I (Heart) Project Runway Philippines

I hurried home last night from my meeting because of a very important TV viewing appointment – the Finale of Project Runway Philippines! Haha! I swear I’m a big fan. I’m addicted to the original American series so I was kind of worried that the Filipino producers might massacre the franchise, especially when another one – Philippines’ Next Top Model – produced by the same company Solar Entertainment, turned out to be a total trash.

Thank God, Solar finally came to its senses and put together the right production team with no less than production stalwart Unitel. The show came out glossy and although it could still need some tad bit improvements here and there, over all Project Runway Philippines worked more than I expected. It was a winner!

Obviously, the Filipino production did their homework for the show. Like how any franchise should be, they didn’t attempt even for a second to CHANGE anything about the elements of the show. They didn’t try to “Filipinize” or “localize” it. The fact that the cast was All-Filipino already made it Pinoy.

This should be a golden lesson to all the big networks out there who are all guilty of butchering the beauty of our favorite Reality shows by shamelessly “modifying” the shows’ format to suit the taste of the masa or worse the networks’ own cheap standards of production value. The same principles in business franchising should apply to TV shows. The format comes in a full package. Guidelines should be strictly followed. That’s how you protect the brand’s value.

I never missed an episode of Project Runway Philippines. I even watch it with my husband :-) He even puts in his own “critique” on the designs whenever it was runway time. Naks, diba? Anyway, part of our wedding vows was to watch each other’s favorite shows, no matter how unbearable. I watch wrestling with him and I too have been learning a lot.

Anyway, like I said earlier though there’s still some room for improvement, I have more good things to say about the show. First of all choosing TERESA HERRERA as the Host was an exquisite choice! I have long been a fan of Teresa. I haven’t met her yet but I know her younger sister Rosario, who I have gotten close to back when she was our in-house VJ stylist for MTV several years ago.

I liked it that they chose someone who wasn’t that visible locally and someone who has had her taste of Hollywood. You can definitely tell that Teresa’s sharp. Even though I’m pretty sure a lot of her spiels were scripted, her delivery didn’t give it away and her own opinions truly displayed clout. She was definitely no stranger to fashion. If you don’t remember her, she’s had considerable exposure in Filipino commercials back in the 90s. She’s been on fashion spreads far too many times here and abroad. Teresa alone made the show glossy. And that’s a good start.

Although it was quite obvious that the show was trying to fill in existing character molds – Heidi Klum, Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Tim Gunn – I’d like to say that their Pinoy versions didn’t just come out as doppelgangers. At least you could see that they didn’t try TOO HARD to be these characters. I’ve interviewed RAJO LAUREL many times already for MTV Fashionista, and I’ve even made a special show with him and KC Concepcion years ago, and based on the amount of filming exposure I had with him, I could say that he was a good choice for a judge because I knew that he could give those JUICY SOUNDBITES!

Let’s face it not all designers are cam-worthy. I produced MTV Fashionista for many years and I have interviewed designers from high places and the rookie ones, and I could really only count with my fingers those who can articulate themselves on camera.

JOJIE LLOREN, the designers’ mentor didn’t have the suaveness of Tim Gunn but his maternal-like counseling made him a league of his own. He didn’t try to be Tim, he was simply Jojie and it worked. I already got positive feedback about his teaching skills since way back so I guess even if he wasn’t as verbose as Tim he certainly had the proficiency and clout in his task at PRP.

I’ve had my share of being part of two local Reality TV shows and if there’s one thing that I learned about what makes GOOD reality TV – it’s the TALK FACTOR! In a way, Project Runway Phil was fortunate with its subject. Let’s admit it, fashion design as an industry is 80-90% gay! And I don’t think nobody would even dare to second guess that gay people are really very artistic, flamboyant and candid.

