The Blanket Consent

I was cleaning up my computer folders and I found this 4-year old entry from my old deleted blog. The date was June 2005. I remember this was during the "Hello Garci" scandal, and I was a month away from being enroute to New York to re-shuffle my life. I was supposed to go to the US to settle the score on a long distance relationship, and at the same time I had just met Joseph (my husband) for the first time in 8 years. I remember becoming less excited to pursue the other one in the states because of my rekindling romance with Joseph. Sigh... 2005 seems like light years away already. Read my thoughts on "SUBMISSION" at that time of my life and I'm pretty sure you'll be amused. 

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Written in June 2005

This is not a comment on the recent “Hello Garci” events. Although I might cite Gloria, Susan, Cory, Hillary (Clinton not Duff), and even Imelda somewhere in this essay, I would like to clear up that this piece could be anything but a political editorial. I am not a big fan of any of the four. But I will not deny being amazed on how they are such “GREAT” wives to their husbands. They are true examples to the adage: Behind a great man is an even greater woman! Or well, that’s just another way of actually sprucing up a man’s ego. The real meaning to it is, men simply just can’t stand alone, let alone clean up after themselves. Men, no matter how old they have grown up still remain babies who need their diapers changed regularly by their mommies.

I’m not being a Feminist here. In fact, the whole point of my blog is all about SUBMISSION.  I used to be so allergic to this word. As a matter of fact, I still am but lately I’ve realized some things to re-consider with regards to this concept. I am slowly embracing “submission” in a new light. I could imagine myself being the kind of wife that Cory, Susan, Hillary, Imelda, and Gloria are. These are really dominant, strong women who PROBABLY (I’m simply assuming) decided to “submit” themselves in a form of a BLANKET CONSENT. 

This is a new idea I got from my voracious readings on the Internet. (I’ve got so much FREE time, I’m telling you.) Anyway, this refers to the idea of giving the man in your life the freedom to act forcefully and at least in one sense (though not a deeper sense) against your will – without giving him rules to abide by, approved times or places, etc. It implies both an enormous amount of trust on the woman’s part, and considerable knowledge of the woman of the man’s part. It does not mean that the woman loses any “rights” or is a DOORMAT. (So put down those raised eyebrows!) It does not mean that if the man were to start beating the woman to a pulp, he would be able to argue that she had consented. (Let’s not lose our commonsense here, folks! Haller!) It only assumes that there is goodwill and a desire on both sides to create and maintain an exciting relationship. Submission for me now is an obsolete concept. The new way of “submitting” is BLANKET CONSENT.

This is not a rebellion to WOMEN’S LIB. All I’m saying is let the men play their game because we women know the score all the time. This came after recognizing an age-old fact that women are biologically stronger than men. Therefore, there’s really nothing to be hormonally homicidal and insecure about men and their perpetual efforts to conquer us. Most of them die before us anyway, if not all. Hehehe. Haven’t you noticed that women outlive men?

Women do live longer than men. Well, at least that’s the general case in developed countries. The average being 5-6 years. This is only non-applicable in other poor parts of the world where there are still risks of childbirth. But then again, do we even have to go there? So moving on, men might holler and say “Shit that’s unfair!” (And that is why we need to stroke their egos once in a while because we women know, they’re all gonna die before us anyway!) 

Okay, okay, going back to the question: why do women live longer than men? That question can be answered at 2 levels. An evolutionary biologist would tell you that it is because women get evolutionary bonus points from living long enough to help bring up the grandchildren. Men, by contrast, wear themselves out competing for the right to procreate in the first place. In theory, yes these ideas hold water. But before men could argue, I’d like to keep their mouths taped with the medical reason that men lose 1/3 of their heart’s contractile muscles through time while women don’t. Plus estrogen is the hormonal elixir for us females! In this medical study, it has been found that GENERALLY men age in co-terminus with their hearts, while women continue to have younger hearts even as they grow older.

All I’m saying is, I know I am a strong, dominant, intelligent woman and that’s why my friends don’t seem to comprehend when I practically lose my brain whenever I AM IN LOVE. My gay best friend Neil, who survived a month-long stay in my apartment even said “Jill, I don’t think you can live with someone because you’re a bossy, obsessive compulsive bitch!” So how come that BITCH shuts up when she’s with her man?

