Old Blog Revisited
THE FOLLOWING ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE ENTRIES FROM ONE OF MY DELETED BLOGS "Sweethearts & Spouses" (5-19 to 8-21 2009)
"THIS BLOG IS ALL ABOUT LOVE"
Hi to all sweethearts and spouses out there!
This blog was all about you and everything you need to live out the LOVE in your relationships. I'm just a year-old-wife and just like you, I will do anything to put my heart and soul into this commitment. My husband and I still have a lot to learn and unlearn as we drive down this unpredictable road of marriage. We would like to share that and also be inspired by people around us as well.
That said, I (and maybe on some occasions, my husband) will be writing about not just our own wedding and marriage but most importantly about other couples’ experiences in tying the knot and building the nest. Here you will read about ordinary people with extraordinary love stories, wedding resources, dating spots in the city, honeymoon havens, movie & book reviews on relationships, issues on married life, living together, and everything else in between.
So whether you just got engaged or in the middle of your marriage, or still dreaming and praying about it, my husband and I hope that this site will be a hope chest of sorts and most of all a helpful source for anything you need to know about Being One for the rest of your life.
"SPOUSES AS BUSINESS PARTNERS"
Last night, when we sat for a meeting with our Corporate Secretary (our company lawyer, in other words) my husband and I were stunned with his nonchalant question. "Do you have a pre-nup?" We were like “Huh?!?” The secular world may call us naïve but honestly getting one is an alien and almost taboo thing among Christian couples. Bottom line is whatever happens – Divorce is not an option for us. We just have to make our marriage work no matter what! But of course, we couldn’t take it against our lawyer for asking such a question. That was his job.
So how did we find ourselves in this topic? Well, my husband and I are currently working on setting up a company with three other business partners. We admit to be uneducated on the legal intricacies of incorporating. We definitely need help. Just understanding the vocabulary alone is overwhelming… shares, authorized capital, par value, equity, tax laws… whew! I suddenly wished I took a Business course rather than studying Shakespeare.
Anyway, when we were already in the complicated issue on shares, our lawyer said that technically since we are married, unless there is a pre-nup, we have conjugal possession on everything that we own. And with regards to our business, he stressed that even before we arrange the corporate set-up with our business partners, my husband and I should initially agree first on our business set-up as a couple. And that pertains most especially to the money factor. He said he’s seen enough marriages slash business partnerships turn into the worst divorce and annulment cases ever.
While “divorce” may not be entirely applicable to us (by God’s grace!!!) of course we are very aware that having your spouse as a business partner has its bliss and risks. For the bliss part, I can’t wait when I finally have my husband by my side every day. On the flipside, if we get into a difference, he’s not your typical officemate or colleague who can opt to resign or take a leave from work in order to breathe and chill. Despite the issue(s), you will have to eat, sleep, and wake up next to that person who has been giving you that headache.
We have a handful of married friends and even relatives who are business partners… some have horror stories while some have only good wisdom to impart. As I listened to their experiences, I came to the conclusion that it all really depends on us – me and my husband. Problems will always be there whether you’re married or not. My husband and I have been given by God a taste of how it is to work together – from the simple home projects to our church ministry. Through these experiences, God allowed both of us to see each other’s best and worst sides. To be honest, my husband is not a perfect partner. I can actually make a long list of his annoying habits that rub against my working style. On the other hand, husband or not, I don’t think there can be anyone out there who can be a utopian partner to me.
Personally, and even objectively, if I have to choose between a level-headed non-relative business partner and my perfectly imperfect husband, I’d rather go with my husband for the simple reason that I trust God with anything in my life. He put us together for more reasons than just to make babies. We were meant to be together through thick or thin… and I believe that includes going to an enterprise together… to shine together… and make an impact as a couple. There’s nothing to worry about. Our covenant with the Lord is stronger than any iron-clad business contract.
"WHEN YOUR HUSBAND'S HOTMAIL TURNS REALLY HOT!"
These days it doesn’t take physical contact to cheat on a relationship. What may have started out as just friendly Chatting could easily evolve into Cyber-Cheating! Who knows maybe your husband’s Hotmail account has actually turned “hot” already. There have been some debates over this. Apparently the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus divide has extended to each gender’s take on the validity of online affairs. How about you? Do you believe that an e-relationship could also be an emotional relationship? Or are you saying that virtual flirtation is just the same as having sexual fantasies – it’s normal & harmless, it’s all in the head and definitely not going to happen in REAL life?
Well I personally believe that cheating, whether online or offline is still CHEATING. But how do you exactly define Internet Infidelity? The absence of actual coitus doesn’t invalidate the sexual betrayal between couples, especially married ones. Sex’s major physical tool is the MIND so mental orgasms induced by sexual innuendos through e-mail or chats, or even SMS, are like termites that will eat away the house called Marriage.
