Blogging... the Bliss and the Blahs

Last week I wrote about how blogging is making me fat. I “tried” to get into a home exercise routine and bent myself on more household chores than the usual just to keep my adrenaline pumping, but the lure of the laptop and the thoughts clamoring to be written down were a force to reckon with. I succumbed to my addiction… er passion… uhm hobby. I’m trying to make this sound less alarming than it already is.

So I figured that I can’t help it. I really love to be in front of the computer and type away these rants and raves in my head. But since it’s making me fat, I can’t justify it any other way than to earn from it. So lately I have been desperately trying to learn the ropes of Paid Blogging and man it ain’t easy. First of all, if you are a techie klutz (like me) this whole HTML can be very overwhelming. In fact, now it’s about XMLs and we’re not talking about shirt sizes here. If you want to be a Problogger, you have to have at least some of these words (heck they’re not even words, just abbreviations) in your vocabulary: RSS, SEO, PPP, SMO… and then you have to learn about page ranks, technorati, widgets, and so on and so forth. The BLARGON keeps on growing. You have to be smacked right in the middle of the blogosphere action to catch up.

Aside from my intention to optimize the generous time I spend online, I figured that blogging might actually help us make ends meet in the coming months. With the lean season for events production approaching this June to August, I’m about to push the panic button again. I have to find other income generating projects especially since we are planning to purchase a car (Why? That’s another blog soon). Whenever I read about my friend Frances blogging about buying a new pair of shoes or silverware or fancy furniture out of her blog earnings alone, I can’t help but feel green with envy. Now that’s the kind of financial freedom I’d like to have. There’s nothing more satisfying than to be paid for doing what you love.

I got into blogging basically for fun. I’m a writer by heart but I just don’t want to write scripts for boring corporate shows for equally boring clients, who nitpick at everything for nitpicking’s sake. I wanted some creative freedom. I wanted to write using my real voice. And since I didn’t get around to building my career in a magazine, the blogosphere was indeed a blessing. It provided a space for my long-time frustration – to be a columnist like Carrie Bradshaw. I did, by the way, have a very provocative Cosmo-Girl kind of blog five years ago (back when blogging was still primitive) which I had to delete because my conservative family in Davao threw a ginormous hissy fit over it. My mom, who ironically is a New Yorker, unfortunately didn’t see the witty wisdom that her Carrie-wannabe daughter wanted to share to the world. She almost disowned me. So I had to shut it down. I met my future husband (again), became a Christian and had closure with my Carrie alter-ego.

I got into blogging again last year after I lost my television job. Writing down my reflections on life, love and my lost career proved to be therapeutic. God was sweet enough to send me affirmations through nice comments sent by friends, anonymous fans and even famous people. Months passed and I noticed that I was already growing a humble-sized fan base. It turns out that some people found most of my stories heartwarming and on other times funny. So from blogging for myself I turned into having the sudden responsibility of writing for my loyal audience.

Now, I’m in love with blogging but I would like blogging to love me back too. I’ve been signing up on several Paid Blogging sites but I’m still far from having financial success. I browsed through several paid blogs and forgive me for saying this but most of them aren’t even written well. Pardon me but a lot of them are trash and it’s puzzling why and how in the world wide web did they ever get those high traffic volume. People actually like reading that stuff? The internet has surely lowered the bar for creative writing. A big exemption to that of course is my friend Frances’s blog. She’s always been a fantastic writer and the fact that she works as a magazine editor exposes her to a lot of commercial content that she can write about.

I’ve already sought some mentorship from probloggers I’ve met online and Jeff has been very genial and generous in giving me tips on paid blogging. He’s actually suggesting that I just start a new commercial blog altogether and this time write for a niche market. I have to buy my own domain because he said that most advertisers prefer self-hosted blogs. Then I have to tweak the codes in my layout, learn the language as I go along, market my blog in all sorts of social networks, and sign up to his recommended paid blogging sites. It sounds easier than done.

I mused about his advice practically the whole day, asking myself, what can I write about? What’s my niche market? What’s my expertise? And then I realized that I’m actually just a jack or should I say jill-of-all-trades-master-of-none. I think I just hit the dead end.

I still want to get my hands on paid blogging. I think I deserve to have a slice of that pie, do you agree? But for now I want to remain true to myself and to my readers so I want to keep this blog but also hope to earn from it at least. I think I’ve already done a lot of additions to it that needs to be cleaned up. I don’t know where to begin. So if there’s a Good Samaritan problogger out there who’s willing to teach me (and divulge all trade secrets) how to effectively monetize this site, please email me and make me a blogger-naire!

Blessings in Disguise (Bora Blog Part 4)

I’m back in Manila and I would like to share with you the amazing work that God did in my life/career when I was there on that island. As all of you have read in the blogs prior to this, that Bora trip was one dreadful trip to take. I had my heart set on having business and pleasure but then like all good plans, they were bound to be challenged and the only thing graceful to do is to accept that there’s going to be some good thing behind it… and true enough I found a silver lining to my cloud in Boracay.

First of all, let me tell you that this project (Roche National Conference) was the biggest bid I had ever made last year. We lost the 2008 Nat Con bid by a millimeter. I conceptualized an event (with team building activities) around the idea of Heroes while the other events company simply proposed the Bossa Nova concept. I could not understand how in the world we lost to that. That gave me the impression that this company wasn’t as creative and imaginative as some other companies I have proposed projects for. Anyway, my boss at ThemeWorks (Mike Miñana) was not one to give up so easily. So when it was time to bid for the Roche 2009 NatCon last August, I was given the task again to create a formidable concept presentation that would just blow them away.

I got the brief for the event and read that their slogan is “Moving On... Power to Conquer in 2009!” They wanted to do it in Cebu in January 2009. It took me a couple of days before giving birth to the concept that would fit perfectly with their slogan. Thank God for Discovery Channel. One afternoon while waiting for the perfect concept to pop in my head I was watching a documentary on Alexander the Great. And then it hit me… Inspired by the leadership of Alexander; him being a great conqueror and since they wanted the event to happen in Cebu – famous for the ancient battle of Lapu-Lapu and Magellan – I thought why not play around the theme of “The Greatest Battles in the Ancient World”… Alexander’s conquests… The Great Battle in Mactan… Leonidas and his 300…

The more I ran the idea in my head that day, the more it made sense… exciting… perfect. This theme would be perfect in designing our team building activities. It would be exciting in terms of décor, costumes, and over-all look of the event. The idea definitely made sense with their slogan “Moving On... Power to Conquer”

So I started to work on the presentation. It wasn’t your normal PowerPoint presentation, mind you. I made a movie. I even up the ante by using a voice talent as narrator, who sounded like Leonidas. Anyway, I was doing well in my preparation when the worst possible thing that could happen actually HAPPENED! My PC crashed! And my presentation was due the following day. I could not believe my eyes!

