God's Birthday Gift for me

"And he said, the things which are impossible with men are possible with God"-- Luke 18:27

Around the 2^nd week of August, right when my fingers were click-clacking away blogs almost everyday, I felt some pain developing on my right wrist. I thought it was my carpal tunnel syndrome coming back again after 6 years. I got worried because that would mean my right hand has to be in a metal brace again. The last time I wore it, I had it on for weeks. It was such a hassle because I couldn’t type well with it. It was just totally paralyzing me and my work. My right hand was very important because I needed it for writing and I needed it to surf the internet. Fortunately with therapy and minus some surgery, I got my wrist back in good form again.

Then the pain occurred again last August. This time it wasn’t only swelling and painful. It was even worse. I found a marble-sized lump sticking out on my wrist. It was kinda hard, and felt like a cartilage or some kind of fleshy nodule. I thought it was a cyst. It wasn’t only painful to touch but it was also painful to watch! It was sticking out really ugly!

On better circumstances I would have rushed to the ER right away and have it checked or better yet removed – whatever it was – but unfortunately, it happened during the time when I was really low in dough. I was such in a “tipid” mode that time that I couldn’t even consider a check-up. Some of my friends who saw the lump said that they’ve seen something like that before and more often than not, the doctor would suggest surgery. I didn’t even have money for check-up, what more for surgery. Plus I was worried about not being able to use my wrist for a long period of time if ever I did get surgery. How will I write? How will I bake? How will I cook?

My initial reaction was “Lord, is this another challenge?” Like I said earlier, it happened during the time when my blogging ministry was already in full gear. I was delighted to be doing something for God – writing about Him and letting people know how He has been working in my life, and inspiring a few people unintentionally. It also felt good to write without any boss breathing down your neck for the nth revision. It was liberating and I felt peaceful and fulfilled. Then this condition happened, which proved to be a BIG threat to my writing.

On the other hand, I also thought, “Maybe God is rebuking me”. Maybe God saw in my heart that I have become too engrossed in this new hobby and what started out as a humble offering for Him has become a self-feeding activity. I dug deep in my heart and admitted, yes, there were times when it felt so good to receive good comments for what I wrote. God reminded me that this is not supposed to be about Me but ABOUT HIM.

This time I let God do His work… If it was a punishment for a sin that I have made then I shall suffer the pain… If it was a challenge to see how much more I can glorify Him in my writing then I shall persevere despite the pain…

My friends were already telling me with significant concern to go have it checked and removed. I told them that honestly I don’t have the money. And besides, if God would want this removed, He will send me money for surgery or He will remove it just like that! Nevertheless, I still asked for their prayers. I prayed to God. But my prayer was not to ask Him to remove the lump but for me to have an accepting heart for whatever His plans are for me regarding this condition. If He didn’t want me to write anymore then so be it…

I just continued to pray for the succeeding weeks. I endured the pain, accepting that it was a purging for my sins. But I know my God, the Father loves me. I know that He has good plans for me. And this was a cue. I then asked God to lead me to a direction where my writing would really be for His glory. He immediately answered my prayer through a call from Pastor Nicky Joya, one of our wedding ninongs. Pastor Nicky asked if I would be interested to do a writing ministry for CBS Asia. They needed someone who would be able to put into words the inspiring stories of the pastors who had to endure a multitude of trying experiences in their pursuit to obey God. Pastor Nicky said that he considered me because I write with my heart.

At first, I was a bit overwhelmed with the idea. I’m a memoir writer not a biographer, hehe. I asked, “God can I do this? What if I can’t see through these pastors' eyes and fail to feel what’s inside their hearts?” And he answered of course, “Oh you of little faith!”

When God prompts us to do something we just have to follow. He didn’t bring me here if He knew I couldn’t do it. We’ve seen many Faith defining moments in the Bible…Of course, there was Peter walking on water… the burning bush for Moses… for Paul it was being blinded and spoken to by Jesus on the Damascus Road… for Daniel it was deliverance from the lion’s den… for Joshua it was crossing the Jordan River… WHY SHOULD I DOUBT when there’s been evidence of His Faithfulness?

So I obeyed. By faith I signed up to be used for God’s work through CBS Asia. I asked my husband’s permission of course. Although I know he would be supporting me in any ministry that I would like to take, it’s still my duty as a wife to seek his 100% nod especially since this is going to be time away from income-generating activities. It’s been financially challenging lately and any other person out there who's in the same state would most likely not consider doing things for free. But I have felt God’s prodding and besides He’s been amazingly providing us with all our NEEDS. Note: Needs and NOT WANTS.

Since I have this new assignment, I prayed to God more fervently about the lump of my wrist. Lord, let me endure the pain while I write for you. That was my only prayer. Time passed by. And finally it was my birthday last Friday. The next day, the YAM Core Team had a meeting, and I brought some cupcakes as a treat. We always end our meetings by sharing our prayer concerns. I told mine. They were surprised that the lump was still there and more surprised that I haven’t done anything about it. The lump was in fact getting bigger and more annoying to look at.

The next day, guess what – THE LUMP WAS TOTALLY GONE! What a beautiful miracle! I was so overwhelmed. I’ve felt God’s miracle in my life by the way he transformed my heart but this is the FIRST TIME that I have experienced a miracle like it was “magic”. And right then and there, I knew it was going to be one of my Faith Defining Moments – another one to add to my list of Spiritual Markers. Nothing is really impossible with God!

“And without Faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.” – HEBREW 11:6