Well, I won’t deny those. I’ve been called a predator, psycho, nuts, spoiled, and everything else in between by my friends and family. They were never told me in contempt though. Rather, they were all uttered in sweet exasperation. Jokes maybe, but we all know that jokes are half-meant. Okay, okay, I admit that I might freak out because the bathroom floor is wet, or if my CDs were disarranged from their Dewey-Decimal order, or if the throw pillows weren’t sitting on the couch at the right spots where I want them to be on, but IT DOESN’T MEAN I CAN NOT LIVE WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

I know there are women out there like me who are walking (strutting) paradoxes! It is in our nature to be strong, independent and at times even commanding, while also having a genuinely and lovingly submissive side that we choose to share with a trusted partner. It is not that the strong, independent, commanding side of us is just an act, a way of “being tough” for the outside world – it is who we really are but we also have another side that’s far from being less than true. Both sides are equally us – and each one feeds the other. The strong side helps us to grow and explore and to protect ourselves in a world that is by no means always benevolent or benign. But our “submissive” side, the part of us that will always be a young girl – playful, loving, and constantly reassured by a having a stronger, guardian force there to nurture and guide us – helps to give the womanly, independent side some strength.

Look at Gloria hiding a tear when she announced that her husband has decided to flee the country just to save what’s left of the family’s “good” (duh) name. Look at Susan, giving off dramatic scripts disguised as speeches in the name of her beloved albeit philandering demised spouse. Hillary was heads up while her husband’s other head was being worked up. Imelda and Cory are still in a catfight about whose boylet is better than the other. Imagine! These are STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMEN who basically didn’t need any of their men’s shortcomings but then, look at them crusading for their Y-chromosomed significant others. Why are they championing these men who in any feminist’s dictionary would be defined either as a JERK or a WIMP? (okay count out Ninoy) Aren’t these women supposed to be SMART?

As strong women, we don’t want to be TAKEN OVER of course! But we don’t mind being TAKEN IN HAND. Perhaps, in some cases it could be an iron hand in a velvet glove. But what is written in the fine print is this: We bow down to offer ourselves to our masters, and find that they have crowned us QUEENS.

There’s a quote that I like from Madame du Deffand, an 18th century French socialite. She said “Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses.”

So, probably, when I do walk that aisle sometime in the future, I wouldn’t have to flinch when the priest starts saying that I, WOMAN should “SUBMIT” myself to thy SPOUSE. I’ll just say I DO and give him the sheepish grin. I know better now.

White Lace & Promises...

... A kiss for luck and we're on our way... We've only just begun...

June is coming and although in Pinoy context more weddings take place in December and April, you can't deny the romantic ideals of being a June Bride. Because 'tis the season to be married, someone I know has given birth to the idea of creating a website that's all about love & marriage...

www.sweetheartsandspouses.com

Marley & Me

Marriage Movie Marathon 3

The third marriage movie on our marathon list is “Marley & Me” (2009) starring Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson. Yes, in case you don’t know, this movie is about marriage. Before anything else, I’d like to commend the chemistry between Jen & Owen. It felt real. But what was even more realistic was the movie’s story. To those who expected that this would just be another Romantic Comedy because of the stereotypical Hollywood stars on top bill, or probably a run-of-the-mill Disney-esque Family film because there’s a canine involved, you might have been disappointed. This movie is actually a memoir in motion. Based on an autobiography by John Grogan, "Marley & Me" is a simple straight-to-the-point chronicle of his family life and how their pet Labrador Marley figured out in the entire story.

“Marley & Me” first of all isn’t just about Marley, the dog. This is not like one of those Shaggy, Lassie or Beethoven movies. Marley didn’t save the day. Marley was not kidnapped for his fur. Marley was not made into a lab rat. Marley just happens to be the pet dog of the Grogans, and on many levels a representation of the responsibilities that come along with family and married life. Marley, as a very unruly dog, is symbolical of marriage itself – some days it’s charming but most days it’s such a chore. Just like Marley, marriage is not something you can return if it’s not behaving right. Just like Marley, marriage can sometimes be messy but hey you’ve just hafta pick up the poop and clean up.

The movie resonates a lot to Joseph and me because being dog lovers ourselves and childless to boot, we feel the pain of having to fill those gaps in our fledgling marriage; facing the social pressure to conceive by smiling up front and shedding tears inside our hearts; and living out our daily domestic humdrums and ironing out our various individual differences.