Of course I panicked. I called Joseph for an SOS. But my dear hubby was at work and could not get out of the office to save his damsel in distress. All my work was lost. Again, I realized that I was in the midst of another Faith stretching exercise. At first I resisted to be tested by God. I told Him, “Pwedeng huwag muna ngayon Lord, this will destroy my career!!!” But of course, who am I to even suggest when would be the best time for my trials. They aren’t called challenges for nothing.

So after wrestling with God on why He had to do this to me… after feeling so helpless and fearful of the fact that I might lose this account and worse lose my boss’s trust in delivering the job, I finally heeded His call to let Him do the work. I finally admitted that I was working solely on my abilities and not offering this work to God. I was humbled to surrender the fate of this project to Him after He spoke to me through these verses:

“And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord.” – DEUTORONOMY 8:2-3

The Lord once again rebuked my lack of Faith. It was direly impossible that I could come up with the same video presentation within less than 24 hours BUT God wanted me to believe that He could do it. Before I knew it, I found myself being led by the Lord to my good friend Paul’s house, just a street away from where I live. I was able to work on his PC, and basically started from scratch. It was a blessing that God made my mind a notch more creative and sharp that day. Paul also found another voice talent for me – a friend of his and also an old acquaintance of mine – who was free that night to record the narration for me.

And soon, things were opening up. I found an available studio to do the recording, and the presentation was beginning to take shape. Of course, I was under tremendous pressure because I was supposed to have sent the material to Sir Mike that day already. He needed to view and point out his revisions before we could present it the following day. Unfortunately, I had nothing to show my boss that day because I was still working on it. And I knew my boss very well that this situation would not sit well with him. So I just prayed to God and told Him to manage Sir Mike’s temper. And you know what it was so unlikely of him not to bother me that day. He didn’t call at all. I knew God had something to do with it.

Finally, it was the next day. Our appointment with Roche was after lunch. I was still finishing up my presentation in the morning still at Paul’s house. Of course, this whole starting from scratch thing was not as easy as you would expect. We encountered a lot of technical problems! Some I could not even comprehend. Basically, I knew the enemy was really doing its very best to mess me up to make me throw the towel. But I held on. I knew God was on my side. At that point, I had nothing to myself except my Faith. My career was on the line and it was the last thing I would want to happen because I had just gotten off my regular TV show so if I messed my credibility with this events company I am freelancing for, there goes my livelihood!

The presentation was done just in time. I had an hour to fly to my appointment. EDSA was its usual self. Time was running out. And miraculously, I made it just in time. While the presentation was playing, I was deep in my prayers. I also asked my prayer partners to intercede for me. At that time all I wanted was for my boss (Sir Mike) to like my work, since it was him paying me anyway. I knew that even if Roche didn’t award us the project again, Sir Mike wouldn’t blame it on me because as far as he’s concerned he liked the concept. I was in heaven when Sir Mike had nothing but praises for my work. So for me 90% of the battle has been won. Now it’s time to present to Roche. And guess what – THEY LOVED IT!

So that was how we got this project. But guess what again… I knew God was using this project because all throughout the 4 months that we spent preparing for it, they were never without glitches. Every time I had to do another presentation on it; any revisions; or any important work for that matter, it was always stricken with stress: there would be a bad storm cutting off the electricity… I would get sick… there would be problems with the PC (we bought a new one by the way after the crash)… etc…etc… then Roche even asked us to tweak the theme because they’re now doing it Boracay. So there goes more work again. Then the worst development was it even got to a point when the project almost folded up because Roche unfortunately suffered a massive lay-off in December which turned the whole company into a somber mood. Nobody wanted to do the festive theme we had planned for them anymore. Good thing they still pushed through with it. But this time, despite the hard work we already invested in mounting the grandiose theme, we were told to simplify everything and just make it a straightforward team building seminar.

At first, it was easy to say what a waste! But then again, God proved to me that it was His doing. When we got to Boracay and started working on the conference itself, I realized that God was good enough to change the theme because it would have been more tiring to mount our ambitious concept on that island. God in fact did us a favor. As usual, we were never without technical difficulties. The Closing Program AVPs I have prepared conked out the night before my trip. So armed with my new laptop, I produced a batch of new ones during my idle times at the airport and in between breaks during the 1st 2 days. God’s blessing in the situation – my brand new laptop. It was another perfect example that when God asks us to jump, He made sure we had our life vest on. This laptop saved my life.

So I could definitely say, I worked up some blood, sweat and tears in this project. From Day One up to the very end, it was really the most stressful project I have ever tackled in 2008. Good thing I always had Deutoronomy 8:2-3 to go back to every time I was in the eye of the hurricane. Indeed God allows us to suffer difficulties and hardships for a purpose. Testing reveals what is in our hearts and it definitely produces robust faith. God continuously allowed me to be challenged because He wanted me to not cease in my calls for Him.

But of course, God just doesn’t test us for the sake of testing. Like any good test… like any good challenge… like any good conquest… there’s VICTORY in the end. Each time I survived all those little and big problems that plagued this project, I praised God for his AMAZING POWER to make EVERYTHING POSSIBLE. But nothing was sweeter when God surprised me, us (the team) with the biggest compliment and recognition that I have ever experienced in my entire events production career.

On the night of the Closing Program, we were floored when the General Manager of Roche called us to stand up from where we were. He personally thanked the team for a fantastic job and the whole congregation even gave us a thundering standing ovation! Wow! That was the first time I have ever experienced something like that. Most companies have more complaints during events even if we have practically given the stars and the moon already. That was the first time that a client formally applauded their vendor in front of a crowd. This was certainly so unusual. I don’t think it has happened to any other events team before. Later that evening, I got to meet the GM and he personally commended me for the scripts and the concepts that we have made from Day One. The client was more than pleased. We have now been booked for more events. Hallelujah!

I knew right then and there that that was God’s way of rewarding me. It was a long journey… the 4 grueling months of pre-production were like how He had led the Israelites to wander through the wilderness for forty years to humble and test them. At the end of it all there was a Promised Land to be claimed, if we stick with God’s plan. Just trust Him in the journey. He will take us to our destination. And this recognition by the GM was truly my own version of the Promised Land.

Posing with the GM (center) after the Closing Program

Blogging from Bora (Part Two)

Jan 13: Day 4 PM
I got here last Saturday. It was my first time to land on Kalibo. Whenever I went to Bora before, I always went straight to Caticlan. The bad thing about landing on Kalibo is the 3-hour drive to the Caticlan jetty port. Since we already had a slight delay in Manila Terminal 3, we were only able to arrive at the port at around 4pm. By then, given that it is January, it has already gotten very windy. So the boat ride to the island was quite a rocky one.

