Binding my Isaac

As I was writing this, my eyes were still a bit red from weeping. I just experienced what could probably be the toughest test so far in my young Christian life. I said NO to a good job offer because of God.

If you have been a regular reader of my blog, you would know by now that I haven’t had a regular project since July. My contract from my previous TV show expired and certain changes in the show format, TV network management and other things, unfortunately ceased extension of my stint. I was considerably sad about that sudden “mis”development in my TV career. On the other hand I knew that it was God’s way to put me back on track. He knew that I have not been shining well enough as a Christian in that lot so I know it was His will to uproot me from it and plant me where I am supposed to bear fruit. The next months following that abrupt period of joblessness put me in a lot of purging and prayer.

The past months have been filled with Faith-testing moments, and I would have to say that I was victorious in most, if not all of them. God has been sufficiently providing me and my family with our needs. With just one steady income earner in the household to pay for a handful of bills and daily expenses, every Due Date unfolds into a miracle. I may not have the convenience of a steady weekly paycheck like I used to enjoy at my former TV show, but God has been generous to me by shooting me well-paying one-time projects every now and then. I noticed that he always makes it a point to throw me one gig whenever another bill is fast reaching its due date. When I had that painful and ugly lump on my wrist, and I didn’t have extra money to pay for surgery, God miraculously removed it just like that! He even did it on my birthday. What a gift!

Even in just a short span of time, I have already listed a significant number of Spiritual Markers in my life. I started to let go and let God. Lately, I found my worries cut down to almost zero, and I caught myself asking “Is it really okay for me to relax, Lord?” Take it from a girl who worries just as easily as she can make whims. God has been so good that I can’t help but be head over feet for Him.

And alas, as we profess our commitment and devotion to Him, He wants to be 100% sure that were not bluffing Him. I have always known that one of these days He will be putting me on the spot. I just didn’t expect that it would be sooner than I thought. Yesterday, my former TV network who let me go called me up to write for an exciting TV show. It was hip, young, and it was going to be about music, entertainment, pop culture… things that have been so easy for me to write about. It was my cup of tea. I got excited because I thought this would be a great opportunity for me to contribute POSITIVELY to society by writing wholesome content for the youth. Of course, I felt flattered that they picked me. I felt happy that no bridges were burned. And the great thing was… it was a Regular TV Show so that would mean I’m back in business. I thought “Great! Thank you Lord. Thank you for this blessing! I always knew you would reward me” I was about to sign up until I found out what the taping schedule would be… Sundays 8am-8pm (Knowing how tapings go, that’s a conservative estimate). At that instant, I felt that a cross was suddenly slumped on my back. I had to say NO.

I cried not because I resented God for my decision. I cried not because I was upset that they had to tape during Sundays, of all days! I cried because I FELT HONORED that God has put me in this kind of test. It was both an EASY & DIFFICULT decision to make. Easy because I already know what my convictions are. Difficult because I really do know now what my convictions are and there are no compromises! I had that strange feeling that God knighted me that very moment. I cried because all of a sudden I realized that I was already dismissed from boot camp and dispatched into the battlefield. The warfare is both SURREAL and SO REAL. I have always asked God to hasten my spiritual growth but once I got here, it felt unexplainable and I was surprised that He really did want me to Level-Up FAST!

If I didn’t have my convictions now, saying YES to Sunday shoots would have been a No-Brainer. It’s not even just about God. Now that I’m married, I have learned to embrace that Sundays should really be devoted to our families. This is what I really frown about working in the Media. Sadly, this industry lacks the heart for it. Hindi uso ang pag-simba sa mga taga-showbiz, hehe. When I said no, I didn’t expect them to understand. How could anyone say No to a good-paying job? They probably thought how ridiculous of me to reject it. It’s true that I needed the money and God knows how much were in dire straits now but the thing is I have finally drawn the line. There is really no such thing as Convenient Christianity.

For a moment there I felt like Abraham. This was like my own “Binding of Isaac”. I have been praying to God for a new regular job to sustain my family and when He finally gave it to me, He asked me to give it up. And true to form, just as Abraham was about to kill his child as an offering, God stopped him and He provided an animal to take Isaac’s place. This was exactly what happened to me. After I finally turned down the offer, a few hours later, my former boss called up again to set a special arrangement with me. I was given the liberty to NOT ATTEND the tapings anymore. I just have to get an Assistant Writer to take my place during shoots. So in short, I can still take that job without having to compromise my Sundays. But there was one more challenge to conquer. I had to get a writer. Last night, I prayed to God and told Him, “Lord I have shown how loyal I am to you. I will only take this job if it’s your will. And if it’s your will, you’re going to provide the writer for me.” … This morning, after I sent out my announcement to some of my other writer friends, the responses were more than a handful. I knew God has given me the green light.

Today I’m praising the Lord for his unfailing faithfulness. I let go and I let God and when it’s God working in your life – you can only expect marvelous things to happen!

“He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to Him.”
-- JOHN 14:21