There’s also the issue of careers – giving up our “ambitions” to settle down. Some unmarried people are quick to say that marriage is not supposed to stop you from becoming what you’ve always wanted to be. And I know married people would agree with me that priorities do change. Although we used to have those BIG dreams of climbing our ideal career ladder, our families naturally become more important. When we were single, it would have been much easier to just call it quits when things start becoming unbearable in the office. When we were single, we had more freedom to open the doors of working and studying abroad. We can’t afford to be jobless now but it’s not about being slaves to our obligations and losing ourselves in the process. Marriage is all about becoming unselfish.

We see that in “Marley & Me”. Jen Groger (Jen Aniston) leaves a high-paying newspaper job to take care of the new baby because she doesn’t want to be one of those parents who just see their kids awake for an hour a day. John (Owen Wilson) on the other hand, gives up his dream of being an international reporter in exchange for a more laid-back, closer-to-home job as a columnist. It’s not exactly the hardcore journalism career that he had hoped for but he’s not complaining.

Warning to single people, domesticity can be dull. But personally, I think marriage becomes mundane only when the husband and wife living out that married life are boring people themselves. Good thing, Joseph and I stir each other. To quote my husband, “How will I ever get bored with you? You’re crazy!” Hahaha! Speaking of perking up the partnership, I guess Marley also provided the sugar & spice in their family. Marley kept them running, "literally" and figuratively. So I think it's apt to say that married couples should determine what's the "Marley" in their marriage. It doesn't have to be literally a pet... the Marleys in marriages differ and that all depends on the kind of couple/family that you are or want to be.

Two for the Road

Marriage Movie Marathon 2

As a follow-up to our marriage movie marathon, I told my husband that we should watch another one of my all-time favorites: “Two for the Road” (1967) starring Albert Finney (the dying dad in Big Fish and that lawyer in Erin Brockovich) and the delightful Audrey Hepburn. I’m a real big fan. And yet again, this is another movie with a top-notch soundtrack. Henry Mancini (Moon River from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s) did the musical score. I first saw this film when I was in High School and it definitely gave me the aspiration and inspiration for my own future married life.

Tagged as a classic film on marriage, Two for the Road’s title alone clearly depicts married life as a journey. The metaphor is just perfect! Just like any road trip, it is bound to hit bumps, steep hills, highways, flat tires and even engine fires! That’s what Mark and Jo Wallace went through as the story of their 12-year old marriage was told in a non-linear manner, volleying the viewer back and forth in the relationship and cleverly using the passing of cars as transitions, and of course using Audrey’s upgrading fashion sense as visual cues to mark the couple’s evolution.

We see them first as a well-heeled husband and wife, bored and bickering at each other, and on their way to the south of France. While they muse about the prospect of divorce, they unintentionally get down into memory lane, remembering the good and the bad, as they traveled the same road where most of their marital breakthroughs happened. The story is actually a summary of five road trips, all of which the couple have taken in different eras of their married life. This was the road where they accidentally wounded up hitchhiking together and falling in love along the way. From finding out they’re pregnant to finally bringing along little Caroline; from tagging along with snobbish family friends to traveling on their own in jet setting style.

Mark and Jo’s marital journey as symbolized by these road trips, if I may say, is an eye-opener for married couples like me and Joseph. We are presented with paradoxes such as the couple being more happy and carefree when they were practically penniless during the early years of marriage, and then ironically becoming hostile and cold when they finally could afford anything they want. They were better-off when they had the cheap car. The ride became worse when their automobiles got more expensive.

There’s a lovely point in the movie which becomes the thesis of the story. One time during their honeymoon days, Joanna sees a silent couple in a restaurant and asks Mark, “What kind of people can eat an entire meal together and not talk?” He then quips, “Married people!” A decade later, they ironically find themselves becoming THAT couple.

