The Blanket Consent

I was cleaning up my computer folders and I found this 4-year old entry from my old deleted blog. The date was June 2005. I remember this was during the "Hello Garci" scandal, and I was a month away from being enroute to New York to re-shuffle my life. I was supposed to go to the US to settle the score on a long distance relationship, and at the same time I had just met Joseph (my husband) for the first time in 8 years. I remember becoming less excited to pursue the other one in the states because of my rekindling romance with Joseph. Sigh... 2005 seems like light years away already. Read my thoughts on "SUBMISSION" at that time of my life and I'm pretty sure you'll be amused. 

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Written in June 2005

This is not a comment on the recent “Hello Garci” events. Although I might cite Gloria, Susan, Cory, Hillary (Clinton not Duff), and even Imelda somewhere in this essay, I would like to clear up that this piece could be anything but a political editorial. I am not a big fan of any of the four. But I will not deny being amazed on how they are such “GREAT” wives to their husbands. They are true examples to the adage: Behind a great man is an even greater woman! Or well, that’s just another way of actually sprucing up a man’s ego. The real meaning to it is, men simply just can’t stand alone, let alone clean up after themselves. Men, no matter how old they have grown up still remain babies who need their diapers changed regularly by their mommies.

I’m not being a Feminist here. In fact, the whole point of my blog is all about SUBMISSION.  I used to be so allergic to this word. As a matter of fact, I still am but lately I’ve realized some things to re-consider with regards to this concept. I am slowly embracing “submission” in a new light. I could imagine myself being the kind of wife that Cory, Susan, Hillary, Imelda, and Gloria are. These are really dominant, strong women who PROBABLY (I’m simply assuming) decided to “submit” themselves in a form of a BLANKET CONSENT. 

This is a new idea I got from my voracious readings on the Internet. (I’ve got so much FREE time, I’m telling you.) Anyway, this refers to the idea of giving the man in your life the freedom to act forcefully and at least in one sense (though not a deeper sense) against your will – without giving him rules to abide by, approved times or places, etc. It implies both an enormous amount of trust on the woman’s part, and considerable knowledge of the woman of the man’s part. It does not mean that the woman loses any “rights” or is a DOORMAT. (So put down those raised eyebrows!) It does not mean that if the man were to start beating the woman to a pulp, he would be able to argue that she had consented. (Let’s not lose our commonsense here, folks! Haller!) It only assumes that there is goodwill and a desire on both sides to create and maintain an exciting relationship. Submission for me now is an obsolete concept. The new way of “submitting” is BLANKET CONSENT.

This is not a rebellion to WOMEN’S LIB. All I’m saying is let the men play their game because we women know the score all the time. This came after recognizing an age-old fact that women are biologically stronger than men. Therefore, there’s really nothing to be hormonally homicidal and insecure about men and their perpetual efforts to conquer us. Most of them die before us anyway, if not all. Hehehe. Haven’t you noticed that women outlive men?

Women do live longer than men. Well, at least that’s the general case in developed countries. The average being 5-6 years. This is only non-applicable in other poor parts of the world where there are still risks of childbirth. But then again, do we even have to go there? So moving on, men might holler and say “Shit that’s unfair!” (And that is why we need to stroke their egos once in a while because we women know, they’re all gonna die before us anyway!) 

Okay, okay, going back to the question: why do women live longer than men? That question can be answered at 2 levels. An evolutionary biologist would tell you that it is because women get evolutionary bonus points from living long enough to help bring up the grandchildren. Men, by contrast, wear themselves out competing for the right to procreate in the first place. In theory, yes these ideas hold water. But before men could argue, I’d like to keep their mouths taped with the medical reason that men lose 1/3 of their heart’s contractile muscles through time while women don’t. Plus estrogen is the hormonal elixir for us females! In this medical study, it has been found that GENERALLY men age in co-terminus with their hearts, while women continue to have younger hearts even as they grow older.

All I’m saying is, I know I am a strong, dominant, intelligent woman and that’s why my friends don’t seem to comprehend when I practically lose my brain whenever I AM IN LOVE. My gay best friend Neil, who survived a month-long stay in my apartment even said “Jill, I don’t think you can live with someone because you’re a bossy, obsessive compulsive bitch!” So how come that BITCH shuts up when she’s with her man?

Well, I won’t deny those. I’ve been called a predator, psycho, nuts, spoiled, and everything else in between by my friends and family. They were never told me in contempt though. Rather, they were all uttered in sweet exasperation. Jokes maybe, but we all know that jokes are half-meant. Okay, okay, I admit that I might freak out because the bathroom floor is wet, or if my CDs were disarranged from their Dewey-Decimal order, or if the throw pillows weren’t sitting on the couch at the right spots where I want them to be on, but IT DOESN’T MEAN I CAN NOT LIVE WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

I know there are women out there like me who are walking (strutting) paradoxes! It is in our nature to be strong, independent and at times even commanding, while also having a genuinely and lovingly submissive side that we choose to share with a trusted partner. It is not that the strong, independent, commanding side of us is just an act, a way of “being tough” for the outside world – it is who we really are but we also have another side that’s far from being less than true. Both sides are equally us – and each one feeds the other. The strong side helps us to grow and explore and to protect ourselves in a world that is by no means always benevolent or benign. But our “submissive” side, the part of us that will always be a young girl – playful, loving, and constantly reassured by a having a stronger, guardian force there to nurture and guide us – helps to give the womanly, independent side some strength.

