Our Quest to Conceive

I’m riding the healthy horse these days after that kidney stones scare I had last week. That incident certainly put me on a red alert about my health. One thing led to another. Now my husband and I are about to embark on our quest to conceive.

I’ve been battling with an undefined hormonal imbalance for as long as I can remember. I’ve had a love-hate relationship with my endocrinologist since 1996. I’ve been a lab rat far too many times and after all these years they (the doctors) were never really able to give me a definite diagnosis and prognosis. Although they already told me before that conceiving might be a CHALLENGE if not impossible at all, this didn’t really occur to me up until recently when I finally got hitched. I was told about this “fertility challenge” nonchalantly at that time in my early twenties when marriage and building a family were far-fetched fantasies that I didn’t have any intention on wishing them true.

Last year before we got engaged, I went to see an OB-GYN who specializes in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at the very posh Medical City. Her diagnosis was Primary Ovarian Failure, and she already suggested the egg donor option. I didn’t know how else to react but to be dismayed. So the first noble thing I thought that I was supposed to do was to break-up with Joseph. I knew he wanted a baby so I felt that this “challenge” would be the last thing he would want in our relationship. Ironically, that news actually expedited our engagement instead. Joseph told me that he was not going to marry me to have children. He wanted to marry me because he LOVES ME JUST THE WAY I AM. He even added that if it’s just going to be the two of us then it shall be that way.

I fell in love with him more because of that. But of course, we believe in God’s many miraculous ways so there’s no harm in trying, right? We didn’t see that doctor at Medical City any more and instead went to another one at St. Luke’s. This time around, she was referred to us by one of our church mates. Going to a Christian doctor proved to be very different compared to one who’s “just” a doctor. They specialize in the same field but this time around, I felt the compassion. All these years, I’ve never felt taken care of by my doctors. This time, I immediately felt the different aura that Dr. Jing exuded. I felt safe. She made me have another round of tests again and this time the initial finding was Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Usually the first line of work-up that needs to be done in this condition is ovarian stimulation. The thought of a long hormone therapy really makes me anxious. There are a lot of factors to consider… my age… my health in general… the costs of these hormone treatments… the side effects…. Trying to conceive is emotionally stressful as it is but STRESS should be the last thing that I should be having right now.

We are still not sure how soon I would respond to the treatments, or if I would ever respond at all. Right now, Joseph is with me all the way in ensuring that I am HEALTHY. He’s watching my diet; encouraging me to keep fit; and just cheering me on. It’s going to be a long grueling journey and we are asking all our dear friends to join us in prayer. Although we pray for a baby but more than that, we are really praying for God’s will and for His grace to shine upon us… that we may have gracious hearts to accept whatever He has in store for us.