We definitely learn a lot from this picture especially at this point in my marriage now with Joseph when we are beginning to have those classic white picket fence dreams – a house with a lawn, a car, our own enterprise, time to travel, a dog, a baby… We are reminded though that a higher class of lifestyle doesn’t guarantee bliss… a luxury car doesn’t exactly make the ride smoother. It’s the road that determines the journey. And unfortunately no matter what type of vehicle we use, it doesn’t change the terrain of the path. Marriage is like a long stretch of cemented highways and bumpy dirt roads combined. No map in any store can tell you where the potholes and humps would be. You’ll just see it when it’s there. Or worse, you hit it first and then know that it was there. The road of marriage may present a lot of surprises along the way that make the trip more interesting, and maybe frustrating most of the time. But one thing’s for sure, marriage is never a one-way thoroughfare. It is always a two-way street.

Same Time Next Year

Our most favorite bonding time at home is to watch DVDs. This week my husband and I did a viewing marathon on movies that are all about marriage. Let me share with you our insight on the first one…

Marriage Movie Marathon 1

Uncanny but I admit that although this movie’s subject is infidelity, “Same Time Next Year” (1978) still remains to be one of my all-time favorite films simply because of its theme song (Johnny Mathis’s “The Last Time I Felt Like This”) and the way that the story was written. That’s crediting the fact that it was originally a successful 2-character Broadway Play by Bernard Slade. The film doesn’t deviate much from the play’s structure. Everything is still seen and felt through the points of view of the two main characters – George and Doris, two cheating spouses played by Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn.

In gist, the story begins in 1951 when the two of them accidentally meet each other in a quaint little inn out of town (think Sonya’s Garden in Tagaytay). And by some unexplainable magic (blame the ambiance), they hit it off and one thing lead to another and soon we find them carrying on an adulterous affair for 26 years. But unlike most affairs, they agreed to consummate this alternate reality only once a year, hence the title. And then the movie takes us through the years, in a 5-year interval, as we see them age and evolve physically and emotionally ironically like any typical married couple. The only difference is that THEY’RE NOT MARRIED to each other.

I have to warn people before viewing this film. Watch it with care. It would be quite easy to romanticize and glorify “adultery” after falling in love with the charming characters of George and Doris. Hopefully, none of you would get any bad idea. I wanted my husband to see this film because I wanted to remind him (okay, myself too) that the temptation to cheat can indeed happen even in the absence of unhappiness in the marriage. It was good timing actually because he confided in me recently that some girl in his office actually professed a "crush" on him.

It is important to note in the movie that throughout the quarter of a century that George and Doris were together, they each had satisfying and relatively “happy” marriages with their respective spouses. Most studies reveal that the most popular reason why spouses cheat is discontent, and mostly it’s the need for sexual satiety. We realize that even though George and Doris were happily married, their perfect suburban lifestyles lacked the adventure of romance. Their annual rendezvous provided exactly that.

People say that romance leaves the marriage as soon as kids come in and even as early as a year after... three max. As much as comfort in marriage is a welcomed feeling after having volatile emotions during the dating years, it can also be the culprit for cheating. That’s why, even though it’s a good answer, I get worried when my husband (lovingly) answers me with the phrase “I’m content” when I ask him if he’s happy. He tells me that happiness is overrated. Contentment is more his thing. And so with this movie, I pointed out that cheating can still worm its way inside a very content heart. That’s why I told him, we should not stop being crazy over each other. Let’s be comfortable and curious at the same time. We may be married but we can be George and Doris to each other too.

A Year After...

Last weekend, April 19 to be exact, Joseph and I marked our first year as husband and wife. It’s cliché to say that it’s been a roller-coaster ride but really there’s no other perfect description for it. Good thing that in reality I love theme parks and I’m a sucker for crazy rides. So basically the past year had been fun… crazy, wild, scary, thrilling, emotional, but all in all – FUN! It’s fun to be my husband’s wife. It’s fun to be married to someone who doesn’t mind (and even adores) my endless quirks. It’s fun to be married to someone who listens to my drama queen moments… who cheers my pussycat doll renditions (hahaha)… who is a big fan of my culinary skills… who remains faithful to every word he said in his wedding vow.

We had so much fun being married that we just casually pushed aside any other wedding detail that needed to be accomplished such as our wedding video and photo album. Seriously, after preparing for the wedding day itself, we were just thankful that it was over and we opted to take a breather from it. Alas we totally forgot about those pending matters. We actually just “saw” our wedding this week as we finally claimed the video and photo album after ALMOST ONE YEAR. We were able to bring it along to our Anniversary Dinner Party at Adarna Food & Culture.