Reality TV capitalizes on outrageous human behavior so there you go. Back-stabbing, side-comments and hissing remarks were obviously easy to induce. That was what PNTM (Phil Next Top Model) lacked. Unfortunately the models they got for the show didn’t have the gift of gab. Or maybe if the models didn’t use English and just backstabbed each other in Tagalog or in their local dialect then that would have been more realistic and compelling!

The designers at Project Runway Philippines used English most of the time during their confessions but despite the “language struggle” by some of them, their honest quips were good enough. I was entertained. :-) I would always jump on my seat whenever Eli (the most controversial among them) would make his comments on Rajo and APPLES ABERIN-SADHWANI (the other judge). It was kind of refreshing to finally see the real essence of Reality TV on Philippine TV.

Well, the PBB housemates may have been very candid but they were just backstabbing fellow regular joes. We Filipinos are not very known to openly criticize people in high places and on camera for that matter and yet here’s this ELI GONZALES, a virtual unknown but who was blunt enough to say on national TV that Rajo’s cholesterol level must have clouded his judgment and Apples was nothing but a “model who got lucky.” Whew! Guilty pleasure at its best! I really got a kick out of that.

During the recap episode where the judges and all the eliminated and remaining designers gathered for a “bull session,” Eli of course took a subtle beating from Rajo and Apples. Rajo though gracious about the said comments was obviously irked. And of course Apples had nothing to say but “let’s move on” and added a subtle warning about tactfulness at the end. Surprisingly, Teresa had the spiciest remark about the whole thing when she added “That’s fashion! Suck it up!”

Well that’s true in a way. Fashion has always been the most fickle and clique-ish and ruthless industry. It’s the first cousin of the Entertainment industry, by the way. And they’re actually in an incestuous relationship. Hahaha!

Casting of the designers was not THAT perfect. It was kind of lopsided with a gay-girl ratio of 8-6 but of course that was expected. I would have to say that at least they were able to cast stereotypical characters that were good for TV – the pretty girl with novice talent; the villain; the manang killjoy; the friend-ng-bayan; the taklesa; the babaeng-bakla; the probinsiyano; the outstandingly boring… Those were the only characters that stood out. The rest were mediocre versions.



Nobody was that obnoxious as Santino from Project Runway Season 2 (US) and nobody emerged as a wicked witch like Wendy from Season 1 (US). I hope PRP’s 2nd season would produce such characters. And I really hope that they find a straight guy designer. That would be interesting. I know there are a handful of really straight young male designers out there because I have encountered some of them during my stint at Fashionista.

Now let’s talk about the Finale. From the get-go it was quite obvious that the three finalists ARIES LAGAT, PHILIPP TAMPUS and VEEJAY FLORESCA would make it to the final runway show. Although Veejay only won one challenge, while Aries and Philipp were head to head in the most number of wins, the former almost always had high scores. Honestly, among the three I didn’t want Veejay to win. I’m not being a bad person here okay? Let’s just talk TV and discuss their characterizations without any personal associations.



Fiction wise, Veejay was a typical villain. The fact that he would copy his opponent’s design; sneak in a garment that was against the rules; intentionally steal someone else’s model, etc… easily makes him a textbook baddie. He would be that person-you-love-to-hate. Any reality TV show needs one. And he served that purpose. Again, we’re just talking about his characterization on the show, okay? I don’t know the guy and I’m pretty sure he’s a good person in real life.

After the final showdown at SMX, Rajo put it perfectly – Philipp was the Romantic Designer, Veejay was the Modernist, while Aries was the Technician. These descriptions were spot on. I have always loved Philipp’s creations because they were very feminine. I guess growing up with several older sisters and a mother who had a flair for fashion was enough explanation. Plus there was just something in him that exuded humility and "goodness." Sort of like rooting for the underdog!

I was disappointed with Veejay’s final collection because I felt that it was reeking of a conscious attempt to sell himself as a prêt-a-porter designer. It was obvious that Veejay was running ahead of the competition and was already focused more on the “lucrative business” that he was about to have after the show. His collection was blah. I mean, they were good. They were very wearable but that’s a No-No in fashion runways unless the show really called for an RTW collection.