Look at Gloria hiding a tear when she announced that her husband has decided to flee the country just to save what’s left of the family’s “good” (duh) name. Look at Susan, giving off dramatic scripts disguised as speeches in the name of her beloved albeit philandering demised spouse. Hillary was heads up while her husband’s other head was being worked up. Imelda and Cory are still in a catfight about whose boylet is better than the other. Imagine! These are STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMEN who basically didn’t need any of their men’s shortcomings but then, look at them crusading for their Y-chromosomed significant others. Why are they championing these men who in any feminist’s dictionary would be defined either as a JERK or a WIMP? (okay count out Ninoy) Aren’t these women supposed to be SMART?

As strong women, we don’t want to be TAKEN OVER of course! But we don’t mind being TAKEN IN HAND. Perhaps, in some cases it could be an iron hand in a velvet glove. But what is written in the fine print is this: We bow down to offer ourselves to our masters, and find that they have crowned us QUEENS.

There’s a quote that I like from Madame du Deffand, an 18th century French socialite. She said “Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses.”

So, probably, when I do walk that aisle sometime in the future, I wouldn’t have to flinch when the priest starts saying that I, WOMAN should “SUBMIT” myself to thy SPOUSE. I’ll just say I DO and give him the sheepish grin. I know better now.

What Archie’s Decision tells us about what Men really want in women and life in general!

I read Archie comics as a kid and was quite a collector until I was in high school. For 60 years, readers were drawn to Betty and Veronica’s tug-of-war over Archie... Who was Archie going to take to the Prom… Who would get a better present for Christmas… Whose birthday won’t be forgotten… Alas, the wily teenager from Riverdale finally decided it was time to settle down (comfortably if you may) by asking the hand of drum roll please… heiress Veronica Lodge! First of all, the fact that Archie made a choice was already quite a shocker, and has already cooked speculations of the comic book franchise closing shop. But that’s another blog altogether. Let’s talk about Archie’s choice for a wife. Why Ronnie and why not Betty?

From the get go, Betty has always been the loser in every aspect of the win-Archie’s-heart-game. Sure we pitied Betty. She was the lovable girl-next-door who was hopelessly devoted to Mr. Andrews. Here was a girl who was willing to take some crap in the name of love. Doesn’t she deserve a happy ending? After all, Cinderella married her Prince right?

But that’s just the thing ladies. Unfortunately Archie had to make a decision during the time when the US is in a full economic recession and not when fairy tales do come true. Archie Andrews was just making a very smart investment. I don’t blame him at all. I would like to believe that he liked both girls but if push comes to shove, he definitely had a better future in the arms of Veronica. And I’m not just talking about being financially secure through conjugal assets acquired automatically upon marriage. I know for sure that a pre-nup isn’t around to spoil this sweet cake. Veronica, even in her spoiled brat ways, is not that kind of millionaire daughter who’s paranoid about strangers touching the family jewels. She loves Archie just as much as Betty does, and she’s willing to give it all she’s got to marry the man of her dreams.

What would make Veronica a better spouse for Archie compared to Betty? First, let’s look at Archie’s personality traits a little bit closer. Archiekins is quite a party boy. He’s not exactly very responsible but he knows when to put hard work when he needs to. Archie’s also quite insecure. He’s a dreamer but he doesn’t have any direction. He’s talented but he needs to be pushed. He is an artist by heart and so he needs a life partner who can manage him. He needs a strong neck to turn that big head. Do you think simple, clumsy, insecure Betty can steer his ship into success? I don’t think so. That makes Veronica a viable choice for Archie to achieve his potentials. Archie just doesn’t need a wife. He needs a leader who’s also more than willing to be lead by him. See the paradox?

Look at some of the best power couples out there. The man may be in a higher position but without that strong woman behind him, getting to that spot would have been a much tougher climb. Men are seguristas in nature. I always believe that behind great men are even greater women. Archie Andrews by the legal power of his marriage to Veronica Lodge may see himself on the President’s Chair at Lodge Enterprises but let’s not forget that Veronica is still Chairman of the Board, at work and at home.

So ladies, the moral lesson is... martyrdom is an ancient thing of the past. Women don't need any saving. There are more bachelors in distress than there are damsels!

White Lace & Promises...

... A kiss for luck and we're on our way... We've only just begun...

June is coming and although in Pinoy context more weddings take place in December and April, you can't deny the romantic ideals of being a June Bride. Because 'tis the season to be married, someone I know has given birth to the idea of creating a website that's all about love & marriage...

www.sweetheartsandspouses.com

A Year After...

Last weekend, April 19 to be exact, Joseph and I marked our first year as husband and wife. It’s cliché to say that it’s been a roller-coaster ride but really there’s no other perfect description for it. Good thing that in reality I love theme parks and I’m a sucker for crazy rides. So basically the past year had been fun… crazy, wild, scary, thrilling, emotional, but all in all – FUN! It’s fun to be my husband’s wife. It’s fun to be married to someone who doesn’t mind (and even adores) my endless quirks. It’s fun to be married to someone who listens to my drama queen moments… who cheers my pussycat doll renditions (hahaha)… who is a big fan of my culinary skills… who remains faithful to every word he said in his wedding vow.

We had so much fun being married that we just casually pushed aside any other wedding detail that needed to be accomplished such as our wedding video and photo album. Seriously, after preparing for the wedding day itself, we were just thankful that it was over and we opted to take a breather from it. Alas we totally forgot about those pending matters. We actually just “saw” our wedding this week as we finally claimed the video and photo album after ALMOST ONE YEAR. We were able to bring it along to our Anniversary Dinner Party at Adarna Food & Culture.



Watching the wedding on screen, we were even more thankful to God for making it beautiful. Praise God that my rashes were not so visible on video. Praise God for the generous Jerome Chang (make-up artist to Lucy Torres, Vicki Belo, Zsa Zsa among others) who didn’t charge me an arm and a leg for my glamorous “tears-proof, camera-tested, all-night-beauty-guaranteed” make-up. The rate was probably the “friendliest” rate he has ever given to a bride. Thanks again Jerome, God bless you.