I was really hoping that the organizers booked us at a fairly nice hotel. Unfortunately, we weren’t. It wasn’t on the beachfront and it was really shabby. But what can we do? See that’s what I mean. Working in Bora is totally opposite to what most people would presume. Like I said in my previous blog, I never fail to get the reaction “Wow, sarap naman!” every time I’d tell someone that I’m off to Bora for work. I beg to disagree…

What’s so “masarap” about being in a really nice island but you can’t even hit the beach because of the hectic work schedule? What’s so “masarap” about being booked in a threadbare inn with musty smelling linen? What’s so “masarap” about being in Bora, the island of canoodling couples, when you’re alone, stressed out and missing your husband who was supposed to be with you in the first place?

*Sigh* Anyway, my husband and I are okay already. It wasn’t entirely his fault that he isn’t here with me. It was also a mistake for me to expect too much from him. I knew from the beginning that it was a long shot for him to get a leave approved right after a long holiday season. We knew that God wanted to teach us a few more things about our marriage.

Indeed, being married doesn’t end at “You may kiss the Bride.” It’s only the beginning of the many things – big and small; happy and sad – that would come our way. One of the speakers at the event that I’m working on here talked about Overcoming Crisis. And he said that the first thing to do is to understand what the word really entails. He said that the word Crisis in Chinese can be written with the 2 characters Wei Ji... Wei is Chinese for Danger while Ji is Chinese for Opportunity. The speaker said that the problem with most people is that they only see the danger side of the crisis and forget that it actually comes with an opportunity.

Then it hit me about my fledgling marriage. This Bora Crisis, as I would call it, definitely put a threat to our relationship. Albeit not massive but you know in marriage, it’s the little things piled together that make a mountain of conflicts. On the flipside, it also provided the opportunity to miss each other and think about what why we love each other in the first place.

For the past days since I’ve been here, my husband admitted that it was so hard to move around the house without me. He didn’t know what to do with the laundry… and with all the little domestic details that needed attention in our humble abode. He also said that it was cold in Manila and it was even colder without me beside him in bed. He said, he missed me… he was lost without me.

These words even just made me want to come home sooner than I should. Sigh. Here I am, writing this in my minute spare time, with my feet buried in the cool damp sand. It was also chilly here in Bora especially at night. Imagine Tagaytay weather. Brrr! I’m not kidding. Of course since I didn’t expect this kind of weather, I only brought beach clothes… itty-bitty shorts, tanks, capris… nobody told me that I’m supposed to bring a parka! :p

Bora in January is different. I always come here during summer and this is my first January visit. It’s actually a good time to come. People are lesser. None of those promotional, commercialized, and over-the-top concert party tours by Coke, Nestea, SMB, etc… Although it’s Ati-Atihan Season, the number of people is still way lesser than the usual summer crowd. It is actually a good time for a real vacay. Argh, now this reminds me again why I wanted my husband to be here. Okay change topic.

Anyway, in a few minutes my phone’s going to ring again and I have to get back to the Boracay Regency Ballroom to prepare for the next activity. I’ll talk about my project next time.

Meanwhile, here are some snapshots taken during my very sparse spare time...

The Ati-Atihan festivities kick off! Everyday, there were mini-parades like these crossing the beach.

Taking a breather from work. Hanging out on the beach w/ colleague John (event emcee) My laptop, beside me -- all ready to work again.

Where's my Award?

As a kid, I was used to being an Honor Student. I didn’t exactly TOP my class but I was always part of the cream of the crop. I was in the Honors’ Class all through out Elementary and High School. I was bad in Math but I won Spelling Bees, Reading & Writing contests… I was Davao City’s Best Debater for two consecutive years in High School, beating all the other schools in the entire municipality. In my Junior Year, I was the youngest Editor in Chief ever to be appointed in my High School Newspaper. I led the Dramatics Guild; was an officer of the Student Council; and was also even part of the Corps and Staff of the C.A.T (Yes even with my height, I became an officer!)

In short, I have always been competitive, diligent and USED TO getting recognition for my hard work. My mom weaned me on the practice that I could get a new Barbie Doll or any new toy every time I’d come home with a medal or an Honor Card at the end of every school quarter.

However, I kind of slowed down in being competitive as soon as I stepped into college. I got tired being on the front line all the time. I was even reluctant to join an org. I just entered one for the sake of. But despite that, my value for studies didn’t die. I still did my best in turning out good grades. On some semesters, I would get a general weighted average of 1.5 and that would earn me a College Scholar Honor (something like a Dean’s List.) But despite that, I wasn’t very conscious about my grades in college. I wasn’t expecting anything. And yet, surprise – I graduated with a Cum Laude Honor.

I’m blogging about RECOGNITION today because like with everything else in my life, God dealt with me on this matter during the week. I have to confess that lately I have been feeling kind of frustrated with my ministry at Church. There were a lot of times when I felt that I didn’t get some support or appreciation from my fellow ministry workers when it came to my pet project. That led me to doubt whether my ideas and leadership personality even fit with this group.

It was tough dealing with these emotions because I had to rebuke myself and check my motives for being part of the ministry in the first place. Of course as Christians, we are taught that all the services that we do for the Lord should not be to inflate our own egos… it should be for His Glory. Nothing more. Nothing less.

With all honesty, I really wanted to use my talents in church because I want to give it back to its source – God. I felt that I have been using my creativity for pointless endeavors in the past years before I became a Christian. This is why most of the time I would be over-zealous in stepping forward to offer my expertise here and there. I wanted to please God. However, I guess the human in me (that kid who grew up being used to getting praises and rewards for a job well done) would also step forward once in a while to seek some limelight.

We ask... is it wrong to seek approval? I haven’t heard of any child who didn’t long for affirmation from his parents. I guess like me, a lot of people out there also grew up living up to other people’s expectations and measurements for success – the school curriculum standards, opinions of friends, requirements and responsibilities at work, society’s lifestyle norms, etc. And sadly a lot of times, our self-esteem is built upon these values.

In my experience, there were times when it was SO EASY to obtain a round of applause… and there were also times when getting a much-needed simple pat on the back was almost impossible…

It was such a coincidence that this week while I was battling with seeking commendation from my church ministry, I read on the internet that my former TV show won the Best Talent Search Program at the recently concluded 22nd Star Awards for TV. The entry was Season 7 and I was still the Head Writer of that show during that period.

When I read the dated news, I was thrilled and at the same time disappointed that no one from my former show even bothered to text me about the achievement that I believe I am very much a part of. It just struck a sensitive chord in me because I loved that show. It was my bread and butter for 3 years. It was so frustrating that despite my creative efforts all I got was flack and even got a pink slip at the end of Season 7. And now learning that the show finally clinched a trophy, and it was even Season 7, I just felt vindicated. I don’t want to toot my own horn but I really believe that I did my best for that show even if they thought otherwise. Even though they don’t plan on throwing a little piece of the recognition at me, I still feel happy knowing that I contributed to the show’s success in my own way.

With this experience and with my church ministry issues, God told me in 2 CORINTHIANS 10:18 – “For not he who commends himself is approved, but whom the Lord commends.”