I’m no fashion expert, I’m not even a raging fashionista but I understand fashion – the business and the art of it all. Fashion designers are first and foremost ARTISTS. If painters have chi-chi art gallery openings, Hollywood actors have glitzy movie premieres, and Pop stars have sold-out concerts, then a designer’s fashion show is his version of THAT ONE IMPORTANT NIGHT! You have to put on a SHOW dah-ling!

Veejay didn’t put on a show and it was even a bigger shame that he had a monotone collection with problematic fabric choices. That is why hands down ARIES LAGAT became the first ever winner of Project Runway Philippines. Not only that he beat Philipp in having a more cohesive theme in his collection, he even had the wow factor and pulled the rug out of the judges’ wits!

He had that portion in his runway show when a seemingly out of place '50s dress came out on the catwalk. But just before the judges could mark that as a big mistake, two other models came out and deconstructed this questionable dress. As it turns out, the simple dress could be stripped away into two separate pieces that matched the outfits already worn by the two other models. Voila, you get three separate pieces all ready for mixing and matching and even morphing! Talk about fashion functionality! It was impressive.

At that point, based on the judges’ body language that was captured by the cameras, I already knew who the winner was going to be. If there’s one thing that just irritates me a tad bit about Aries is that he always has these grandiose stories, rationales or concepts behind his designs. His final collection even had this elaborate space woman crashing into earth story that just went on and went on as he explained before the judges. I mean, seriously it’s just fashion.

So there… I can’t wait for the 2nd season. I can’t believe that I would actually become a big fan of a local show. I don’t watch local TV anymore. Heck, I don’t even watch my own TV shows. Hahaha. (Well that’s because I already know what’s gonna happen) :p

To know more about Project Runway Philippines and find out what in the world am I talking about, I guess you can check out these sites:

Project Runway Philippines on Wikipedia
Project Runway Philippines Fansite
Project Runway Philippines links on Wordpress

The Golden Age of the VJs

Early this week, I found myself in another TV show taping again, after 2 months of 100% housewife life. The show I’m working on right now has a music magazine format. It’s “supposed” to look like TRL (or Music Bureau to those who are still stuck in the 90s, hehe.) Basically it’s a show for teens or young people if you may, that talk about music, trends, events, and everything else in between, with live performances by current popular bands/artists. To cut to the chase, it’s yet another MTV-ish kind of show. The language of MTV. The tempo of MTV.

I officially started my so-called TV production career with MTV Asia (my first job was with Channel [V] Philippines but I was working as a PR Associate back then). I would have to say that I was “lucky” to have worked with what I personally think the last generation of the BEST VJs. I’m saying “lucky” because believe me once you get used to working with the best, everybody else that comes after just fails in comparison, and that could be excruciatingly frustrating and stressful. I’ll explain later.

The term VJ has obviously evolved. Gone were the days when a VJ would just strictly introduce music videos. As the MTV format changed, we saw how the local channels’ mainstream youth programming followed suit. For years, MTV has become the measuring tape for “cool”. We all know that. As the art of introducing music videos came to wane, side by side with the growing changes and trends of the TV show formats, the term VJ soon grew out of its original meaning. Now, when we think of an emcee for a young, upbeat show that focuses on pop culture and music, we immediately qualify that the hosting skills should that be of a VJ. Hence, for easy reference, we call these young hosts VJs even if they don’t necessarily introduce music videos anymore.

So what exactly is the required HQ or Hosting Quotient for a VJ?