Praise God for the weather that it wasn’t this dreadfully hot last year and that it didn’t rain too. God indeed reserved that date. Praise Him even more for the wisdom in selecting our Principal Sponsors. We just didn’t want to get anybody who “could give us a generous gift” to start with. We didn’t want Ninongs and Ninangs for the sake of having some. We just didn’t want to put bigwigs or famous people on our invitation even if we could, considering that we do know a lot of these kinds. We really wanted people who could guide and counsel us… couples who can inspire and disciple us. We wanted more than just “Sponsors”… we needed “Spiritual Allies”… Prayer Partners and Shepherds who can really provide wisdom and example on the Biblical portrait of marriage.

Here's a clip from our Wedding Anniversary Party

Easy DIY Photo Tricks

What did my husband and I do during the Holy Week? We stayed home... slept 'til 2PM (I'm not exaggerating… watched DVDs… cleaned our storage room… went through a million photos for the church commemorative book (okay, now I’m exaggerating)… and had fun with our digital photos! Let me share with you some of the really cool sites that allowed us to tweak and tinker with our pictures.

Our 1st Wedding Anniversary is just a week from now and in lieu of our original plan which is to take a trip abroad (due to budget and time constraints), we decided instead to host a special dinner exclusively for our marital godfathers and their wives and my husband’s best men (best friends too) and their SOs. It’s just going to be a small party for 20 people. We’re going DIY so we made our invitation using a template from this site called Silly Scenes and this is how our invitation came out.

I chose this template for its old world charm which complements our dinner party venue -- @ the Silid ng Bituin of the Adarna Food & Culture.

And then, for our tokens we thought of giving our guests a mock magazine cover as a souvenir photo. Hehe. Just for fun! There are a lot of sites that offer mock magazine cover tricks but we love Big Huge Labs because you can save your image without having to buy it from them and you can make it more personalized. Other sites have templates that cannot be altered. Although it’s low res, it’s pretty good enough to print out on 4R or 3R photo sizes. However, they do offer a High Res pass which is exclusive (I think) to Flicker subscribers. This pass allows you to order and/or save it as a High Res image. By the way check out the other tricks offered on this site. They’re so cool and user-friendly… and best of all idiot-friendly!

Aside from the magazine cover photo, we are also giving our guests a DVD which contains the following videos: Our full wedding coverage… Our pre-nup video that we weren’t able to show during our wedding ‘coz of technical glitches (sigh)… Our Sweet Life Interview with Lucy Torres… and a Photo Slideshow Video that features the events that happened in our first year of marriage. I edited this on my own using the Muvee Autoproducer 6 software that came with my HP Pavilion Notebook. It’s more fun than Windows Moviemaker because it’s got more cute templates and video effects.

Wanna be a Bride in Batangas?

When in Nasugbu, Batangas make sure to have your lunch or dinner at this place called KAINAN SA DALAMPASIGAN. I chanced upon this “rustic-elegant” restaurant on our way to Pico de Loro Cove for an event site ocular inspection, together with three other events groups bidding for the project. Our host from SM Properties brought us here and I would have to say it’s a lovely place.

I was sleeping in the van during the whole trip so I was totally surprised to wake up to the sight of hanging vines as the van crept its way into a narrow road. Then the whole group was more pleasantly amazed when we finally made a stop in front of a Spanish-themed casa with its colorful stained-glass windows. Bougainvilleas and other local flowers adorned the place. I think the floor was made up of terracotta tiles, reminiscent of Spanish lanais, and all the tables were made of wood. Certainly, it has a country feel. It reminded me of the Bohol Bee Farm and other country inns that I have visited so far, though it’s different from Sonya’s, which I think has a more shabby chic appeal – feminine and quaint.

Anyway, I learned that the restaurant has been there for years and it was only recently that they made renovations. For a Thursday, people were streaming in like it was a weekend. So I could just imagine how this place would be packed by then. Our host said this restaurant was famous for its Tangigue steak, so we had that plus Pinakbet and Baked Tahong. Though the food was good, and really makes you feel right at home (like you’re eating at your lola’s house) there’s really nothing to "super" rave about it. I was even quite disappointed that the prices were similar to Manila restos. I expected them to be way cheaper since we were in the "province" after all. Good thing their servings were hefty so that kinda equalized the costs. Despite that I’m just saying that I don’t think you need to intentionally drive down to Nasugbu just to have a piece of their Tangigue steak, like some celebrities allegedly do according to the waitresses.

They were more than eager to tell claim-to-fame stories like Regine and Ogie used to have lunch and dinner here straight from Manila way before they have announced their relationship to the public. (Wow, they were really running out of hiding places in Manila, huh?) And the waitresses were also very excited to share that this was the restaurant used in Juday’s telenovela where she was a cook with that infamous secret chicken recipe.

Like I said, food is okay but nothing to be crazy about but it's GOOD. However, it would really be a shame if you miss this place if ever you’re in the Nasugbu area. It’s worth the stop at least. If not for the food then the aesthetics of the place would certainly give you your tourist's fill. Great for photo ops. The only thing that really piqued my interest is the fact that they actually have a chapel in their garden. So if ever you’re planning on a destination wedding and your bridal compass is pointing to Batangas, I think this place would be perfect for that country garden wedding. There’s already a chapel and then just a few steps away is the restaurant which is almost as large as the reception area of Sonya’s Garden if not a little bit bigger.