I remembered how I was not conscious about gaining awards in college and yet at the end of it all I graduated with honors. I realized that I should go back to being that way. Back then, I just wanted to do the RIGHT THING and that was to study (not too hard) but well enough to pass… I didn’t aim for medals but I got one without even trying too hard…

I realized, that the awards that we receive here on earth are all citations measured by people, who just like the rest of us are also flawed and riddled with personal biases and agenda. Every year, the same award goes out to a different winner. Olympians have to fight for the same title every four years. The recognitions we get in this material world are very temporary and forgettable. Once the speech has been given, the applause has died down and the spotlight is already on a different winner, the award we’ve just received has just been reduced to a trophy that will really do nothing but collect dust on the shelf.

I feel better now knowing that I do not have to get a thumbs up from my employers. I feel better corrected that I do not have to wait for my fellow ministry workers to praise my contributions. The commendation that matters most is the one that comes from God. Whether in church or at our secular professions, we should aim to do our very best not to wait for claps, salary raises or trophies. As Christians, we do our best because our good work reflects God’s faithfulness in us. We aim for the Gold not for ourselves but for His Kingdom’s Glory.

“Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a good soldier gets involved in civilian affairs – he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor’s crown unless he competes according to the rules.” – 2 TIMOTHY 2:3-5

Sorry for the Late Reply

How many times have you sent that message via SMS or E-Mail? I’m pretty sure that most of us have experienced responding late to a message either by a friend or a business contact. It could be because our hands were just really full that time or we were just really in a non-responsive state – you know those moments when you just feel lazy to text back? And sometimes, we respond late because we are not yet sure about what to reply. That’s the good thing about SMS and E-Mail – it’s not as direct as a phone call wherein you are most of the time put on the spot to answer questions you would have wanted to deal with much later.

Whether it was about being busy, lazy or uncertain – I think we’ve all been guilty of delaying our replies. But there’s someone I know who has never been late in answering back – Our Almighty God! This morning, our dear Father in Heaven showed me how foolproof his promptness is.

Last night, I was feeling a bit distressed. First, my husband wasn’t around for me to share my thoughts and emotions with, and second I was feeling a bit useless. To be honest, I’ve been feeling spiritually dry for the past weeks. I can’t really put a finger on it but I kind of felt discouraged. I dropped out of my Hermeneutics class because I could not keep up with the early morning schedule; my church small group has not been meeting regularly; I felt that my leadership traits and working style do not match with the people at the Young Adults Ministry; and most of all I felt so silly blogging everyday.

By now, people might be thinking that Jill obviously has tons and tons of FREE TIME on her! Truth be told, I have quite a number of script and concept presentation deadlines to beat. In fact, I almost never leave my chair the whole day (hence I play badminton now). Blogging serves as my BREAK.

I love to write. But with all honestly, I’m a bit insecure about my writing. I am friends with a handful of Palanca Awardees, English Lit professors, Magazine editors and writers, and I don’t think my writing could measure up to the sharpness of their semantics and grammar. They write full-length feature articles for a living. My professional craft on the other hand is short creative copy, hosts spiels and press releases. I haven’t written any feature article professionally yet. To be honest, I don’t even know if my writing skills qualify. But I’m also not really sure if do want to write for magazines and have editors breathe down my neck.

I love to blog because it makes me feel free – which results in me being more creative. Like I said it’s my BREAK from work. It’s writing as ME! There are no bosses to tell me to take out that line, change that joke, re-word this, add this thought, make this Tagalog, make this sound masa, make this sound more hip, shorten this, lengthen this… etc… etc… the builds just never end. And finally when all the editing’s done, I don’t recognize my work anymore and I would wonder why they even hired me to write the project in the first place. Hahaha.

That’s why I have learned in my 8 years in the business to be unattached to my product.
Work is just really Work. It’s not ALL fun. Blogging on the other hand excites me. It has become the substitute for my magazine career frustration, but it’s much better because with my blog I don’t get to be told what to write and how to write it. Blogging in itself is a free form of writing. No rules! Yehey! But of course I can’t really say that I am my own editor because I know that God edits and directs my soul.

However, like I said earlier lately I’ve been feeling silly blogging EVERYDAY! Last night I poured out all these frustrations to God. I asked Him if I’m just really wasting time and amusing no one but MYSELF in this endeavor. Has blogging become like my self-serving habit – a way for me to defy being governed?

God of course was QUICK to reply with a heartwarming encouragement. This morning when I opened my mail, I got two surprising messages from no less than Neta Jackson, the popular American writer I talked about in my Christian Chick Lit blog entry and the other one was none other than THE Harold J. Sala, renowned author of countless devotionals and books, Bible teacher and speaker, and who happens to be my FAVORITE Christian writer. His books ministered to me immensely when I was just starting out in my new Christian life. His book “Touching God: Guidelines for Personal Prayer” is my all-time favorite.



I was overwhelmed with the fact that my blog actually reached these noted people from the other side of the world. Ms. Jackson is a bestselling novelist based in Chicago, while Dr. Sala resides in California. Their messages were filled with encouragement for this "ministry". Just when I was about to feel that I’m just adding more clutter in cyberspace with my reflections, two of my most admired writers gave me my much-needed pat on the back. I felt like a fan who just received a simple handshake from her idol. I was ecstatic!

Once again, God has proven to me that he is NEVER late in his replies when we pray to Him. He ALWAYS answers right away. I remembered one scene from Bruce Almighty when Bruce now turned into God was actually answering e-mailed prayers and he could not cope with the gargantuan task. Of course, the REAL GOD can. If we could really e-mail or text him our prayer concerns, I’m pretty sure God is running on an UNLIMITED text load and his internet connection is the most powerful broadband.

God will certainly always REPLY RIGHT AWAY. It’s just that sometimes we ignore his messages in the Inbox of our hearts. When we see that His message begins with something like “I’m sorry child but…” I think we stop right then and there and pretend that we haven’t read his message at all. And then we forget all about it and begin to complain that we haven’t gotten any reply. He did. We just didn’t read it.

I have learned that not only God ALWAYS ANSWERS our prayers; He is also NEVER EVER LATE in His replies. He will never ever say “Sorry for the Late Reply…” His response may not always be a YES but he will be quick enough to tell your heart right away the following messages…

• “No I love you too much!”
• “Yes but you’ll have to wait!”
• “Yes, but not what you expected!”
• “Yes and here’s more!”
• “Yes, I thought you’d never ask.”

He answers promptly but are we listening? That’s the problem. I’ve been guilty of this too. Asking him something and waiting for His answer that I prefer to hear. He has replied to my call but I’ve been ignoring it.

I was blessed today for getting a QUICK REPLY from God. And what a reply! It was definitely a YES! And as if He was not done pleasing me today, when I was at St. Luke’s Hospital this morning to get some hormone tests done, He gave me another speedy reply to my SOS.