Before I became part of MTV (Asia & Phil), my favorite VJs were Mike Kasem, Nadya Hutagalung, and Danny McGill. Ooh, remember him? Hot guy! Oops I’m married na pala. (Hehe, behave Jill). And by the way Danny’s now also married to former VJ Kamal Sidhu, remember her show “Kamal Sutra?” Anyway, Mike and Nadya hosted “MTV Most Wanted” while Danny McGill did “Headbangers Ball” and later on “Alternative Nation.” Mike was the typical playful jack-ass of the show. Nadya was that chick who, I think, made looking hot and being hilarious a legitimate combination. And Danny was the cool rock dude. Although it may seem that they have fallen perfectly into stereotypical molds, the good thing about it is that – those were their real personalities. In short, they were just being themselves. No acting. No pretensions. Walang pa-cool na eklat. For me, that’s what being a VJ was all about.



Back then, they really knew music. They lived the lifestyle. Even the VJs that followed them carried their own wit, spunk and personality. MTV Asia in the 90s had the best VJs to boot: Sonia Couling, Jamie Aditya, Sarah Sechan to name some of the more popular ones. And of course, you should count in our very own Regine Tolentino & G Toengi as part of that Honor Roll.



We should also not forget their Channel [V] counterparts Joey Mead and Asha Gill. They weren’t trying hard. They were all just naturally “fun”. They made their jobs look glamorous and for the lack of a better word “cool”. We all wanted to be like them. Kids wanted their jobs. After all, where else can you find a job that pays you to love music, be yourself, hang out and party with big celebrities?

Although I didn’t get the chance to work with the ones mentioned above, I was fortunate to have worked with what I believe the last generation of the best Pinoy VJs – KC Montero, Belinda Panelo and Sarah Meier. You could probably include Donita Rose, though I only got to work with her whenever I was sent to Singapore or whenever she was sent over here in Manila. And that was rare. For me however Donita was a “special” case. Let me explain that later too.

Since I started working for MTV, I have seen four waves of VJ Hunts and though most of the winners were able to cross over to more successful albeit different career paths, none of them was really able to capture what being a VJ was all about. There was always something missing… and worse, the hosting skills and discipline were just downright problematic. I have only worked with the MYX VJs during the MYX Music Awards, and based on what I’ve seen from them LIVE and on television, I still feel that there was something missing… and at the same time there was too much of “something”. Hmmm…



A normal taping day at the MTV studios would be shooting continuity spiels or “links” as we call it in MTV Asia jargon. These were for the normal “chroma” shows. Chroma key by the way is a technical term for a digital compositing technique where the host stands in front of a large green or blue background, on which the graphics are keyed in. A regular episode of let’s say “Classic MTV” has 5 links. Each link can run from 20 sec to a minute or two. It depends on the content of the script and the ability of the VJ to spew out the spiels. NOTE that our Pinoy VJs here on MTV Phil didn’t ever use a TELEPROMPTER. The VJs read the script, digest it and then deliver it. Sounds easy? Well if you’re KC, Sarah or Belinda that should be a breeze. And that’s exactly what I love about these hosts. Unfortunately, in my entire working history, the other VJs that came our way always fell flat on the face when it came to owning the script.

Let’s face it. Technically, when a writer makes a script, let’s say when I make a script for an MTV show and other MTV-ish ones, there’s a certain process that I am conscious about. There are three voices that I am working with. I have always called it the Holy Trinity, hehe. I must… 1) write in MTV language, 2) using my own set of vocabulary and semantics of course, 3) with the VJ’s personality and skill in mind. What’s supposed to happen is this… When the VJ receives the script, she’s supposed to not just read it or worse memorize it, but UNDERSTAND it more importantly. It is only when a VJ comprehends what the scenario is all about; what the interview was all about; what the darn music video is all about, that she can really deliver a seamless spiel.

Okay, it is flattering when a VJ makes an effort to memorize the script verbatim. That’s also a form of respecting the specific punch line which the writer intended. Donita read from a teleprompter in Singapore but I would have to say that when she was out working here at our local studio, she was really good in memorizing scripts, even to the point of rehearsing her adlibs, hehe =) Well, let’s just say she’s simply doing her job. And to give her credit, even though she may not be the most musically-intelligent VJ ever to come around the block, she was definitely charming from head to foot. Of course, she didn’t become the icon of cool for nothing. She didn’t land on the cover of Time Magazine just like that. Hosting skills aside, Donita had what MOST of the new VJs don’t have now – that IT FACTOR! That missing link. She has it. Period. And that makes her a formidable VJ prototype.