Kainan sa Dalampasigan (+63 43 931-1134) Barangay Bucana, Nasugbu, Batangas

Personalize your Wedding Invitations

It’s wedding season again as the Ber months are slowly streaming in. To all the Brides-to-Be who are still on the Wedding Invitations phase, let me suggest something…

We love our wedding invitations. It wasn’t anything fancy but it truly spoke about us. It was simple but stylish enough. It was inexpensive yet elegant. Being a Bride-on-a-Budget, I had my nose up for any ingenious find. I was sooo disappointed with the designs that we found on the more popular shops at the mall like VCraft and QP. Most of them were plain but surprisingly very expensive. Another pet peeve was I didn’t want my invitation to look like a hundred others out there. Most of their designs at VCraft and QP had the usual monogrammed initials on the envelope and standard text fonts and wordings inside. I knew that having my wedding invitations custom-made would cost me but I didn’t give up. I know somebody out there would be able to personalize my invitations even for a very low cost.

The answer to my prayers was a little home-based business called “Village Projekt”. The proprietor/designer Katrina Valenzuela runs her design shop at home in UP Village. I learned from our first meeting that this young mom-preneur graduated from the UP Diliman School of Fine Arts. She was really nice and engaging. And the best thing is she can work around your budget. I didn’t want to go beyond P10,000 for 100pcs of invitations. If I went to QP or VCraft that would have been impossible because the cheapest nice ones I found there cost somewhere P120-150 per piece. Since we want a coffee-themed wedding using brown and pink colors, Katrina offered to use coffee-like wood beads as accents to the brown satin ribbon. The pink graphic was Katrina’s enhancement of a clip art that Joseph was able to dig from the internet. They’re supposed be artsy versions of a coffee cup and some coffee clouds. The materials were simple. She used Gold Dust boards and Sirio Caffe envelopes. Our invitation only cost P95/pc. It was simple but our guests thought it looked classy. Pardon me if my photographs didn’t do them any justice. HeeHee… =)



Anyway, as an additional touch, we bought a ceramic seal with the initial “J’ (for Joseph and Jill) at Hobbes and Landes. Since we can’t find a pink-colored wax for the seal, we used pink glue stick instead and it worked.


So there you have it. We had a wedding invitation that wasn’t too expensive. It was personalized for us and by us. And our guests like it. Wedding invitations are very important. It’s not just something that announces the date and venue of your wedding but it gives your guests the first impression of how you really are as a couple. The wedding invitation introduces your personality. We were proud of our invites because not only we were able to save up but putting it together by ourselves (putting on the name labels and sealing the envelopes with the pink monogram) was a beautiful bonding time for us as a couple. So for those who have just been engaged, start practicing your teamwork on being a couple by personalizing your wedding invitations.

p.s.
If you want to see more Village Projekt designs go HERE

Behind the Veil: The Untold Story of my Wedding Day

This blog entry was originally posted on http://jillaceous.multiply.com/ a couple of weeks after my wedding.

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All I can say is… Thank you Lord! Finally! Another breakthrough in my life and I could not have done it without God! I know a lot of people are itching to hear the whole story of my wedding – the disasters, the drama and the bloopers! So this is it! It took me some days for me to recuperate and reflect on all the things that happened on the week of my wedding. It still feels like a dream to be actually “married”. It’s as if the wedding day didn’t happen yet. Honestly right now, I still have that natural urge to go over my wedding files. Imagine… all those months of meticulous planning, Excel-files frenzy, Internet research, sleepless nights, petty fights… all culminated in a bizarre, sweeping, surreal night. Just like that!

Again, God indeed revealed himself to “control-freak” me that He is the only Master Planner! He is the ultimate Wedding Day coordinator! He is the Author of my Wedding day story! And true enough, I always knew that God has a special fondness for me. I’m definitely not made for cliché. God made sure that our wedding would be “memorable!” And so naturally, Jill’s wedding day would not have been complete without the DRAMA and the DISASTER. :-)

I really don’t know where to start. WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO BE LOOOOONG.

Let’s just kick it off with that week leading to April 19. My WHOLE family (and I’m not exaggerating; that includes my complete set of cousins, titos, titas, and grandparents) from the States, Davao, Korea and London arrived much earlier than I had hoped for. I really would have wanted them to arrive much later because I needed the time and my workspace at home to finish up all my pending projects with Direk Rich and for Shall We Dance. Interestingly, I had the most number of projects during my wedding planning months! I know I asked God for financial provisions but I think I forgot to add “ease in workload” in my supplications. I was so mega-harassed and stressed-out. But of course, I had to finish my work. It was months of juggling work deadlines, wedding planning, taking care of Kean, church commitments and “saving” my relationship with Joseph.

MY BIG FAT PINOY WEDDING…

And so my family arrived and they seized the condo. That meant I could not work anymore so I had to give up 4 episodes of Shall We Dance. Sigh. That meant 1 month’s worth of income down the drain. However, prior to that I was already so distracted. A week or so leading to my wedding day, my mom had been putting so much pressure on me already. They were usually money issues so I won’t expound anymore. And the plot thickened when my sister arrived in the scene. In the middle of all the wedding stress between me and my mom, my sister had to butt in with her own mama issues. I got calls at 4AM. My sister and mom let out laments that they’re not attending the wedding anymore because they’re fighting. And I know mama too well that if she starts becoming stressed out she has this tendency to say “too much”. At the peak of her stress, she threatened to boycott the wedding because of my sister; and because she’s not ready to see my father. And then she goes on by saying that my wedding gown (which was being made at my aunt’s atelier in Davao) was ruined because my aunt’s seamstress didn’t know how to handle the silk georgette fabric; and that the entourage dresses don’t look pretty, etc etc… she just never ran out of negative things to say. She started to nitpick on every aspect of my wedding down to the lechon! I could not count how many times she reminded me if I had ordered lechon already.