I was already waiting in line at the cashier when I remembered that the cost of the lab tests based on the last one that I had would be about 7 Thousand Pesos. I only had 5 in my wallet. Of course, I could always go to the ATM and make a quick cash withdrawal but just when I was about to get out of the line, my turn came up and I just decided to go on. I said bahala ka na Lord. I could always excuse myself from the cashier and tell her that I didn’t expect that cost so I would have to get some money first. True enough, when I took a peek at her computer screen, the tests cost a little over 7 Thousand Pesos. Just when I was about to tell the lady that I don’t have enough cash on me, she suddenly said, “P5,000.00 ma’am” Huh? Apparently, I got a discount and I don’t know why. I was too dumbfounded to ask and just elated with God’s instant miracle. Haaay! Grabe!

Yes is not the ONLY VALID REPLY. No, Maybe, Wait… they’re also responses and God is always quick to give them. I’ve had my share of Nos, Maybes and Waits. But today, let me bask in the BIG YES that God has given me.

“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples” – JOHN 15:7-8

Reality TV Drama in Real Life

It’s not exactly big Hollywood news but I just sort of feel some empathy for the guy. The headline says Terence Howard is out of Iron Man 2, and of course we could expect that he’s as baffled as he is upset. He just lost a job, duh! So what exactly happened? What voted him out of the island and what made the others stay? That’s just one of the many mysteries of being in show business. There’s actually some Reality TV drama happening in this “real world”. It’s pretty much like Fashion as Heidi Klum puts it – “…one day you’re in and the next day you’re out!”

I received my “Auf Wiedersehen” from my former dance variety TV show sometime in June this year and it felt like every inch of being eliminated in an actual competition. Ouch! Don’t ask me why. I have my own conclusions. They have their official reasons. Bottom line: No bridges were burned. That’s more important. In situations like this, though you smile while saying your obligatory (and heartfelt) gratis, of course you can’t help but feel sad. If there’s one thing that makes me thankful about it is the fact that at least I was already aware of this possibility. It was no shocker. It’s just showbiz. Suck it up!

As a freelancer, I know I don’t exactly have legal claims on my labor rights. So getting this kind of pink slip is definitely way different from let’s say a regular bank employee who gets fired after a considerable number of years in the company. However, security wise, I still suggest that it is indeed more practical to be regularly employed. Freelancing is only for the Fearless! (And for those who really can’t keep regular hours and can’t swallow office bureaucratic and corporate B.S.)

Just this week, a couple of my friends were downhearted to learn that their shows at QTV will be cancelled before the year ends. It was like getting their version of “The Nightmare before Christmas.” Even my own music magazine show at TV5 already wrapped up its first and probably LAST season. Too bad. Anyway, I wasn’t really expecting anything more from that show. It was already a blessing to have written 7 of its episodes. The salary I got from that show has been saved up for Christmas. That’s all that matters now. My financial state in 2009 will be revealed in… well… 2009! Let’s just wait and see! Sigh…

The Entertainment Industry is so volatile. I really wonder why I’m here when it’s ruthless and heartless. Toink! Well maybe because I didn’t want to end up in a bank, or a call center, or any office cubicle for that matter. The idea of spending 9 hours of my daily life inside a building just doesn’t sit well with me. I was a regular employee at MTV for several years and even though my job was dynamic and I wasn’t tied to my desk, I still got burned-out. I loved creating and working for the brand. Dealing with office politics (yes we had plenty of that even at MTV), conniving colleagues and egoistic bosses was what I loathed. Hmmm… sounds like that would make a good Reality TV show, don’t you agree?

So you wonder how do we freelancers survive month after month? How can we even plan for our future when we don’t even know where our next pay check will come from? Tough, huh? The performers and the directors of course have it way much better because even though they can have sporadic gigs, their fees never go down the 5 digit mark per episode or per appearance. It’s already a personal problem if they still find themselves in dire straits despite the money.

On the other hand, writers like me and other production staff who are also not regularly employed must sell their souls to the devil first if they want to rake in enough dough to sustain them during the zero project months. However, I refuse to sell my soul to the devil. Just because I need work doesn’t mean I am willing to be a slave.

Unfortunately in this business, talent won’t give you tenure in your job. More often than not it’s about who you know. So thank God I’m friends with a handful of influential people. Hahaha! Kidding aside it’s really a callous profession. It’s hard to make real friends. In my entire career, the genuine friendships I’ve made in this industry can only be counted with my fingers. For me that’s SAD and SAFE at the same time.

Getting a gig in the freelance world of entertainment definitely feels like being in a Reality TV Show. At the end of the day, it’s a popularity contest. Either buy those text votes or simply charm the judges. Tough world!

Why my Blogs are Looong!

First of all, I would have really preferred them more concise, but somehow I couldn’t make them short and sweet. I am writing about it now because after posting my recent blog (the one preceding this) I realized that it was just darn too long. Isa siyang nobela, hehe! Well actually, most of, okay I’ll admit, ALL of my entries are LOOONG. According to this site called PROBLOGGER, I’m already shamelessly disregarding Tips # 3 & 4 – Write less & 250 words are enough. Eeep! My last blog counted up to 2,500 words. Hahaha!

Well never mind PROBLOGGER. The truth is I’m not a professional blogger. I’m not selling anything online. I’m not reviewing the latest gizmo out there or the latest Hollywood flick. I’m not doing this to gain some income though I do hope that those AdSense boxes on my site would generate even a FEW dollars maybe after a year or so? But that’s not even important at all. I just wanted to make my blog look “web-savvy” hence you see those Google ad boxes there that I’m pretty sure nobody clicks on anyway.

While blogs originally started out as techies’ personal takes on topics like web management, new gadgets, software, and everything in that realm, it has definitely evolved and now every topic in the world seems to have a blog about it, and phenomenally people read the blogs more than the press releases. That’s because people want to know the real deal, and they need to hear it without biases from actual users.

But most blogs I have in my network are personal journals. That’s where I fall under. And while a lot of people would rather blog about silly and/or random things, I just prefer to write about recent events in my life IN A COMPREHENSIVE WAY, and in the light of Christ’s Word. And that’s how my blogs turn out to be lengthy. Sometimes, or make that most of the time, I just get caught up with the overflow of my heart and I just can’t stop writing at all. It’s like writing in a trance.

I don’t really mind if people don’t read my blogs because they’re way too long. I’m not really forcing my thoughts on anybody’s throats here. But I do pray that some readers will be moved whenever I'm sharing about my personal walk with God. Holy Spirit na bahala nun! =) Basically, I am just being me. Writing away whatever goes on in my head and in my heart. And based on my extremely looong blogs, you can now conclude that my line of thinking stretches out miles and miles away.

Hey, ironically this blog is short. However it still counted 400+ words. Oh whatever!

