Pre-Birthday Blues?

I am officially not earning now. A zero-income housewife, if you may. I already received my last paycheck from my previous TV show and that money has already been liquidated for bills. It’s still a bit of a lean season for Events so I’m not getting much of an action there also. Although my husband’s income can cover all of our basic needs well enough, I just feel a little bit guilty sometimes that I’m just here at home typing away rambling thoughts for nothing. My husband assures me that my housework means so much more than a financial augmentation. And he also supports my new blogging hobby. Honestly, I really do enjoy being at home, and working from home, and being able to write at no expense.

I write for a living but that kind of writing is sooo different from this. When you’re writing for a client, you can never own any right to your work and you can always expect it to be butchered according to their needs, wants, and tastes, and sometimes whims. Anyway, bottom line it’s work. They’re paying me good money for some catchy copy so I better squeeze a lot of those creative juices or else I’m dead meat. It’s relatively fun but generally stressful. Sometimes when I write for them, I ask myself “Am I contributing to the betterment of this world through this script?”(Let’s just not try to answer that)

Lately, more questions like that have been prompting in my head which obviously leads to a machine-gun of blog posts. I’ve never been this prolific in my entire journal writing experience. That could only mean 2 things. Either I have just become more reflective or I just have plainly nothing to do. Well, you know what they say Boredom is the Mother of all Inventions. I got into baking because I got bored some time ago. I tried baking when projects were in a slow stream. I never imagined that I would fall in love with it, and that I would actually be fairly good at it. Who knew? I had oven-phobia for the longest time.

Who knew? So now that I am at the crossroads – turning 30 in a week, a newlywed, in between jobs, and praying to be pregnant – Who knows what’s next?

“There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven.” – ECCLESIASTES 3:1

Right now, I practically feel my whole world turning. Almost literally actually. I could feel God’s every move and it’s quite overwhelming. There are some changes that are quite challenging to accept. There are nudges that I’m tempted to ignore. There are calls that I pretend not to hear. In the end, knowing that I do not have control of things, just as seasons come and go whether we like it or not, I just have to LET GO and LET GOD!