At that point, I really could not understand why she was trying to sabotage my happiness. That was the time when I felt that my family probably didn't love me. Here I was all stressed out with my wedding preps and all they could think about was their Grand Vacation. Amidst all the preps, I had to squeeze in apartelle and transpo bookings for all of my relatives. And when I finally got them accommodations, I even got complaints instead of thanks. Sigh. There’s just no way pleasing them. I was really beginning to feel hurt and irked. It was as if my wedding was just a coincidence in their summer plans. But with God’s grace, and through prayers, I opened up my heart to the perspective that mama and the rest of my family are just SUPER excited. I know they just want this whole event to be perfect for everyone. Too bad that most of the time, their excitement eats the better of them.

Now that’s just on my side of the family. Joseph had his own family drama but I’ll leave it to him to tell his story. :-)

BECOMING BRIDEZILLA…
Since the beginning of my wedding preparation, I told myself that I will never be a Bridezilla. Joseph and I didn’t really want to get a wedding coordinator because we really are a Hands-On couple. We expected that the planning would be more tedious if we do it on our own but we felt that if we handed the reins over to a coordinator, it would be like getting a yaya for my newborn child. Sure that’s helpful but I don’t really want stranger’s arms cradling my baby. I sought help from friends for minor details but Joseph and I did all the diaper-changing for the wedding. Of course, weddings like new born babies can be unfathomable creatures at times. Joseph and I had our own fair share of petty fights, sleepless nights, and panic attacks (oh that was just me!)

But on the week leading to our wedding, the stress levels were just too high that the Bridezilla had to emerge. You know, I’m pretty easy to please. BUT that doesn’t mean I don’t hold certain standards. All the wedding details were pretty much in place except for the MUSIC. After months of budget consideration, we ended up with Cadenza Music Ensemble. I really haven’t heard of them. We only got them for personal reasons. Apple one of our church mates was the new vocalist. And one of the other soon-to-be-married couples in our church was also getting them so the recommendation was enough. Since we always wanted a personal connection to our suppliers, we decided to get them. Honestly, I already felt something fishy the moment I began arranging schedules with them. In one word, the perfect way to describe them was “Malabo!” I would like to exempt Apple from this because she was also not spared with problems with her own band on her own wedding! So the band (minus Apple) was “Malabo”. First, they were not even paying half an attention to my specific instructions and requests despite my emails, text and YM messages. I constantly communicated with them but they were just so impeccably impossible to deal with. But I managed to extend my patience up until 3 days before my wedding day. It has already been a hectic and stressful week. All I wanted to do that day was to listen and finalize the song sequencing according to the program. Imagine, Joseph and I had to travel all the way to Taytay, Rizal only to be utterly disappointed.

It was stressful enough that they had to arrange a rehearsal meeting for us in all places – Taytay! But it was okay. Up until that point, I was still hopeful that I’m paying good money for sheer talent and professionalism! Unfortunately, I was wrong. Despite the fact that I asked them to tell us their entire list of terms and conditions the first time we met… despite the fact that I was efficient in providing them with all the materials that they would need (the program sequence, list of our requested songs, MP3s of the songs, etc etc)… despite my on time payment… they let me down SO BADLY! First of all, their band leader didn’t even take the time to open his email to review the sequence guide and the song list. The band didn’t even take the time to rehearse. They said they don’t really have extra time to rehearse because they all have day jobs! Uhm, hello! Why did you form a band if you can’t live up to the demands of the job and the client? And then he LIED to me when he said that I did not need to worry because he can arrange the songs I requested OVERNIGHT! They LIED to us by saying that they can accommodate our requested songs at no extra cost. They told me all these LIES 3 WEEKS before the wedding. And then 3 DAYS before the wedding, when I asked him what happened to the significant songs that I requested, he suddenly said “cockily” that the band actually charges the client for extra songs to be arranged! And that he doesn’t have time anymore to make the arrangements for the new songs. At this point, I just became an erupting Krakatoa Volcano! He tells me this information 3 days before the wedding? How dare him! Tell me if I didn’t have an ounce of a right to turn into Bridezilla at that time? But by God’s grace, I did not turn into an actual full-blown Bridezilla. Oh but I was really furious. I did what I had to do. I stated my opinion and feelings right then and there to their face. With a restrained but sharp as a samurai voice, I told them they were unprofessional, liars, and not worth even half of a single penny of their talent fee! After that highly emotional meeting, I just decided to let go. How can I book another string quartet 3 days before the wedding? The down payment was already issued so I was stuck with them. I just prayed for God to play the music for us on our wedding day.

At that point, I was really beginning to feel weary. Stress from our family’s expectations and criticisms; dealing with difficult suppliers like Cadenza… No amount of dieting and aerobic work-out was good enough with the high levels of cortisol in my body! The more people around me pressured me on my slimming down for the wedding, the more I got fat because of the stress thinking about my “bloatedness”. The fact that my future mother-in-law is into a Jane Fonda regimen didn’t help at all. Adding insult to injury is the fact that Joseph’s sisters were all reed thin. PRESSURE!!! I was really starting to get annoyed when people kept on noticing and quipping “Huy tumaba ka!” Is it my problem that I can’t lose weight when I’m stressed out? Sometimes, people just can’t understand that not all people are built to respond to work-outs and diets. Yes, I know my face is becoming more like siopao so maybe can you stop pointing it out and maybe it will slim down? Sigh. Anyway, that was Bridezilla me in my head during those times.

I know I’m still leaving out other details and glitches that happened but honestly sa dami nila, I can’t even remember all of them anymore. The ones I’m putting here are the most unforgettable ones at least as far as I can remember.

The worst was yet to come on my wedding day!

BOUQUET-LESS BRIDE!

One of the special things about our wedding is the fact that a lot of my good friends and family members contributed to it. Later on I’ll say my thanks to everyone who added to the beauty of our wedding day! But for now, let me just tell you about the BIGGEST disappointment that happened on my one special day.

