Splitting the Sorrow… Doubling the Joy

Last week, July 28 to be specific, in the middle of a very important writing project, my PC crashed. It just literally died right before my eyes. Of course I turned to my husband to fix the problem… And I expected him to fix it FAST because my deadline was supposedly the next day.

That sort of became the unwritten rule in our new family. It has been said that new couples naturally assume roles in the household without really formally talking about it. Such is the case in mine. I naturally became in charge with the “domestic stuff”… groceries, laundry, housekeeping, cooking, etc… while I “expected” him to take charge of the more “technical stuff”… electrical matters, carpentry and most importantly our very precious PC and Internet Connection. So when the PC bogged down for the nth time, I expected my husband to save the day. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to resuscitate the darn machine and I was forced to seek salvation at my friend’s house. My husband had some work to do at the office.

Anyway, the ordeal didn’t stop there. It was as if the universe conspired to wreck my day because my friend’s PC didn’t have some of the programs that I needed. Moreover, when it was time for me to record the narration for my project at my friend’s recording studio none of their computers were working well either. I haven’t eaten. It was infuriatingly hot. When it was time for me to run to my presentation appointment, none of the cabs in Cubao had the heart to take hapless me to Makati. Not only was I so upset that I had to submit a half-baked project, what made me more frustrated is that amidst this drama, the only thing my husband could ever do was just say “It’s gonna be okay!”

I knew he meant well but for some reason “okay” was not enough for me that time. I wanted him to save me. I wanted him to emerge as my white knight… my prince charming… Save me from the dragon, honey! Don’t just sit there on your horse. DO SOMETHING! Wield your sword or whatever… Sigh…

Anyway, we didn’t officially have a fight but there was an undeniable tension. After the storm calmed, I reflected on what just happened. And this book told me that I did exactly the 3 things that were listed as the Saboteurs of a Happy Marriage: SELF-PITY, BLAME & RESENTMENT. Yikes! I was guilty in all accounts.

And then I realized what really went wrong. Control-freak me went berserk because for the first time I recognized the reality that I am not SINGLE anymore. I was so used to depending on myself to fix my problems successfully and ALONE that it drove me nuts when I had to depend on someone; share this problem with him; BUT WITHOUT any guarantee that it will be fixed. So with that, how then can marriage be an aspiration for the Successful Singles?

This is what I learned from this experience and from the book… Being Married means you can Split the Sorrow and Double the Joy! That’s what I failed to do when the PC tragedy dawned upon us. I failed to cherish the moment when my husband was trying to get his half of the sorrow by being there for me; assuring me that this too shall pass. What I wanted from him was something else; something impossible. In fact come to think of it, I didn’t really even know what I wanted from him in the first place. My fault was I didn’t see that. I was so caught up in my own selfish drama that I didn’t see my husband trying to lighten the load by just being there; being my husband and holding my hand through it.

I realized all these after I was done with my presentation and “Praise God” received cheers for it. I called up my husband to announce the good news and right then and there I could feel the ecstasy multiplying in my heart. I told myself that I didn’t need to have that “pasan ko ang daigdig syndrome” anymore. THE REALITY IS… DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES WILL ALWAYS HAPPEN. Instead of looking at the glass half empty and seeing it’s rather useless to have someone by your side who doesn’t have ALL the solutions in the world anyway, newlyweds especially should look at their spouses as assets rather than liabilities. Sometimes, or make that MOST OF THE TIME, things just go beyond our control and I would like to quote a section from the book that really pierced through my heart. The authors Les and Leslie Parrott were on a small plane and while they were hiding their distrust on the flying capabilities of the craft, the pilot told them something proverbial:

(from SAVING YOUR MARRIAGE BEFORE IT STARTS…)

We crossed over the islands of Puget Sound and approached the lights of a local airport. “The most important thing about landing is the attitude of the plane,” said the pilot.

“You mean ALTITUDE, don’t you?” Les asked.

“No,” the pilot explained. “The ATTITUDE has to do with the nose of the plane. If the attitude is too high, the plane will come down with a severe bounce. And if the attitude is too low, the plane may go out of control because of excessive landing speed.”

Then the pilot said something that got our attention: “The trick is to get the right attitude in spite of atmospheric conditions.”

Without knowing it, the pilot had given us a perfect analogy of creating a happy marriage – the trick is to develop the right attitude in spite of the circumstances we find ourselves in.

After much reflection and after rebuking my actions and negative attitude, I told my husband about it and we prayed together. We definitely have a long way to go… I have a lot to learn and unlearn… and my husband’s not perfect either. And we just want to PRAISE & THANK GOD for stretching our faith. This is just part of the Quality Control.