Buuut… really personally, I would rather have a VJ put her own twist on the material. That’s where ingenuity and innate humor become golden assets. That’s what makes KC Montero, Sarah Meier and Belinda Panelo, and their predecessors a league of their own. Spontaneity has become scarce among the new breeds of “VJs”. Believe me, except for KC hehehe, Sarah and Belinda could also memorize a whole 3-5 page script word for word. The wonderful thing about it is that they wouldn’t even make it look like it was scripted at all. In some way, they always managed to make it their own even if those were my words. But generally, I have always encouraged them to say it their own way. Just get the gist of the script. Still use the punch line. But deliver it in their most natural manner. KC almost never needed a script, unless there were important facts that were required in the segment. All I ever did was just instruct him on what the set-up was all about and he was always ready to roll.

I miss working with such talents. I don’t know… maybe I’m just biased. We really had more than just good working relations back then… we also became good friends. Nevertheless, I have made friendships with recent VJs too but even though some of them have gotten good, they just didn’t become at par. *sigh*

Nowadays, I observed that most of the really new VJs or young hosts don’t seem to have personalities at all. Even if they have one in real life, they can’t seem to translate it on cam. They couldn’t deliver their own voice. It was quite puzzling. How come? Another theory was that, maybe their voices and personalities aren’t just large enough. I mean, most of them could really benefit from training but I always say that a real VJ is actually born.

A good VJ would be able to drive an interview which has gotten off track several miles already back to the finish line right on cue. Most young hosts nowadays even forget that they’re doing the interview for TV. Hello, there’s a camera right in front of you. This is not just a coffee house chat! You have got to end it RIGHT. Unfortunately, the new VJs now just get entangled in their own interviews and repartees, and they usually do not know how to make smooth segues to the next segment. The skill for that can be acquired but the ability to turn messed-up segments into golden funny TV moments rather than make humiliating TV history is instinctive.

The young hosts today certainly lack talent and the personality. And it seems that the bar has gone down. If you switch on to the music channels nowadays, it looks like anybody can be a VJ now. I don’t know if my standards have been raised or if it’s really true that qualifications for VJs have become less rigid.

With my new show now, though it’s not exactly MTV, but with the aspiration thereof, I feel frustrated that kids today just don’t have that “It Factor” anymore. I hate it when they just read from the teleprompter, and worse, they really sounded like they were actually reading. Eeep! Ideally, the script is just supposed to be a guide. Even film actors make improvisations of their scenes and characters. The script is there as a backbone and not a cage. Good VJs/Hosts play around. Adlibs are encouraged but they should never ever be the culprit for missing the next cue. Just don’t get into the habit of practicing your adlibs, okay? =)

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Here are some really old snapshots...

That's Belinda & Sarah during our Batangas shoot circa 2002. That gnarly looking MTV logo was supposed to be a coral substitute. Just one of our duties to promote marine conservation.

One of my visits to the Singapore studio circa 2001. That's Donita peeking behind Utt.

New York 2003. Meeting Sarah and his beau Banjo. Disclaimer: I ate a lot of burgers that time.

And below is Sarah's goodbye note to me on my resignation day, written on one of the pages of the MTV Singapore Tourism coffee book. Click to enlarge photo, and read her hilarious but sweet ala nursery rhyme message.

New York 2003. After meeting up w/ Sarah. Went out w/ Belinda & her fiance (now husband) Joseph Lizardo.

New York 2005. Coffee w/ Belinda at Union Square. She's now happily married w/ a very cute little boy.