I considered Neil Tan as one of my best friends in this world. We’ve been through a lot and as far as I’m concerned, the Neil Tan I knew will not let his friend down. He was there with me all through those years; all through my sleepless crying brokenhearted nights. We know each other’s family drama. We know the nooks and crannies of each other’s love lives. But I would have to admit, I have seen some “alterations” in Neil’s personality and priorities for the past 2 years. But these changes didn’t occur to me until my wedding day disaster happened. Up until that time, I had good faith in my old friend.

Neil was one of those few people who really knew Jill and Joseph’s entire love story. He was there during the low points. So the moment I got engaged, it was but natural that he signed up for something to do on my wedding. He volunteered himself to do the flowers: my bouquet and the posies for the entourage. Of course I was happy and thankful to the Lord. Being a bride on a budget, any kind of help is indeed a blessing. Months into the wedding, we were always collaborating on the designs of the bouquet. In fact, 2 weeks before my wedding, he even confirmed the exact types of flowers he was gonna use and he couldn’t stop exclaiming in his text messages how excited he is already. And then, 4 days before the wedding we were still okay. I even defended him to my mom who made a bad comment about him. I remember my mom saying “Naku anak, sigurado ka ba diyan kay Neil? Mga bading pa naman hindi mapagkakatiwalaan!” I was really angry at my mom for saying those. At that point, we were still “at war” remember, so I resented her saying something like that about one of my best friends. Little did I know that this time my mother was FINALLY RIGHT!

Ate Teri Lacayanga was gracious enough to accept wedding day coordinator duties for us. So a week before the wedding, we already gave her all the contact and supplier contract details. I know she didn’t want to upset me that’s why Neil’s “no reply” to all her calls and text messages didn’t reach me until on the wedding day itself. Ate Teri apologized for disturbing me that day. I was already at my hotel room waiting for my hair and make-up team when her messages came in. Neil Tan has been MIA for days now. Suddenly, a chill ran down my spine. My stomach turned. And I was slowly feeling some fever creeping into my body. I asked Roche to run to Neil’s condo to check on him. The guard said their log book showed that he was last seen going out of the building on April 17. Where in the world is Neil Tan?

At that point, I could not believe that Neil would be doing that to me – and of all days – on my wedding! His phone was ringing but he was not picking up. That’s when bizarre ideas came to me. Like I told you earlier, I’ve been noticing some slight changes in his personality. Recently, he’s been PARTYING a lot and mingling with strangers pretending to be friends… he’s been drinking a lot too…. Many times I tried to share the gospel with him but he wouldn’t budge. But despite all that, I stuck by him even if I was not pleased with his lifestyle. I was just there ready to listen to his laments because he did that for me before. So at that point, I didn’t know what I would want to hear. I don’t know what would be worse? To learn that he got into a drinking overdose or worse a drug accident? Or to learn that he just suddenly skipped town for work and didn’t even have the slightest ounce of courtesy to tell me about it? Either way it was bad. Either way it hurt. Either way it ruined my wedding. So there. I DIDN’T HAVE FLOWERS FOR ME & MY ENTOURAGE ON MY WEDDING and there was nothing I could do but lock myself up in my suite bathroom and cry. To top it all off, my mom arrived at my room and the moment she found out about Neil and the flowers… you guessed it… I got a stern “I TOLD YOU SO!” And I hated my mom even more for saying that.

On the way to the venue, I knew there was something wrong with me already. Either I was going to throw up in tension, sadness, stress or worse, develop hives. I know myself too well that if I get EXTREMELY STRESSED OUT, my allergies would act up. And true enough, by the time Joseph and I said I DO and KISSED… my rashes erupted on my skin and spread all over my legs, arms, and torso. But God is still GOOD because he didn’t allow any red spot to touch my face.

Until now, I still didn’t know what happened to Neil. I know he knows what he has done. I’m just waiting for him to come up to me and tell me his side of the story. I’m willing to listen. Although I can’t really believe that someone I have considered one of my trusted friends could not be trusted at all. Of all the days that he had to hurt me – it was my wedding day!

But despite that GOD IS GOOD! Because one person may have cursed it but MORE PEOPLE were blessings. And the next items on this blog are my sincerest shout-outs and happy thanks to the following people…

GOD BLESS THESE PEOPLE…

To all the people who attended and shared their blessings with us – THANK YOU SO MUCH! I kinda feel bad that some of my friends who I considered important (ahem Zharon Japitana) didn’t go and didn’t even tell me that something came up. I always believe in the saying “Pag gusto laging may paraan. Pag ayaw maraming dahilan.” Joseph and I were so overwhelmed that even my friends from Japan Jun and Tonette Collado were able to come home and see their “sseayp daughter” get married. Not to mention that Joseph’s officemate/friend Ronald Rabo and his wife Janess didn’t even finish the wedding they were also attending that day in Cagayan de Oro. The couple flew to CDO in the morning, attended a wedding ceremony and then flew out to Manila to see us Joseph and Jill tie the knot. :-) Even Lucy Torres managed to take time out of her busy schedule to see the ceremony atleast… See… it’s all about the heart! It’s people like them who inspire you to do good to other people too.

Moving on…


Contrary to what my mom was bickering about, my dress came out like how I wanted it to be. I just wanted a simple gown. Not too many bead work. No long trains. No balloon ball gowns. Eh si mama stuck in the ‘80s pa yata and wants me to look like a Santo Nino. But anyway, the dresses turned out to be pretty and mama naman said sorry for being negative about the dresses. She said she was just pressured that people might not like it so inunahan na nya. Nyek. SUPER THANKS TO Jhayar Magdaleno, my designer/seamstress. He even did some “magic” to my dress for the dance. And to the “walang-tulugan” sewing staff of Raquel’s Apparel.