Only He Can Heal Me

I believe that with God all things are possible. Although sometimes I kind of “abuse” that faithful promise and attempt to drown myself in a whirlpool of responsibilities in my career, ministry, fellowship and family, “expecting” sort of that God will just make things a breeze. This week, I just felt that everything fell apart to the point that my body crashed. As I am writing now, I’m still battling with fever and migraine. But this is so much better compared to how I was yesterday. I was LITERALLY convulsing in high fever. My body was shaking extremely. My muscles ached like “hell” and my heart felt like it was about to pop. Joseph was at work so it was a good thing that my father and Kean were home.

I could not begin to imagine how it would have been if my papa wasn’t around. How in the world would a 6-year-old be able to attend to me? I was almost rushed to the hospital but thank God papa, acting on his father’s instinct, dealt with the emergency like he always did when we were still kids. He got some ice and towels for a cold sponge application on my hot forehead and neck, while he rubbed some Efficacent oil on my feet and legs because they were really cold. Kean was holding the ice pack on my head and guess what… the little boy was praying and telling me over and over again to “Hang on, Mom. God will heal you because he’s so powerful!”

At that point, hot tears just streamed down my cheeks. Just when I was about to get disappointed with God because he allowed this situation to happen amidst a gazillion deadlines and obligations, my little boy reminded me to be thankful instead of the love that surrounded me that time.

I had this whole week planned like a real expert. I was looking at a crazy week ahead but I told myself, hey I can do it. God will be with me because I am “prioritizing” him this week. Here’s how my week schedule was supposed to have looked like:

• Monday – Kean’s Food Festival in school. I had to be there to man the booth and do a storytelling session.
• Tuesday – Meeting with Sir Mike for the Mircera AVP & Roche Natcon details. Then in the afternoon with Direk Rich to discuss: MP3’s last 3 episodes to be taped on Thur, Oct 24; Eastern Communications event on Oct 27; and our concept for the MTV VJ Hunt 2009 which we are bidding for.
• Wednesday – Day One of my “Simply the Story” seminar at Greenhill Christian Fellowship Church. Then at the evening, the VO recording for the Mircera AVP will conveniently happen in the building beside GCF.
• Thursday – Day Two of STS seminar @ GCF. Then in the evening, finish the Eastern Communications script and email to Rich.
• Friday – Day Three of STS seminar @ GCF. I had plan on to ask Nick the editor to submit the Mircera AVP on my behalf since I’ll be busy in the seminar.

I already informed MP3 that I would not be able to attend the taping day even if it was a weekday (remember the No-Sunday-taping-deal I had with them?) because I had already signed up for this evangelism seminar at GCF. God first, right? I would just have to send my assistant writer again. It would have been much smoother if the details of the episodes were sent to me much earlier so that I could have written it the weekend before. Unfortunately, as usual, the info came late and I practically only had Tuesday night to finish all 3 scripts. I was not able to finish all 3 scripts that night so I planned to sneak it in between my breaks during the seminar on Wednesday.

That Wednesday, everything just started to crumble down. I went to the seminar, feeling like a zombie because I spent the whole night writing the MP3 scripts. Then when I went there, the seminar didn’t look and feel like how I expected it so in a way, the interest was starting to wane, even though I was rebuking myself to pay attention and just let the Holy Spirit work in me. Then to make matters more stressful, Kean’s school was calling up because they were supposed to have a school program at 9AM and Kean was not in school yet. I didn’t have a clue. I was so disappointed with myself because obviously I was too caught up in my work for the past days that I forgot to read my son’s homework notebook. So during the seminar, I could not concentrate anymore. I had to call my father to bring Kean to school earlier than his usual time and put him in costume. Then at the same time, text messages about work came one after another. Slowly, I was developing a migraine.

So during lunch time, I calculated the deadlines and meetings that I had to do until the evening. My migraine was getting worse. Much as I would have wanted to continue the seminar that Wednesday and please God, my body was just screaming for me to go home and take this migraine to bed. So I went home, strapped with some guilt on my shoulders. I took a nap then after I got up I immediately started to work on the remaining MP3 scripts. I really had to finish them that Wednesday because the taping would be on the next day. I still had to email them to my director and then wait for his builds ‘til I can finally send the final versions for printing. On top of all of these I had to step out of the house again because I have scheduled the VO recording in Ortigas at 5pm, then meeting with the editor at around 7pm in the same area.

A couple of days earlier while I was coordinating this VO recording session, I even praised God for putting things in perfect order. My friend’s recording studio was originally in Kalentong so I was worried that I would not be able to get my VO talent to drive there since his schedule was packed that day and he could only do the recording in the Ortigas area. I called up the recording studios in Ortigas and unfortunately, they were all fully booked. So I had no choice but to convince my VO talent to drive over to Kalentong. But guess what? My friend texted me that he had just moved into his 2nd recording studio in Ortigas. Wow, that really blew me away because that development just fit in perfectly in my original plans, which was to attend the seminar in GCF Ortigas until 4pm, then do VO recording in the next building at 5pm then meet the editor in the same area afterwards. I said, “Wow Lord, ang galing ninyo mag-coordinate!”

But that Wednesday, things didn’t happen as planned. On the contrary, my supposedly efficient itinerary didn’t come about. I was not able to save up on taxi fare as previously preferred because I didn’t finish the seminar. I went home then stepped out again. My traveling expenses even doubled. When 5pm came, I headed over to my (suki) friend’s little recording studio in his personal condo unit. He had just moved in so some of the technical connections have not been put together completely. The VO talent came on time. Then when we were just about to get started, my worst nightmare came true. As soon as my VO talent sat on chair in front of the microphone, my friend’s editing machines crashed. I was stunned. “Lord, this can’t be happening, right? My deadline’s tomorrow!” But it was. So for a while there, I kept a straight face, forced a smile here and there, while my friend was trying to fix the problem and calling out SOS to his technicians. When it was taking too long already, my VO talent asked permission if he could stroll around Robinsons Galleria first. So he went and I waited there in agony.

While I was sitting in that room, with my friend silently panicking in the background, I was also drowning in my own desperation. I started asking, “Lord, are you punishing me for not finishing the seminar?” Of course deep inside my heart, I know that’s not the kind of God that we have. But somehow, I just can’t help but get frustrated with what’s happening. My migraine was working full-time. I was sensing some fever creeping over my body. And worrying that I might not be able to submit all my projects on time just killed me slowly. Then I started to ask myself again… Why am I in this industry in the first place? I wanted to be good at my job and the same time to be obedient to my God.

“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” – MATTHEW 6:24
Writing for TV and Advertising is what I’m really good at, and I could not imagine making a career out of something else. And I know God wants me to excel in my chosen professional field because he is a God of order and my attitude and work ethics would also reflect what kind of a Christian I am. As Christians, shining for the Lord does not only mean doing things for church but also being good and trustworthy co-workers in the secular world. I was so sad because there I was trying to make both ends meet – obedience to God and efficiency at work – and yet I was failing.

