Without a Husband for a Week

My husband flew out this morning for a week-long work assignment in Visayas and Mindanao. Ever since we got married in April of this year, this is going to be the longest time that we will be apart. I miss him already. Hahaha. Am I too mushy? Well, we are newlyweds so let me bask in this melodrama for a while, okay?

I kinda want to break out into the song “I just don’t know what to do with myself.” Being a freelancer who works from home, I’m practically a housewife. Since November has been easy on the deadlines compared to my overloaded October, and Kean’s mommy has been here on vacation from NY for some time now to attend to him, my husband has been the center of my energies lately.

Without my husband for a week means no one to share brewed kapeng barako with in the morning; no one to wait for at 6PM and make dinner for; no one to watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert with; no dirty office uniforms to send to the laundromat; no one to remind to always put down the toilet seat cover after use; no one to remind to properly towel-dry himself off after shower; no one telling me to sleep already ‘cos it’s almost midnight; no one to have pillow-talk with and no one to hug me at night.

Long time ago before I got married, I told myself that if I ever I was going to get married I’d want us to be like Paul McCartney and his first wife Linda Eastman, who he lovingly refers to as the Love of his Life. In their entire marriage up until Linda died of cancer, they were never separated EVEN FOR JUST ONE NIGHT. This couple was practically joined at the hip. I told myself, “Wow, that’s what you call BEING ONE!”

Now even though Joseph and I can’t be 100% like Paul and Linda anymore, we would still want to be together at all times possible. Some people might say that’s probably too much. They might say that a couple needs a breather once in a while. I don’t really get that. People might say, “Oh Jill, wait ‘till you reach 10… 15… 20 years… let’s see if you still want to be with your husband 24/7” I’ve been hearing that a lot of times, but mostly from non-Christian couples. So far I didn’t get that kind of message in the talks that I’ve heard so far from well-known marriage and family counselor Pastor Clem Guillermo.

Personally, I think that Joseph being at work for 9 hours for all 5 days of the week with an additional half-day work during Saturdays is ENOUGH breather already for us. With all honesty and call me a naïve newlywed if you want, I don’t really understand why some husbands and wives would still want a longer time away from each other apart from the daily separate routines they already have. I thought the whole point of getting married was being with each other as often as possible and not the complete opposite. I know times are tough. Most families nowadays need double income earners. And sadly, some spouses are forced to go abroad for work. It's a whole new blog altogether but what I'm just saying is, I really believe that this can be prevented. If couples are strong enough in their Faith in God and they believe in their soul that their obligations go beyond the financial support, I know long-distance marriages need not happen.

I am in love with my husband. The degrees may vary from day to day but the bottom line is I am in love with him and WOULD WANT TO STAY IN LOVE WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Is there anything wrong with that? I don’t believe it’s naïve. I really don’t believe it’s impossible. Marriage doesn’t work like magic. It takes work. And like in any kind of work, the worker should put himself his mind and heart over it.

I believe that couples may pursue individual hobbies and professions because that keeps us well-rounded persons but if that individual hobby or job would already take so much of your “together time” then that’s a problem. My husband is a licensed Veterinarian but currently he works in sales. It’s a very demanding field. He’s even a board member at our church and he’s also a musician for the Sunday services. On top of that, he also shepherds his own circle of care. I am a freelance media practitioner, a writer specifically, and sometimes I could be loaded with work for a period of time and other times I could be super free. I have my own ministries as well. But despite that we told each other that our priority should be “us”. Pastor Clem even said that our individual church ministries would be no good if we can’t make our spouses (and children) our MAJOR MINISTRY.

Pastor Clem even said that having a third party in the marriage doesn’t always connote another person in the relationship. A third party doesn’t even have to mean sexual betrayal. Our overtime at work, individual hobbies, church ministries and even children can be the Third Party. There was a time before that I resented Joseph for being too active in the music ministry. Our Saturday afternoon dates would have to be put off for his rehearsals. I talked to him about it so now he only commits himself to the band twice a month max.

When it comes to our church ministries, I’d rather that we share it because that would also help us spiritually. I’m not a musician so automatically I could not be with him in the music department. So I make it a point that in the Young Adults Ministry, my husband and I are a team.

I’m even conscious about my blogging hobby. There was a time in my earlier blogging days this year when I was still typing away even though he was already home and waiting for me to join him at our TV couch for our nightly viewing. Although my husband didn’t really complain about it, I had to correct myself. I’m not married to my computer. I’m married to my husband. So I leave my desk whenever my husband gets home. I’ve had the whole day all to myself. The evening is totally for us.

So for this week, while my husband’s away I’ll try not to go berserk. For the first time I appreciate my deadlines. Good thing I have a couple left though they’re not that urgent. That should keep me busy for the coming days.