Closure with Carrie

For someone who owns original US DVDs of all 6 seasons of the show, a coffee table book about its fashion and even its game board, my friends found it hard to believe that I didn’t line up at the movie house when the much-awaited film version of this phenomenal TV series came out. We’ve been talking about it for YEARS. Just as soon as the last episode aired in 2004, my closest girlfriends and fellow fans already knew in our hearts that a movie version was inevitable. It was just a matter of time. I’m talking about “Sex and the City”. For fans, calling it SATC would suffice.

I was more than a fan. In my own little corner of this world, I was Carrie Bradshaw sans the the fashion-on-steroid quirk. Manila was my Manhattan. I was a writer who wrote about my Quest for LOVE, though not professionally, but quite publicly through my old (deleted) blog that existed in the world wide web 4-5 years ago. It was VERY different from what I have now, and my longtime readers can attest to that. Actually, “different” is even an understatement.

Back then, I wasn’t a Christian yet. I was a non-practicing Catholic girl (educated by Jesuits in elementary and RVM nuns in High School, you get the picture?) who merely viewed going to church as a Sunday family tradition or habit. And since I didn’t really have a family, with my parents separated and my siblings doing their own thing, I didn’t see the need to sit through an hour of Vatican-fed sermons.

I found wisdom and affirmation in these four diverse NYC women whose only similarity was their pursuit for LOVE. Notice that I’ve written LOVE in all caps for the 2nd time already. I shall continue to do so until this article ends. Why? Because for the first time, after a long period of debating with my mind and struggling with my heart, on whether I should write this article or not, I am going to talk about SATC with tenderness here in this new blog.

Contrary to the title, SATC is not about sex. IT’S ABOUT LOVE. And I shall be talking about SATC in that light. Why Candace Bushnell named her book that way is something we can’t do anything about. As we all may know, sex sells in the secular world. Manhattanites know nothing about Christian morals. She was trying to sell a book to people who didn’t have a God, so what did you expect? (By the way, to those who have no slightest clue to the origins of this TV show, yes, it was all birthed from a novel; a bestseller at that.)

I admit, the show had sex; talked about it; lived it. But that was not why I watched it. In fact, back when I was a non-Christian religiously following the weekly episodes on HBO, I even found some of the sex-related plots appalling. But generally, it was written in a straightforward and sardonically witty way. It was just an honest depiction of how we mere mortals crazily go about searching for that eternal LOVE. That’s why I related to it. In the non-Christian world, where I was weaned, single women do have catastrophic encounters with LOVE in the city. That was the harsh reality, and I was once a poster girl for that.

Just like Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha, I and a million other girls here in Manila didn’t grow up in Bible-based Christian churches. Catholicism not counted obviously. Unfortunately, we weren’t rigidly raised to find a righteous man. But like everybody else, Christians or not, we all just wanted to find LOVE and KEEP IT. And of course, we non-Church-going gals went the carnal route because that was the “norm” in our fallen world.

To some conservative Christians, Carrie and her friends may have been easily seen off as promiscuous women. True, they were engaging in premarital sex but if we look past that and just be concerned about what these women really desired in their hearts, we will see that they were all just hopelessly, desperately, rummaging through the clutter of city life for any sign of LOVE. Unfortunately, in this urban garbage pile, like non-Christian girls resembling them, we only found LOVE that was either wrecked or already rotten. If we ever did find LOVE that was a bit “recyclable”, oftentimes polishing it to a brand new life proved to be more tedious than its worth. Generally, we had more damaged goods in our midst as compared to the fresh produce that Christians grow in their organic garden. (I’m still talking about men and LOVE here, alright? Hehe.)