My make-up was done by the very generous Jerome Chang (make-up artist to Lucy Torres and Vicki Belo and all other stars). I’m so grateful to him for giving me a MAJOR discount in the hair and make-up package. Imagine he’s the make-up artist to the stars. I definitely could not afford him hehe but God is so GRACIOUS that he touched Jerome’s generous heart.

And then there’s my ever reliable kumare Avie Tumbaga who supplied all the delicious smelling kapeng barako coffee beans for the wedding favors. Thank you to Maca Miro and Arlyn Lapuz who were so diligent in calling up all the guests for their RSVPs. And then there’s Sarah Palarca, my sister-in-law who went to Tabora market to source out the jute bags to be used for the wedding favors. And then there’s Queenie Palarca and her fellowship mates Mae Simon and Winwin who spend one long afternoon in my cndo to put together the coffee bean bag favors. And of course, I can’t say thank you enough to Ate Gloria Avante, our senior pastor’s wife who was so gracious in hosting my bridal shower at her home. She even dressed up her lanai like a Balinese spa and of course she whipped up a mouth-watering Asian salad and chili garlic chicken! Yum yum!

My friend for 17 years now, Muree Cua-Arcega made our rings and she gave it to us for an unimaginable low price. Speaking of rings, my sister Angelie Villanueva even paid for them. And of course, another good friend who surprisingly didn’t let me down this time is Arleen Bacay. She took our beautiful outdoor pre-nup photos that were used in the wedding programs, note cards, and favors. Even my director Rich Ilustre was generous enough to lend his 3CCD professional video camera for our wedding AVP shoot. Ryllah Berico, another good friend took time out of her busy schedule to sit down and edit our AVP. The AVP was terrific. Unfortunately, it was one of the casualties during the wedding reception. When it was about time to play, the LCD projector bogged down. Sayang talaga. The AVP was really beautiful. (You can view it here instead)

And so while the AVP bogged down, the program was greatly salvaged by two of my favorite people who emceed that night – Kate Lacson and Roy Molon! I heard a lot of guests say that my wedding reception was one of the funnest they have ever experienced. Kate, through time, I always knew you would do anything for a friend. Thank you to Kris Tan, one of Joseph’s fellowship mates, for running to the nearest pharmacy to get me some antihistamine for my allergies. And of course, running the whole show that day was superwoman herself Ate Teri Lacayanga! And of course another really dependable person on that day is Armie Collado of Blue Gardens.

Special thanks to Pastor Nicky Joya and his wife Sally. You are indeed more than marriage counselors – YOU ARE TRUE FRIENDS who are willing to lend us your time, ears, and hands. :-) Thank you for counseling us through the wedding preps.

But I would have to say that the biggest SUPERHEROES of that day were the ever reliable couple Paul and Grace Atienza and that nice lady who owns PACIFIC BLOOMS on Examiner Street! Paul as Joseph’s best friend and best man came to the rescue when they heard that my flowers didn’t go through. We knew it was a long shot for a florist to make a wedding bouquet 3 hours before the wedding but Paul and Grace tried their luck with Pacific Blooms. It was quite a high-class flower shop so the price range was quite steep. And since we weren’t prepared for a disaster like this, the contingency money was limited. But GOD once again performed a miracle. The lady who owned the shop was very compassionate and even shared that she had a similar situation with her flowers on her wedding years ago before she became a florist. Because she could relate, Ms. Pacific Blooms made my bouquet herself with the most beautiful pink and white Ecuadorian roses! In the nick of time, the bouquet was delivered to my doorstep. I was overwhelmed. The sight of roses had never made me cry like this before!

So there… I HAD A BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET OF PINK AND WHITE ROSES when I walked down the aisle.

People said they didn’t notice that the entourage girls and the ninangs/mothers didn’t have flowers with them. All in all, despite the STRESS ALLERGIES, the bloopers, the glitches… etc etc… IT WAS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I GOT MARRIED TO THE ONE I LOVE.

Looking back, Joseph and I are at loss for words to our Almighty God for this gift. He could have decided to make the wedding NOT HAPPEN ENTIRELY but God wanted our wedding to be meaningful. With every disaster that Joseph and I faced, we became more in love with each other and we became more faithful in the Lord.

“When I look at the night sky and we see the work of your fingers – the moon and the stars you have set in place – what are mortals that you should think of us, mere humans that you should care for us?” PSALM 8:3-4

Of course, we would like to thank our families and parents especially my mom. I know she loves me. It’s just that she really has this weird way of showing it. :-) But I know she meant well. Nothing but perfection for her daughter.

Our wedding was filled with tears, rollicking laughter, and yes some allergies! :-) And God as the author of our love story sure didn’t want to make a mere telenovela. It had to end like a romantic comedy.

Warning on "Cadenza Music Ensemble"

This is my husband's "ranting" review on our Wedding Musicians. This blog entry was originally posted on our wedding site: http://josephandjill.multiply.com/m



Were giving this group one star because this is the lowest rating this review can allow & because we'd like to be fair to our friend who just happens to sing with this group. (Mrs. P: Otherwise, it's zero star)

Let us get straight to the point - if you are the kind of person who puts a high regard on the music you'd want to play on your wedding or on any important occassion for that matter, please save yourself the aggravation & disappointment & bring your money to another group because dealing with this group was really a pain.

We approached this group because of a friend who happened to have a common acquaintance in the group & because a friend of ours also sings for them. But we would later learn that friendship is no guarantee of quality or at least professionalism.

In our experience, Cadenza proved to be very unprofessional both in the way they conduct business with us, their clients, & the way they handled their music.

Our first meeting with them should been warning enough when we had to go all the way to their studio in Rizal under the blistering sun without any clear directions from them because apparently even they didn't know where they were. But we extended patience & after a couple of songs we decided to go with them still.

