Knock Knock! Who's There? ...Marriage! (Part 2)

It might sound a bit unfair or worse, I might get accused of being anti-feminist but marriage counselors have seen in many cases that a lot of times, the wives themselves caused their husbands to stray. It’s not about the weight gain. It’s not about the sagging breasts. It’s not about devouring more than half of the closet space. It’s the fact that we have deducted their pogi points and even told them about it.

Again from the same book “Saving Your Marriage before It Starts” by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, research says that no one else can satisfy a husband’s needs other than his wife. So here are the 3 basic needs that the man of the house needs for his marriage to work. Let’s see how I fared so far…

THE NEEDS OF THE HUSBAND (Wives and Wives-in-Waiting, it's your turn to READ)

1) He needs to be ADMIRED…

Okay I know none of us would want to marry a Johnny Bravo but our husbands still need to feel like you still have a crush on him. Remember the nursery rhyme “What are little boys made of? Frogs and snails, and puppy dogs’ tails”. Men are still pretty much like little boys. They wag their tails with every accomplishment and they expect a bone, a scratch on the noggin’ with a resounding “Good Boy!”

That’s why men are competitive because they value PRAISE. For men, everything’s a race and winning is the name of the game. How do you think the Ancient Olympics came about? So since we all can’t be and DON’T WANT to be Trophy Wives, the best that we can do to boost our man’s ego is to be their NUMBER ONE FAN. We shall be groupies to their rock stars. Besides, it’s really all about LOVE, right? I mean if you claim that you married the man of your dreams then by all means stay in that dream. If you want to feel like a Queen then make him your King.

I hope I’m doing a really great job being my husband’s cheerleader. And though he may have some very irritable habits, they don’t compare to the beautiful surprises that I uncover with each day that God has allowed us to be together as husband and wife.

2) He needs to have AUTONOMY…

Wait a minute! I thought we were becoming one already? What’s this being autonomous all about? Again, it’s another one of those widgets that are genetically wired in men. They need S – SPACE that is. Unfortunately our husbands are still running on Pentium 4 while we have already upgraded to a Quad-Core processor. Women have really mastered the art of multi-tasking while men need to do one thing at a time. That’s why they need SPACE to do these things ONE AT A TIME. As loving wives who desire to meet our husbands’ needs, we shall yield to this request.

I always notice this in my husband. When he comes home weary from work, he usually has this look like he’s in a state of stupor. I just sense he’s in his bubble so I let him be FOR A WHILE until he’s ready to come back to life. I guess that’s his way of recollecting himself. Men need to reboot a lot because if you try to let them work on several programs, he will hang and might ultimately crash.

3) He needs SHARED ACTIVITY…

My husband told me that what made me stand out among the girls he has dated is our shared interest in film, music, pop culture, and most especially humor. He said one of his acid tests is the Far Side comics. I got the jokes. The other girls didn’t. With me, he can passionately talk about the philosophies behind Batman’s character and have someone get extremely excited with in the forthcoming Watchmen film.

But then, this is more than just having the same tastes and likes. Having a shared activity with your husband doesn’t mean that there’s a grand prerequisite that you like and do the same things. It’s more about the willingness and enthusiasm to do these things with him. Be your husband’s female “kumpare”!

I’ve only been married for only about 4 months so I know I’m not even a tenth of a fraction of being an expert in this topic. To top it all, I even come from a dysfunctional broken family so I practically have zero idea on how successful marriages should go. What I’m sharing are just bits and pieces I’ve carefully picked up here and there. You wonder why we as human beings were never “formally” trained to be spouses when most of us, if not all, want to become one someday. So now, I can say I am currently enrolled in the School of Marriage. Theory and Application are totally the same thing. I hope I pass.