Watching the wedding on screen, we were even more thankful to God for making it beautiful. Praise God that my rashes were not so visible on video. Praise God for the generous Jerome Chang (make-up artist to Lucy Torres, Vicki Belo, Zsa Zsa among others) who didn’t charge me an arm and a leg for my glamorous “tears-proof, camera-tested, all-night-beauty-guaranteed” make-up. The rate was probably the “friendliest” rate he has ever given to a bride. Thanks again Jerome, God bless you.

Praise God for the weather that it wasn’t this dreadfully hot last year and that it didn’t rain too. God indeed reserved that date. Praise Him even more for the wisdom in selecting our Principal Sponsors. We just didn’t want to get anybody who “could give us a generous gift” to start with. We didn’t want Ninongs and Ninangs for the sake of having some. We just didn’t want to put bigwigs or famous people on our invitation even if we could, considering that we do know a lot of these kinds. We really wanted people who could guide and counsel us… couples who can inspire and disciple us. We wanted more than just “Sponsors”… we needed “Spiritual Allies”… Prayer Partners and Shepherds who can really provide wisdom and example on the Biblical portrait of marriage.

Here's a clip from our Wedding Anniversary Party

Bring the Wife to Work Day

One of the blessings of being a freelance professional is having control over my schedule. Most days I am just here at home, typing away scripts and blogs and doing house chores and catching up on my book reading in between. And then some days I’d be fairly free. So to keep me away from my laptop at least for a few hours, my husband would occasionally pick me up at home and (un)officially declare “Bring the Wife to Work Day.”

My husband is a licensed veterinarian but he’s currently in sales. He works for a company that sells canine diseases test kits to vets. So a normal working day for my husband would be driving around the metro and up north visiting clinics. Yesterday, since his itinerary was just QC and he didn’t have any co-workers riding with him, he had the missus sitting on the passenger seat.

Driving around especially in this dreadful summer heat can be a pain so I could clearly see from my husband’s smile that he, like me, cherishes these moments. I don’t really do anything but just be there as his “ka-kwentuhan”; entertaining him with my random thoughts and muses on anything that my eye catches on the road. When it’s time to make a client call, I just stay in the car and patiently wait for him. On rides like this we always have our favorite ‘90s rock music lined up. Then we would reminisce our rollicking teen years growing up to these songs. It’s really a blessing to be married to someone who shares your interests. He’s not only my husband but more than anything he’s my best friend. And hubby knows very well that I like eating at unique spots so for lunch he took me to his client’s restaurant.



PLACES (Pet Lovers Animal Clinic and Emergency Services) is actually a veterinarian clinic that has an Ilocano Specialty carinderia on the side called “Kainan nila Doktora”. Amusingly, the eatery earns more than the clinic. Hahaha. Well, it’s not surprising since this place, as my husband told me, has become a landmark on Visayas Avenue. Veterinarians from other clinics and Ilocano food lovers go to eat there for lunch or dinner. My father’s family is actually Ilocano. They only moved to Davao sometime in the ‘50s. So I also grew up on my grandfather’s home cooked Papaitang Kambing (To my foreign readers: it’s a stew made from intestines and other innards of the goat.)



Yesterday, Joseph and I tried their Adobong Baboy Damo and Tapang Usa. (Pardon me, my vegan & animal rights activists readers) The baboy damo meat was so soft and you know what it doesn’t taste like pork at all. And I noticed that its bones were very small. My husband explained that wild boars are actually small because they’re not farm-fattened like the ones we usually get from the market. If you’re craving Ilocano food then you should really go down to this place. Big thumbs up for the food! I love it when my husband gets to have a 2nd cup of rice because believe it or not my husband for a guy eats like a cat. I grew up in a family where eating is an Olympic game. My male cousins and brothers are all huge so I get embarrassed when I realized that I have eaten more than my husband. These days I make sure that he eats more than me.



