Due for a Check-Up

Last Sunday, our Senior Pastor opened his message with Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me Oh God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” It was the answer I was waiting for God to reveal to me the whole week.

I’ve been feeling ill lately – physically and spiritually. I’m not very fond of going to the doctor because I dread finding out what’s wrong with my body. I don’t like to feel sorry for bad habits in the past that have now taken toll of my health. This is pretty much the same reason why people don’t want to read and understand the Bible. It convicts us. It reflects our sins. It gives us the real deal about our spiritual state.

To quote our Pastor, “Salvation is just the beginning of a relationship with God. After coming to faith in Christ, a person should develop a deeper friendship with the father, learn more spiritual truth, and begin to serve the Lord.”

Having just received the Lord 3 years ago, I am what they would call a baby Christian. And like most babies I need milk. In this case I need spiritual milk to help me grow. Hence I do the fundamental steps to obedience such as being involved in Bible studies and do my part in Kingdom building. But also like any baby, my immunity is weak and diseases can actually kill me. And to be honest I think I’ve been hit with the fatal spiritual flu.

I’ve been struggling with frustration and discouragement this week with my new church. I’ve been tasked by God to handle an important ministry for its golden jubilee. And from starting strong the project’s now almost running on empty.

I want to give up but for the past days God has been very firm to me every time I sought His word for answers – DON’T STOP! And all I could do is cry… My husband has been telling me to resign from the task already but I told him that as much as this is such a big cross to carry, I also would not be at peace leaving it in disarray. And more importantly, I don’t think I would ever have the face to show God for abandoning His work.

But human as I am, my patience has been stretched to some uncomfortable degree already. I even felt some prejudice. I’ve been hearing people questioning why I had to be the one who’s in charge when I’m just a newbie… When I haven’t even taken half of the spiritual growth courses yet… When I’m just a “baby” Christian… What do I know about our church’s history, let alone write about it? I admit NONE. But that was exactly why I was excited to hold the rein. I was looking forward to getting an up close and personal encounter with my new family – like a baby seeking its mother’s milk for the first time.

Unfortunately the experience wasn’t that sweet. I found that there are also uninspired and apathetic people in church like outside. And now I understand why a lot of Christians get burned in their own churches. I know someone who practically grew up Baptist but now refuses to introduce herself as Born Again. She’s gone to a totally different direction because she got sick of the hypocrites in their church. Well I don’t blame her. Zealots do run amok. And people holier than thou can easily turn you off.

But you know what as much as I accept this sad reality I also know that they are just people. We should not lean our spiritual fortitude on human testimonies alone. To err is human! Most of us will say that Alexander Pope said that but every page in the Bible has that message. Born Again or not we are all still sinners saved by God’s Grace alone…

Today I asked God to take away the viruses of anger and resentment that has infected my heart. Like an infant fragile without its mother, I know I need to stay in this church’s arms. I don’t have to worry because I realized that people alone don’t make the church… God’s Word is all the vaccination that I need to withstand the diseases that threaten my renewed life.