We gave them a list of songs we'd want them to play, songs that are really important to us & with all confidence we were assured that this would not be a problem. So we met again to make our payments to seal the deal.

However the days would turn into weeks without any word from them & without any advice from them on their progress. Even the singer didn't know what was happening & even what songs she was going to sing. This was days away from the wedding. But we were assured by them that everything was on track & that they would be able to play our songs.

Finally we had our last rehearsal with them. Sure enough they were able to play some of our songs. Unfortunately when we asked about the other songs, they suddenly came back at us with something like they can't find the time to make the music pieces to play our songs & that actually we had to pay extra for them to even play songs not on their repertoire. This was after all their assurances & the faith that we extended to them trusting that at least professionalism would prevail.

Suddenly we found ourselves stuck with a group that is not able to perform the way they promised us they would & days away with our wedding. So after giving them a piece of our mind, we told them they need to deliver on our wedding day because that was what they promised us.

It was a blessing that we were so preoccupied on our wedding day to even notice that this group was playing off-key in many songs, a fact our musician friends pointed out to us after the wedding otherwise we would have really thrown a fit.

This group is far from being a professional music group & you would do good to consider another group if you want to have beautiful music on your wedding day not to mention to spare yourself the mess of having to deal with such a group. (by: Joseph Palarca)

"Blue Gardens" for the Bride on a Budget

Joseph and I spent about 2 months searching for the appropriate venue for our wedding. I was googling like mad. We went to a handful of wedding fairs, Food Tasting events by possible caterers, and spent our weekends visiting some prospects. Our first idea was to really wed in Sonya's Garden, Tagaytay because this happens to be a very special place for us. However, when we considered the pros and cons, Sonyas became a challenging idea. But we still wanted to marry in an English Garden type of venue so we pursued the idea and looked for the perfect place here in Metro Manila.

I discovered Blue Gardens on the internet when I googled for "worry free wedding". And lo and behold, Blue Gardens really turned out to be what they promised. So far, among the NUMEROUS wedding packages that I studied throughout this hunt, Blue Gardens turned out to have the most practical quotation. If you're a BRIDE ON A BUDGET then this is the perfect place! Their garden, where the ceremonies usually happen and their Chateau where their receptions usually take place are LOVELY in a very humble and quaint way. It's SHABBY CHIC! :-) And I am a big shabby chic fan. So when I saw the premises, I just felt that this was the place God reserved for Joseph and me.

Their Worry Free Wedding Packages are complete. Their packages include the Caterer, Photography, Videography, Cake, Favors, and other details. However just a small footnote, don't expect TOP OF THE LINE suppliers for the Photography, Videography and Cake. I mean, they're OKAY as long as you're not expecting high-tech cutting edge services. Of course we all know that the top of the line Photo/Video services nowadays cost no lower than 50k. However, this does not mean that their in house Photo/Video Ferzze Zapata is no good. He's okay. Average at the least. BUT, there's a big BUT... IF we had more money, we would have gotten a more top of the line photo/video services separately. But hey, can you imagine that our whole Blue Gardens package including the ceremony didn't go beyond 150k? YES BRIDES TO BE... YOU CAN GET MARRIED LIKE ME (see our wedding photos) for only 150,000 pesos! :-) ALL IN NA YAN!

But of course, despite the pleasure of availing a COMPLETE WORRY FREE WEDDING PACKAGE, Joseph and I still want to tailor-fit our wedding according to our preferences to make it more personalized. Of course, we don't want to look like we just got a VALUE MEAL TYPE OF WEDDING.

So for our Blue Gardens package, we chose Lina Vitan as the caterer amogn the 4 accredited caterers of BLue Gardens (Hizons, Eloquente, Delica and Lina Vitan). We chose the Lina Vitan package because they're the CHEAPEST :-) hehe and besides I am already familiar with their food beacsue they usually cater t GMA events and as far as I remembered, their food was good. So there, we chose Lina Vitan. And then we signed up for their in-house photo/video which is Ferzze Zapata and just paid additional fees to upgrade the size of our official wedding album. Then we took out the Cake and the plant favors that were part fo the package. So the savings we got from the deductions were exchanged for other upgrades in the menu and other small stuff. We took out their cake because it was small and since I really want cupcakes for my wedding, we ordered our own cupcake tower separately. (see other review for cupcakes).

But you know what I really love about Blue Gardens? -- THEIR STAFF! Special mention to our Account handler ARMIE COLLADO. She's the BEST! She definitely knows what she's doing. She's an Account handler slash Wedding Coordinator mo na rin. Trust me, with Armie there, you don't really need to pay for another wedding day coordinator for your wedding day. Although, my friend Teri volunteered to be Coordinator for the day, she and Armie made a great team.

All in all, we would like to give 4 stars to Blue Gardens. It was jsut right for us but the only reason why I'm not giving them a perfect score because like all things, there are still some improvements that need to be done and some considerations to look at.

One feedback I got was the location was quite challenging. But well, the people who complained about that were my relatives from the province. So ano naman alam nila sa pasikot-sikot sa Manila? Hehe :p But to be fair to them, yeah, I admit Blue Gardens is not really in a prime location but hey Fernwoods is also hard to find. :p Blue Gardens and most wedding venues naman provide maps.

Another thing to consider is the size of the rest rooms, and maybe Blue Gardens can offer valet services for parking. And yes, they should finish that see-through dome/tent over their garden area because it's rainy season already. Thank God in my case, it didn't rain. We really prayed for good weather that day because unfortunately, I was told before by the owners that the cover will be done by April. But April and no cover was to be seen. I really got worried there. But God is Faithful and like he promised, he gave me perfect sunny weather on my wedding day! :-)

Check out their latest rates, venue photos, and other services on these sites:

http://www.thebluegardens.blogspot.com/
http://bluegardens.multiply.com/