Marrying God's Family

When I was in my teens, I used to declare that I would rather marry an ORPHAN so that I wouldn’t have to deal with his family. Having been raised in a broken home, it’s pretty obvious that I had a lack of role models when it came to marriage and family matters. To add insult to injury, I had a mother who had all the wanton ways of a woman. Given all these variables in my life, I got so scared about marriage, especially the Meet-The-Parents part. How do you expect me to deal with a mother-in-law when I can’t even handle my own mom?

However, even if I was really considering it, I told myself that finding an orphan man who can fit all my requirements for a life partner may be a tall order. So to make things easier, I just told myself I’d rather not marry, and just date, date and date. I wasn’t even consciously doing it but I soon found out that I was successively dating guys who all had their own parental conflicts too. I thought at that time, “Great maybe being on the same boat is a good compatibility factor!” … I was wrong of course. Should I be surprised that these men had commitment issues as well?

And alas, God and his mysterious ways got me again. :-) Not only did He make me marry a man with a tight-knit family; with a very involved mother, He just really had to make me marry a man whose family extends to the entirety of the church. I got the ultimate complete opposite of what I wanted.

I always tell my husband that it is quite overwhelming to suddenly be part of this large community. It is amazing that most of the elders in the church have actually been part of my husband’s growing up years from the time when he was just in Children’s Choir, ‘til he grew up into his teens (and seeing him devastated by his first major heartbreak which the entire church is well aware of), until finally becoming one of the Board Members of the church at the age of 29. They know everything about him! And I just can’t easily handle the idea that sooner or later I too will be under the microscope of these people.

When we “officially” had a steady relationship, I told him that this whole situation was scaring the guts out of me. I didn’t know how to “properly” deal with his family because I definitely have a dysfunctional way of dealing with mine. And more so, I didn’t know how to be a part of this large community! It was more than overwhelming. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of having “everyone” involved in my life.

Working in the media has made me a professional crowd pleaser but it was not as if I had to make deep relationships with the people I met at parties. This time, in church, without any written rule hovering around, I can just feel the strong ties and the connection of everyone. Imagine how hard it was for me to “successfully” break into Joseph’s circle of friends in church. At first I thought they were quite “clique-ish” and of course, what even made it harder for me to fit in was the fact that some didn’t actually approve our relationship INITIALLY.

I really asked God “Lord, do I really need to be with these people? How can I be in sincere fellowship with them if they resent me?” But of course, there wasn’t really any truth to those thoughts of mine. The resentment, prejudice, and rejection were all just in my mind. This time, I knew God wouldn’t allow this sheep (me) to fall off the cliff again. With God’s Grace, my husband’s family and the people close to him really reached out to me. I can definitely say that I am where I am right now in my walk with the Lord because this church remained faithful and really wrestled in prayer for me; interceding for me.

"We who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification."Romans 15:1-2

God’s Love prevailed at the end of it all. I can’t thank my COC enough and the other people who I have gotten close to in CCBC for being my Epaphras. I may have grown up in a broken home but now I am flourishing in God’s Family.