Thursday came and I was not able to attend the seminar anymore because my migraine and fever were already taking a toll on me. I was supposed to have just rested on that day but my ministry responsibilities caught up and added stress to my already-stressful situation. I had not planned on doing anything yet for OMNI-C Part 2 (My open mic project for the Young Adults Ministry) that week but suddenly I was pressed to get on it ASAP because the one in charge for the church announcements had to leave for missions work in Cambodia and she needed to make Powerpoint presentations in advance. Whew, talk about pressure when I didn’t need one. But because I have committed to this project and in some way it was my brainchild, I ditched bed rest and worked on the poster announcement and some flyers and started calling some of the performers for confirmation.

That Thursday night was supposedly my good friend Anne’s baby shower party. I have been excited about it since the week earlier, especially right after I was able to buy her one of those chic nursing corsierres I found online. I had it perfectly scheduled in my calendar. I was already looking forward to a night of fellowship with my female friends in church only to be stumped by sickness.

So Friday came (yesterday). Since I was too sick to deliver the AVP on DVD to my client, I asked my editor to do it for me. Thank God he agreed. That meant limiting my outdoor activities would give me enough rest so that I could attend that big important meeting at 8PM with Direk Rich and the officers of Eastern Communications.

Alas, my body just went on crashing down slowly but “surely” that day. To make my day even more inopportune, my client for the Mircera AVP project called up to say that he didn’t like the VO used for the AVP and it must be changed. On a normal day, that would have just been a speck of dust that would have been easily brushed off my shoulder but it was far from a “normal” day for me. Just thinking about all the trouble we went through that night just to get that VO recording done then only to be told that it was not favorable at all was just over the top. After that call, sometime in the afternoon I had the worst case of chills that I have ever experienced. It was beyond what I have ever experienced with fever.

Looking back I asked myself, what is God telling me in this episode in my life? Soon I found the answers when I opened my devotional for today:

“Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls – Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.” – HABAKKUK 3:17-18

Just when I have already yielded to the idea that this past week had been a major disaster since not one thing went on according to my plan, I was reminded that God didn’t want me to make those plans in the first place; and that there’s still a lot to rejoice for and be thankful about. I was so caught up in my own frustrations that I missed the little miracles that God performed for me this past week while all these problems cropped up:

• God didn’t allow for writer’s block to happen to me this week, which made me able to write the scripts faster than my usual pace.
• Despite the stress that comes with it, I am thanking God for all of these well-paying projects that He has given me. Not everyone can have as much raket as I have been blessed with this week.
• Because money is good these days, I was able to buy my friend Anne that beautiful corsierre that I would not have been able to pay for if her baby shower happened some time in the financially-dry months of July and August.
• God is so good that he made my assistant writer for MP3 be available for taping on Thursday. Imagine the added stress if I was not able to send a writer that day.
• Praise God that my editor Nick was just in Robinson’s Galleria that night when the editing machines conked out at my friend’s studio. God told me that we could use Nick’s laptop, which he brought with him that day, and patch it to the mic and other sound switchboard hardware needed to record the VO in professional quality.
• God is so great that he opened my director Rich’s heart to allow me to skip the important meeting that Friday night. I had texted him that I was bedridden with fever but I was worried that he might not take it THAT easily since the production’s really pressed for time on this project.
• And finally, this story turned my heart around on how I feel about my father, and for that I am praising God in abundant joy! Remember the blog I wrote about our severed ties? Well, yesterday I became papa’s little girl again. I remembered how he took care of us when we got sick as kids. The smell of efficacent oil and the cold towels with rubbing alcohol brought me to that time when Papa was our hero. We had no mother growing up but papa though emotionally distant most of the time was always physically there when we were sick.
  

I had a lot to learn this week, especially with regards to managing my job, church, friends and family. For a moment there, when I was so busy with my work and then pressed with church ministry, I became Martha, resenting God that he didn’t even appreciate my “ka-ngaragan” just so I could please Him. But of course, we all know from that Bible story that Mary her sister, who had the nobler intention and just sat there beside Jesus was better than Martha, according to Him.

I was obviously not working with the Holy Spirit when I planned my “perfect” week. Even though I was claiming that I was prioritizing God, deep inside, my motivations and intentions had become off tangent. Yes, all things are possible with God… that is if we are really WITH GOD. Without noticing it, I have taken over directing my life again, like how I usually do, and ended up getting frustrated when things didn’t go according to my plan. I would have given myself a pat on the back if I was able to pull through this week without any blemish. The big word to consider was “IF”. As it came out, I didn’t and I realized once again that I AM SO WEAK. But praise God for His grace. Truly, I would still have been in bed right now, in tremors, if he had not showered me with His Grace which I totally don’t deserve after I briefly accused Him for not helping me out. It was a delusion of course because as I have reflected, God did several miracles for me this week. That only goes to show once again that his power can only be made perfect in my weakness.

Binding my Isaac

As I was writing this, my eyes were still a bit red from weeping. I just experienced what could probably be the toughest test so far in my young Christian life. I said NO to a good job offer because of God.

If you have been a regular reader of my blog, you would know by now that I haven’t had a regular project since July. My contract from my previous TV show expired and certain changes in the show format, TV network management and other things, unfortunately ceased extension of my stint. I was considerably sad about that sudden “mis”development in my TV career. On the other hand I knew that it was God’s way to put me back on track. He knew that I have not been shining well enough as a Christian in that lot so I know it was His will to uproot me from it and plant me where I am supposed to bear fruit. The next months following that abrupt period of joblessness put me in a lot of purging and prayer.

The past months have been filled with Faith-testing moments, and I would have to say that I was victorious in most, if not all of them. God has been sufficiently providing me and my family with our needs. With just one steady income earner in the household to pay for a handful of bills and daily expenses, every Due Date unfolds into a miracle. I may not have the convenience of a steady weekly paycheck like I used to enjoy at my former TV show, but God has been generous to me by shooting me well-paying one-time projects every now and then. I noticed that he always makes it a point to throw me one gig whenever another bill is fast reaching its due date. When I had that painful and ugly lump on my wrist, and I didn’t have extra money to pay for surgery, God miraculously removed it just like that! He even did it on my birthday. What a gift!

Even in just a short span of time, I have already listed a significant number of Spiritual Markers in my life. I started to let go and let God. Lately, I found my worries cut down to almost zero, and I caught myself asking “Is it really okay for me to relax, Lord?” Take it from a girl who worries just as easily as she can make whims. God has been so good that I can’t help but be head over feet for Him.

And alas, as we profess our commitment and devotion to Him, He wants to be 100% sure that were not bluffing Him. I have always known that one of these days He will be putting me on the spot. I just didn’t expect that it would be sooner than I thought. Yesterday, my former TV network who let me go called me up to write for an exciting TV show. It was hip, young, and it was going to be about music, entertainment, pop culture… things that have been so easy for me to write about. It was my cup of tea. I got excited because I thought this would be a great opportunity for me to contribute POSITIVELY to society by writing wholesome content for the youth. Of course, I felt flattered that they picked me. I felt happy that no bridges were burned. And the great thing was… it was a Regular TV Show so that would mean I’m back in business. I thought “Great! Thank you Lord. Thank you for this blessing! I always knew you would reward me” I was about to sign up until I found out what the taping schedule would be… Sundays 8am-8pm (Knowing how tapings go, that’s a conservative estimate). At that instant, I felt that a cross was suddenly slumped on my back. I had to say NO.