After the hearty exotic lunch, Joseph went to the clinic to make a client call on Doc Mae the veterinarian slash restaurateur. By the way don’t worry they don’t serve any Azucena (dog dish) in her restaurant. And then we went back on the road and headed to the next clinic. I definitely love “Bring the Wife to Work” days. I can’t wait for the next. :-)

A Dozen Rosy Love Stories (Batch 2)

Exactly one month from now, Joseph and I will be marking and celebrating our 1st year of marriage. Forgive me for using the cliché but time sure flies when you’re having fun. There were some bumps along the road but to be honest that was even when the fun really began. During our 1st year, we’ve learned a lot and for me most especially, I discovered a fact that I would not have learned if I married a Non-Christian guy and lived a regular secular life: Marriage thrives in the company of Godly Marriage. Being married within a community of Christ believers is truly a blessing. In our church alone, there are plenty of admirable couples who have been enjoying a love triangle with God for many years now. God is certainly the only 3rd party who would not break you apart.

If you remember, I posted an entry a month ago about 12 Love Stories that are close to my heart. These were my friends in and out of the church. And as I begin to contemplate on our first year as Mr. & Mrs. Palarca, I can’t help but be thankful for the inspiration, guidance and examples set by the older couples in our church that have touched us for the past year. Hence, yesterday I was moved to list down these said couples and make a Batch 2 of my own list of “Ordinary People Extraordinary Love”. I haven’t been with CCBC for that long so I’m not really that adept about these couples’ love stories in their entirety. I can only write snippets of it from whiffs and my perspective. This is how I see them and how they made an impact in my marriage. I hope they inspire you too...

[Sequenced according to years of marriage)

1.Pastor Rene & Stella Atienza (36 Years)
"In Sickness & In Health…"
Cancer is always a tough battle… more so for husbands & wives. But indeed, you can really see a couple’s fortitude in times of pain. Ptr. Rene and Tita Stella’s marriage is proof that when God allows illnesses in our midst, it is really not just to test us but it is God’s unique way of highlighting our passion and compassion for each one, and most especially our desire for God. Tita Stella’s cancer may have gotten the best of her physical body but it has not stripped off any ounce of life in their marriage and in their ministry.

2. Gene & Carrie Arizala (31 Years)
"The LDR: Long Distance Relationship"
If they say that the OFW (Overseas Foreign Worker) is the Bagong Bayani (Modern Day Hero), you could probably say that the OFW Wife is a Martyr. Both suffered for causes… The only difference is that while a hero is often times celebrated, a martyr usually remains unsung… and in this case left to do both the paternal and maternal tasks in the family. It is not easy to be an OFW wife but Tita Carrie does it with a lot of faith, hope and love… and may I add flair! They may be oceans apart but their love for the Almighty keeps them hand in hand.

3. Pastor Phil & Rica Tarroja (28 Years)
"Music and Lyrics"
He writes songs… She sings… Would it be a surprise if they produce a musical Soul Child? Parents to award-winning musical artist Julianne, Ptr. Phil and Tita Rica are two of the most adorable people in church… and definitely one of the sweetest couples I’ve ever met. It warms my heart whenever I would catch Tita Rica, usually seated at the front right side of the sanctuary during Vesper service, looking at Ptr. Phil on the pulpit and listening to him intently and tenderly, with undeniable affection and loving respect, while he delivers another one of his life-turning messages to the evening worshippers. I could see her eyes beaming with pride, quietly depicting a sweet submission. At this point, they may play unequal roles of teacher-student; shepherd-disciple but as husband and wife they are clearly one… their marriage and ministry - put together like music and lyrics of a beautiful song.

4. Efren & Celia Quejada (26 Years)
"Mr. & Mrs. EE"
EE stands for Evangelism Explosion but it could very well mean Ever Effervescent when it comes to describing this beautiful husband and wife. I love couples who share the same passion, and the Quejadas’ heart beats loudly for evangelism. Their conversion story is truly a terrific testimony. They were at the height of their garment business around 18 years ago, with 2 little girls and an economically stable bank account when the couple felt that there was still some sort of emptiness in their home despite having filled to the brim every aspect of their domestic family life. They didn’t know what was missing until three people from CCBC visited them one day and told them about the Good News through the EE format. That day, Jesus entered their lives… their marriage. They fell in love with Christ more each day, and their desire for sharing the same Good News to their friends and families burned even deeper. As an act of faith and as answer to their burning desire to serve the Lord they turned their lives around by closing down their business and instead made God richer with the souls that they have been saving… working together on sharing the Gospel… training more believers to win more new believers.

