Christmas Came Early

Last night I was too happy that I broke in tears (secretly). My sister Marla and I have reconciled after how many months of no communication, even to the point of removing each other as contacts in Multiply and Friendster. And what could be the ONLY time ever for this year – my family: my father, two sisters, Kean and I were together AT LAST after a long time for a special but humble dinner.

Ever since Mama left us 20 years ago, it has always been the four of us – Papa, Marla, Cindy and I – through thick and thin. Times became tough for the sudden single dad, but Papa managed to make us finish our elementary and High School years in Davao City’s best schools, though I remember that Papa always had to make us deliver promissory notes to the school cashier. We were always late in paying our tuition fees. Looking back now, I am amazed at how God was continuously working in our lives – providing for all our needs – even though we didn’t still recognize that time that it was God pulling us through all those cash-strapped times.

We were still kids. We had simple joys then. For us that time, it was enough that Papa was there and he didn’t leave us just like Mama did. I would remember our Christmases to be so simple. But somewhere down the road, our little family also fell apart. When my father sold our house and we were suddenly displaced and moved from one lola to another like a ping-pong ball, that’s when our simple sweet life turned sour, and left a bitter taste in our mouths.

Soon after, we found ourselves totally separated from each other. Papa could not keep up with raising us anymore. Mama on the other hand had just gotten herself finally on a stable financial condition in the US so she “came back” in our lives by being the “financer.” But since she has become our sole supporter, she insisted that we should stay at my maternal grandparents’ house away from Papa.

We were sad to be separated from Papa but at the same time we also resented the fact that he sold our house and threw out all the stuff that reminded him of mama, including our toys and collections, (CLICK RELATED BLOG HERE) just so we could start on a brand new slate. We were upset that Mama had the nerve to just pluck us out of Papa’s life because he finally couldn’t support us while she has become the one with all the money. And yet we were also quite happy that she was finally “back” albeit in a non-maternal way. Just having her back and being able to see her and hear her voice again after how many years was already a joyous moment for us children who have been missing their mother dearly.

It was just a very confusing and sorrowful time. Our parents were on a vigorous tug of war. I think I was just lucky to have a ticket way out. It was time for me to go to college that time so I decided that I must pass the UPCAT, become a scholar and finally be away from Davao and all these drama. Have you ever been in that experience when something was too painful that your mind and heart numbs in hurt and you suddenly find yourself in autopilot mode and that painful moment gets lost or misplaced within the rubble of so many myriad memories inside you?

My sisters and I went through that. We’ve been through a lot. We share a lot of memories together – happy and sad. And of course, we’ve all grown up to be adults and unfortunately, the years of separation; displacement and all the confusion have created a big gap between us. We’ve grown apart. We have a HUGE love-hate relationship. Well, I know all siblings have that. Ours is just more volatile than others, I believe. We only have our childhood memories to bond us together. It’s just a paradox that the same memories that make us laugh are also the ones that open up wounds.

Over the years, it has become hard for us to be together for a long period of time because the more we chat and find our selves taking that trip down memory lane we would always stumble into tripwires of really heart-wrenching recollections. Our memories are such big traitors. The heartbreaking ones always had a way of sneaking up in between the happy ones.

But last night, I prayed to God that just for one evening, can He please make the sad memories take a vacation for a while. And as usual, God approved my request. Why wouldn’t He? He is after all the God of Love.

Kean’s entry into our lives became the new adhesive that glued our separate lives back together. Ever since he was born, he has always been the reason for us to put aside all our resentments, hurts and selfish pursuits. We promised that we would try our best (whatever that means) to make him feel that he is still part of a family, and that he’s even got three mommies loving him very much.

Christmas came early to us last night. I know it was God’s surprise gift. Marla dropped by unannounced here in Manila. She just had last night to spare because she’ll be busy competing in another new extreme sport she’s currently in love with. And since Papa, Cindy and Kean will already be flying to Davao early in December, and Joseph and I won’t be able to visit them there for the Holidays, last night indeed became our Christmas celebration.

Last night after having dinner @ Italiannis, we strolled around Araneta Center
and posed in front of the giant Christmas Tree.

Christmas 2006 in Davao City

Christmas 2001. The last one when it was just the 4 of us. The next year Cindy gave birth to Kean.
(Don't ask me why I had red hair back then, hahaha)

Circa 1993. (Bad mood day for me)