From my vantage point, I regarded the sex part in SATC as just an incidental element in the entire story. For me, what the show was really talking about was LOVE and all its challenges and facets – relationships, men, friends, commitment, marriage, etc… Sadly, let’s just admit it. Painful as it is, LOVE in the secular fallen material carnal SINFUL world (the world that probably 90% of its inhabitants know and are comfortable with) is always associated with sex in varying degrees. I’m running the risk of sounding like I’m defending the show here but I would just like to say that despite its title SATC was not meant to promote sex. The show just depicted the awful truth that sex always tainted LOVE in the non-Christian world. Truth hurts. It’s glaring. I always say that the ladies who grew up in church are sooo blessed to have been fenced in away from all of that. I would have been a different person growing up but the case was otherwise.

As Carrie went through six seasons of breakups and breakdowns in LOVE, she finally had her breakthrough in the finale episode when the elusive Mr. Big swept her off her feet in Paris. The non-committal guy committed at last! I remembered myself shedding rivers of tears watching that moment. It gave me Hope. It fueled my Faith in LOVE… That one day, just as I have been living my Carrie-esque life, I too will have a Mr. Big committing to me… I too will find LOVE. I did find LOVE. But he was BIGGER than Mr. Big. I found LOVE in GOD!

People who didn’t watch the show would surely easily dismiss the characters of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha as mere shallow sexually immoral BAD role models for women. Yes they may have been bad girls, and if that was the only measurement for evil then a lot of Filipinas are. Oh no! For someone, who related to them, who felt every hurt they endured for LOVE, who cried and laughed with them through every mishap of the heart, I know they weren’t BAD; didn’t mean to be bad examples… they were just BROKEN and BLIND.

They just didn’t know any better. We were all just looking for LOVE. We’ve all been around the block and back but found zilch. Then I realized that I was scouring for Mr. Right in the Wrong district. It was all God’s grace, and truly a miracle that I found my way out of the boroughs of sin and into the municipality of Christ.

There are still a lot of Carries, Mirandas, Charlottes and Samanthas out there who needed to be trafficked out of that errant highway. I was once a Carrie, who finally got towed away by God due to a lot of violations. Part of my spiritual rehabilitation was my severance to anything that was connected to my former damaging lifestyle. That included watching SATC. It was quite a coincidence though that Christ came into my life soon after the last episode aired. It almost seemed like it also prompted the end of my Quest for LOVE.

So technically, I have been in “rehab” for four years now, and like in any rehabilitation program, this is the part where I have to come in terms with some issues and put a lid on it once and for all. One of these issues is SATC. Because of my new convictions, I decided not to watch the movie when it came out a few months ago. But I was battling inside. I wanted to find out what happened to Carrie four years after she found her LOVE.

So with my husband’s permission, we got the DVD version of the movie and I finally watched it with him last night at home. Carrie got married too, just like I did. Although not exactly in the same context but I just can’t resist seeing the rough parallelisms between me and her that continue until now. I cried!!! Even though they weren’t real; even though they were just characters in a TV Show, I’ve always felt their friendship. Their stories; their pains, and joy were real to me. I missed them. They were my companions during those sleepless nights of crying over another broken heart.

Carrie was not a Christian role model but her character gave me hope to not give up on LOVE. I didn’t have Jesus then. I just had Carrie. But Carrie was obviously not enough. And that was when Christ took over. I don’t think Michael Patrick King (SATC director/writer) or Candace Bushnell could have written my story any better.

Finally, I had closure with Carrie. For the longest time, I was ashamed to share that I was an avid fan of the show; afraid that my church mates would find me as a stumbling block; that it would impede my endeavors in ministering to my disciples. But in the end, I felt that denying it defeats the purpose of my testimony. I am not celebrating my past but much of my desire for spiritual restoration now comes from being reminded that I was once a sinner. I didn’t mean to set this as a tripwire for my Christian readers but as a rope to hoist anyone who desires to get out of her pit.

To all the remaining Carries, Mirandas, Charlottes, and Samanthas out there… your stories in this world created by God don’t have to end in the same light that the SATC creators have written it. You can be more. I was like Carrie but now I am much much more because of Christ.

NYC. 2005. That's me "feeling Carrie" while strolling around the Upper East Side, where she lives.