There’s a saying, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you…” Sure, the normalcy of extra-marital affairs has increased through the decades. Sadly, there are more wives, than there are husbands, who are silently enduring their spouse’s “sin” by keeping their mouths shut… pretending, denying, and being blind to it all. I know of one wife who found evidence of her husband flirting with an old college friend through YM. It was the classmate from abroad who initiated the sexual tension by telling him that she used to have a big crush on him... that she was actually really saving herself for him… yadiyadiyada… The woman was also already married so that even makes it worse.
So the wife is asking me, should she tell her husband what she has just found out? Technically, the right thing to do is to confront him. Of course, it’s hard not to be emotional about it but I really advise for wives in the same situation to resist nagging or going on a Sharon Cuneta plate-throwing hissy-fit. PRAY to remain calm and then TALK. Look at the bright side – though your feelings of self-worth has been badly trampled on – at least the bigger emotional damage of him actually going to bed with that woman has not happened yet. But of course, any cyber affair is definitely unacceptable. In fact the time away from your spouse while you’re at the computer is already “cheating” in itself because you’re already depriving them of quality time. That’s why we have a new rule between my husband and me now – except when we have work to do, no blogging, no internet, NO COMPUTERS in the evening.
Wives, we are all blessed with instincts that easily tell us when our husbands are straying. So keep that radar on. You don’t have to snoop around his stuff. As a wife, you have to have SHARP ears. The first telltale sign that hubby is thinking about another girl is when he suddenly “casually” mentions the name of THAT girl who happens to be an officemate or an old classmate in most cases. Once names are dropped, then it’s time to hunt for clues!
For the past 12 months since I officially became a missus, I’ve been having a case of signature schizophrenia –it’s what I call when a new wife signs her name differently in various documents. Before I got married, and even before the prospect of marriage came about, I already considered maintaining my maiden name. It was in fact my civil right. According to Article 370 of Republic Act 386:
A married woman may use: (1) Her maiden first name and surname and add her husband's surname, or (2) Her maiden first name and her husband's surname or (3) Her husband's full name, but prefixing a word indicating that she is his wife, such as "Mrs."
Note: There have been bills in Senate and the Lower House amending this Article in the Civil Code to add that a married woman may use HER MAIDEN FIRST NAME AND SURNAME.
Here are more excerpts from the Supreme Court website:
Marriage does not change a woman's name. It merely changes her civil status. Her true and real name is that given to her and entered in the Civil Registry which she may continue to use despite her marriage or cessation of marriage for whatever reason she may have (Herrera, Remedial Law, 1996 Ed. III-A, p. 338, citing Yasin v. Judge, Shari'a District Court, 241 SCRA 606 (1995)
Under the present article of our Code, however, the word "may" is used, indicating that the use of the husband's surname by the wife is permissive rather than obligatory. We have no law which provides that the wife shall change her name to that of the husband upon marriage. This in is consonance with the principle that surnames indicate descent. It seems, therefore, that a married woman may use only her maiden name and surname. She has an option, but not a duty, to use the surname of the husband in any of the ways provided by this Article." (Tolentino, Civil Code of the Philippines, Commentaries and Jurisprudence, 1990, Vol. I, p. 675.)
I’ve always liked my initials V.V. and though it’s often misread as Virginia, Virgilino, or worse Virgilio, I knew that my name had a certain ring to it – Virgilind Villanueva. It’s unique. It rolls out your tongue just right. It sounds strong. It’s got character. And being a fan of feminism, the rules stated above were very close to my heart.
However, forgive me for abandoning such girl power principles for the sake of LOVE. I decided to carry my husband’s surname not because I was a ditzy submissive Stepford wife but because I realized that if we were to be one family then it’s just logical to share a family name, right? So I became Mrs. Virgilind Palarca. It doesn’t have as much impact as my maiden name but I figured it’s the closest I can get to having the word PALANCA (the prestigious literary award) next to my name. I may not be a Palanca Winner but I own a Palarca wei- oh, I mean I am a Palarca wife. (wink wink!)
But changing my name didn’t come easy for me. It was something I always took a rain check on. The first legal document that I was forced to update was my passport. It made sense. Imagine a few years from now when we finally have kids and we’d be traveling abroad. Imagine the hassle at the immigration if my surname had to be different from my husband and kids. So since my passport was due for renewal anyway, I might as well update that first. Then soon after, I was applying for credit cards, internet, phone, and cable services under my new married name because I had the passport and marriage certificate as proof of identification.
However, most of my bank accounts and my BIR and SSS info still carried my maiden name. So for many months I was signing some documents with my new handwritten signature as Virgilind Palarca. And then for writing checks, I was signing in my old name. For some reason, my clients even after I got married kept making checks for me in my maiden name. To avoid confusion I just decided to let them be.
But it eventually came to a point when it became confusing… And then we also had to finally come face to face with making our very first bank loan as husband and wife. The credit investigators wanted to see how much money we got together as a couple. (Joint accounts, that’s another blog altogether!) So this afternoon, finally after a year and a month of being married, I had all my bank accounts updated to my new surname. And now my husband can also sign our checks in our behalf.
So there, I am finally JUST Virgilind Palarca. Please start writing all pending talent fee checks to that name please. :-)