5. Efren & Irene Figueroa (26 years)
"Beauty and the Beast"
Haha! Just kidding! I know their photo could almost pass up as an Executive Optical Ad but sorry to disappoint you, Tita Irene has 20-20 vision optically and most of all spiritually. Despite the 15 year age difference and the obvious physiognomy mismatch, they are in God’s book a match made in heaven. Their passion for serving the Lord is what makes them a beautiful couple inside and out – Tito Efren as one of the Board Members of the Church while Tita Irene is a prominent figure in Mary Martha (All Women’s Ministry).

6. Pastor Jorge & Bolen De Ramos (21 Years)
"How do I love thee?... Let me count the 10 Ways…"
I see them around church regularly but I only had the chance to really interact with them during the Young Couples’ Fellowship that our group, the Young Adults Ministry put up last year. Ptr. Jorge and Tita Bolen were our guest speakers and it was from them that Joseph and I learned the 10 Ways of Marriage Intimacy. It was definitely an eye-opening lecture and it even made Joseph and me more excited about our years ahead. My favorite lesson that I learned from them was the importance of writing down a Mission and Vision as a couple. How do we want to be defined? What is our goal? Thinking about these things really puts the marriage in perspective. It really made us realize that marriage is more than just “being together” and working together to buy a house, car, life insurances, travel… playing Bahay-Bahayan. It was God who set this union so it is essential that our marriage should be in line according to His Plan.

7. Jun & Gina Directo (21 years)
"The Banker & the Bass Player"
They remind me of Louie Ocampo and his wife Jo – she’s also a banker while the guy’s a musician. How do numbers mix with notes? In the Directos’ case, how do interest rates mesh with guitar chords? They obviously come from two different worlds but only God can put them together. It probably helped that they were both part of the church’s young adults circle at that time. Their families were also two of the most active and largest ones in church. Come to think of it, if they had not found each other in church, the chances of them ever meeting at the center would have been odd. They say opposites attract but with this couple God is surely the magnet that pulls them together.

8. Pastor Randolph & Jot Velasquez (20 Years)
"Young @ Heart"
This couple is turning 20 this April 20 and yet they could still be mistaken as honeymooners. This Mag-Tarts, or mag-sweethearts leads the church’s Youth Ministry. So now you know their version of the Fountain of Life. She’s bubbly, he’s quiet… She’s kikay, he’s shy… I just can’t help but notice that somehow my husband and I are also like that. They’re really an admirable pair. The Youth@111 is definitely one of, if not the most dynamic and fruitful ministry of CCBC. Thanks to the leadership and dedication of this husband and wife team, they help make Christianity cool for this generation.

9. Jun & Beth Punzalan (19 Years)
"And they called it Puppy Love…"
No... they didn’t fall in love while they were tweens. Hehe. They just share a literal love for puppies! Dr. Jun and Dr. Beth are Veterinarians, but they’re not just mere dog doctors… they’re what I’d like to call Vet-trepreneurs! Some people say it’s challenging to run an enterprise with your spouse. The pressures at the office can easily sneak into the bedroom. I’ve seen a lot of business partner couples crash and burn. I guess that really happens when you don’t take in God to audit your marriage. The Punzalans business plan was obviously written by God. They are actually our Marital Godparents and so Joseph and I really look up to them for entrepreneurial inspiration, most especially since Joseph is a Veterinarian himself. We found it really sweet that a few weeks ago, they invited us their inaanak (godchildren) for a fellowship dinner at their home. They expressed their sincere desire to get to know us more intimately in Christ… they want to journey with us in our marriage with the Lord in the driver’s seat… now that’s what you call a real Godparent!

10. Pastor Rey & Glo Avante (17 Years)
"The First Couple"
Pastor ReyAv, as we fondly call him, is CCBC’s Senior Pastor. That makes Tita Glo, his wife the First Lady. And their home at Heroes Hill could very well be the White House. He’s affable and a natural comic. And she’s the kind of homemaker I aspire to be. Tragedies have come their way but God’s Victory prevailed. I really had a hearty laugh when Tita Glo quoted her precocious son on her blog: “Si Papa naman talaga ang ilaw ng tahanan eh… si Mama ang switch!” Their son hit the nail on the head. Ptr. ReyAv, as our Senior Pastor truly serves as light to his church and it’s no easy task. It is comforting and indeed a great blessing to know that while our beloved Pastor seeks to light up each person’s heart in the congregation, his devoted wife is there, inspiring him each day, like a switch to a lamp brightening a room.

