Labeling Love

Before I became a Born-Again Christian, my dating history was relentless. I was literally out there in hot pursuit of “THE ONE” or “Mr. Right.” Unfortunately, all of them just turned out to be “Mr. Right Now” ‘til I met my husband of course. That’s another story altogether.

It was a crazy time. Yes, we were “dating” BUT labeling my “quasi-relationships” with these guys was always a big challenge, sometimes a curse. I wasn’t the only one in this predicament. This was the “norm” in my former non-C world. The case was usually like this: the “friendship” has certainly gone past being platonic; you’ve grown intimate yet there’s no commitment. So how would you call each other? Calling him your “boyfriend” would be assuming. But then, he’s obviously NOT JUST your buddy. Hmmm…

I was so aggravated with this “phenomenon” that I actually produced and wrote a 30-minute pop documentary entitled “Tayo Na Ba? Love and Sex Decoded” which was aired on MTV Philippines years ago. I gathered young adults – celebrities and regular people – and made a survey about their opinions and the realities that they’re encountering in relationships, dating and sex.

My research yielded that more and more of these non-Christian young adults are engaged in “non-committed” relationships. Hence, there’s always the trouble of defining it. In Pinoy pop culture, we only use boyfriend-girlfriend when the tandem has already gained the official stamp of validity. Any other “unofficial” hook-up would be safely called “MU” which could mean several things like Mutual Understanding, Murag Uyab (like sweethearts in Visayan language), Mag-Un (that’s funny) and my favorite term Malabong Usapan (meaning vague).

Actually, what moved me to write this entry was this article that I came across on the USA Today website entitled: Adults Stumble over what to call their Romantic Partners. The article stated that American adults, obviously known to mankind for cultivating sexual relationships outside marriage, are experiencing some quandary when it comes to describing their objects of affection.

Compared to us Filipinos, they have to struggle with more choices for titles such as: Significant Other, Partner, Lover, Boyfriend-Girlfriend, Live-In, Companion, Person I’m Dating/Seeing and many more. I know some cosmopolitan Manilenyos have also started using some of the above terms but that’s just a small fraction of the populace. The general consensus among us Pinoys is still bilateral: the couples announcing “Kami Na!” and the ones who are still in limbo and asking “Tayo Na Ba?”

My husband grew up Christian, while I didn’t so I always had to ask him about what was the dating scene like in church? Or among the Christians for that matter? Of course, he would be quick to answer that everything is Rated GP. Christians know that True Love Waits!

Sometimes I’d always wonder how it would have been if I grew up in church like him. I regret my dating history and God knows how much I have repented for it. By God’s GRACE I have been redeemed and restored.

Nowadays, I always worry about some of my friends who are still in limbo about their love lives. When I log into Friendster, I see more and more people with the “It’s Complicated!” status. I know exactly where they are right now in their dating dilemmas. And as someone who has BEEN THERE and DONE THAT, all I could say is – it’s either a YES or NO! Make him commit. If he can’t then cut it. And most importantly MAKE IT RIGHT!

We don’t actually need to be Born Again Christians to know that sex outside marriage is sin. We’ve all been sinners. We are all still sinners. But if we can straighten out our ways and try to do things right and LIVE RIGHT starting now then we would be able to spare ourselves from the agony. It’s never too late to make that change. It’s never too late to have a spiritual make-over. And I tell you, there’s really only one way to fix this love labeling limbo – have an intimate relationship with Christ first. When you’re in love with Jesus, it’s never complicated.