I cried not because I resented God for my decision. I cried not because I was upset that they had to tape during Sundays, of all days! I cried because I FELT HONORED that God has put me in this kind of test. It was both an EASY & DIFFICULT decision to make. Easy because I already know what my convictions are. Difficult because I really do know now what my convictions are and there are no compromises! I had that strange feeling that God knighted me that very moment. I cried because all of a sudden I realized that I was already dismissed from boot camp and dispatched into the battlefield. The warfare is both SURREAL and SO REAL. I have always asked God to hasten my spiritual growth but once I got here, it felt unexplainable and I was surprised that He really did want me to Level-Up FAST!

If I didn’t have my convictions now, saying YES to Sunday shoots would have been a No-Brainer. It’s not even just about God. Now that I’m married, I have learned to embrace that Sundays should really be devoted to our families. This is what I really frown about working in the Media. Sadly, this industry lacks the heart for it. Hindi uso ang pag-simba sa mga taga-showbiz, hehe. When I said no, I didn’t expect them to understand. How could anyone say No to a good-paying job? They probably thought how ridiculous of me to reject it. It’s true that I needed the money and God knows how much were in dire straits now but the thing is I have finally drawn the line. There is really no such thing as Convenient Christianity.

For a moment there I felt like Abraham. This was like my own “Binding of Isaac”. I have been praying to God for a new regular job to sustain my family and when He finally gave it to me, He asked me to give it up. And true to form, just as Abraham was about to kill his child as an offering, God stopped him and He provided an animal to take Isaac’s place. This was exactly what happened to me. After I finally turned down the offer, a few hours later, my former boss called up again to set a special arrangement with me. I was given the liberty to NOT ATTEND the tapings anymore. I just have to get an Assistant Writer to take my place during shoots. So in short, I can still take that job without having to compromise my Sundays. But there was one more challenge to conquer. I had to get a writer. Last night, I prayed to God and told Him, “Lord I have shown how loyal I am to you. I will only take this job if it’s your will. And if it’s your will, you’re going to provide the writer for me.” … This morning, after I sent out my announcement to some of my other writer friends, the responses were more than a handful. I knew God has given me the green light.

Today I’m praising the Lord for his unfailing faithfulness. I let go and I let God and when it’s God working in your life – you can only expect marvelous things to happen!

“He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to Him.”
-- JOHN 14:21

When It Rains It Pours

And I’m not just talking about typhoon Marce cavorting her way into the region during the past few days. As seasons have been promised to us by God not only on Earth but also to our lives, I think that my “dry” season is finally coming to an end (if I discern it right). The week following my birthday unexpectedly became VERY BUSY. I was suddenly flooded with a load of assignments: a script for a corporate anniversary event, concept presentations for a big pharmaceutical company, a giant mall, and a famous film festival happening some time in December, and my writing assignments for CB Seminary. Whew! On top of all of that I had to coordinate some stuff for Kean’s birthday party this week, aside from the usual domestic duties that I have to do. I would really want to say that I was able to accomplish ALL of them. Unfortunately I didn’t. I had to ask for a deadline extension for some. *Sigh*

Although I was half-expecting that the Ber months promise to bring income-generating projects I still couldn’t help but be taken aback by the sudden downpour of deadlines. Well, this is very common for freelancers like me. When the work season’s lean, it really goes as far as scraping the bottom of the barrel. And when it picks up, I personally would want to clone myself just to be in different places, doing different things, at the same time. The movie “Multiplicity” starring Michael Keaton comes to mind at this point.

These are the times when you wish that a single day would have more than 24 hours. I don’t know about other writers out there but I have a certain writing process. It’s quite unhealthy actually and some pros might find it inefficient. I’m not really the type who would dwell on an assignment for a long period of time. When I need to write something down, I complete it in my head first before I translate it into actual text. I have to brew it in my mind before I can pour those thoughts on paper and serve it to my client. I have never written something that I didn’t finish in one sitting. There were few exceptions of course but generally I go in a single blow. Some writers are well-organized enough to write their pieces in phases. I even know some who are really good in outlining their materials first. Usually, when I try to pace myself, I lose momentum and then I lose interest altogether, and then writer’s block hits me. Since I am “supposedly” a professional writer, this means I’m in big trouble, right? :-)

Looking back at how I was able to “manage” my projects before – churning out scripts, concepts, and copy like I was a Word Factory – I realized that everything was only put together by God’s grace. If I were to rely on my own human strength, hampered by my ego, laziness, and mood swings, I would not have been able to sustain this “career” (sort of) for the past 9 years.

Although I’ve experienced flooding before, this downpour proves to be more challenging because not only am I juggling work and family life, there’s the Church ministry too. As Christians, we bear the burden of the Gospel Mandate. Our responsibilities in this world go beyond bringing home the bacon to our families. In fact, we have even been called to deny ourselves and carry the cross. But our families, especially our spouses, are our ministry too. They should also be our priority. And even if work has become a pain, we must still do our jobs well not because we want to please our boss but to please God. Ephesians 6:5 says that we are to labor at our jobs, not in proportion to the way our employer treats us, but according to the way God treats us. So basically whether it’s our job, our family, or our ministry, we have to do our best in all of these areas because it is God that we are serving through them.

Unfortunately, some well-meaning ministry workers take the phrase “God First” TOO LITERALLY. Yes, we should put God first but being absorbed in the ministry at the expense of spending quality time with our families totally defeats the purpose. How about work? Many times, I have prioritized them over my ministry and I end up feeling guilty. It’s really quite tricky, don’t you think? So how do we prioritize?

Lord, I can only do one thing at the same time. How am I supposed to carry them all out victoriously? Which one do you want me to tackle first?

The first thing to do is… PRAY

Before anything else, we should pray. I’ve never prayed this fervently before. Prior to becoming a Christian, my idea of prayer was submitting to God a grocery list of my immediate wants and desperate calls for help. I learned that Prayer is a form of Preparation, and not a 911 call to God. I only used to pray when things were out of hand already. Prayer of course is designed to adjust us to God’s will, and not to adjust God to our will. So in times like these when you just feel that you’re being pulled apart to different directions, praying fixes our compass. I have learned that no matter how well we cover the bases… no matter how sharply we have outlined our schedules… we are still not in control. It’s so surprising to see how traffic, typhoon and a whole gamut of trivial thingamajigs can cause chaos in our calendars.

So as we go through our own “flooding” in the coming days, weeks, months… stay afloat on the Power of Prayer.

On a lighter note, I found this photo on the internet and I just laughed out loud. :-)