11. Pastor Nicky & Sally Joya (17 Years)
"Driving Pastor Nicky"
If you didn’t get the allusion in the title then you’re probably in your twenties and below. Anyway, while the norm for most couples would be that of the husband driving, dropping and picking up the wife, those roles have been switched in the Joya marriage. Ptr. Nicky was our wonderful and helpful Pre-Marital Counselor, and so as someone who teaches us about “submission” it was kind of lovingly ironic that his wife is the one behind the wheel, literally. I find that cute. And they are really cute by the way; blessed even more with equally cute children.

12. Pastor Rey & Maya Maclang (12 Years)
"The Concert King & Queen"
Forget Martin & Pops, CCBC has Ptr. ReyMac & Ate Maya! The first time I heard this couple perform a powerhouse praise song, I was really blown away. I’ve always been honest about my non-preference for country-sounding Christian songs because I find them a bit boring. So when I started to hear this couple sing with soul in funk, rock and r&b rhythms, I said to myself, I can sing all day to God with these praises. Now they’re based in Thailand, serving a church there and ministering to young Thai people who have yet to know Christ. The CCBC stage certainly misses them. The Sanctuary is missing the echoes of their brilliant voices. But I am blessed that more than their voices, their friendship and Godly counsel have filled my heart.

My Husband's Birthday Blog

Today is my husband's 30th Birthday and I'm posting here what he wrote last night on his Multiply Blog:

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I’m not really into the habit of putting down my thoughts & reflections for everyone to read. (I think I should leave that to my wife.) Also I’m not the type who really gets excited about his birthday. But this year, I find that for the first time in a long while, I have every reason to celebrate. A couple of weeks back, my wife and I were given the privilege of sharing our love story on TV (I’m sure most of you already read about it in my wife’s blog and I think some of you even saw it). I’d like to post what my wife wrote for me & read on that show:


Dear Babe,

It’s only been 10 months since we got married but it already feels like 10 years… I have grown so comfortable with you, everything’s familiar now and yet I still discover amazing and lovely things about you each day. The wonders never cease. Everyday in the morning, I thank God for the kiss you carefully put on my lips to wake me up. Every night, I praise God even more for the warm embrace where you wrap me in while I sleep.

As we approach our 1st anniversary in a couple of months, I’m excited for what God will write or perhaps has already written for the sequel of our love story. Our Part 1 was almost a tragedy but God indeed has a great sense of humor and turned it into a romantic comedy. I wonder what’s up next…

Whatever it is… however it will be… knowing that God has been faithful and actually gave me back my 1st love and my soul mate after so many years, I trust that tomorrow and the rest of our days together we’ll have faith, hope and most of all love.

-- Jill--


More than all the blessings & gifts that I could receive, I know that God has blessed me most with my wife. After everything that we’ve been through I’m amazed that she’s still with me, loving me in spite of me. Now that I have her, I can’t quite remember how life was before her. In fact, I can’t even imagine how my life would be without her. She reminds me what life is all about. It’s not the trials or the challenges or the “falling down’s”. It’s about the victories, about the lessons learned, about the “getting back up’s”.

She adds color to my life with her laughter, pulling me always from the dark into the light of her sunshine. She gives me strength with just a squeeze on my hand. Her warm embrace is all the confidence I need to face the world. She looks at me and I know that she sees so much more in me than I could ever realize – not just who I choose to be, but all the good things that I could become. I don’t think I could find anyone else who believes in me more than she does and I am overwhelmed by it. I find all of these in my wife – my lover, my friend, my ever loyal fan – and each day I am with her I find more like another pearl that I uncover. She’s my treasure. Babe, you are my blessing, God’s gift to me. Thank you for choosing to always love me.

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Do you need to ask me more why I married this guy? Hehe...
I love you Babe... Happy Birthday... :-)

A Sweet Life Gone Sour

I’m supposed to feast on another RomCom (romantic comedy) for my February Mush Marathon but I could not resist watching REVOLUTIONARY ROAD. My sister-in-law had a “dibidi” at her apartment. When I found it, my immediate reaction was “Ooh! Can I borrow it?” and she said, “Sige… di ko type yan… boring. Mas maganda pa yung Titanic nila!” I chuckled. Obviously, my sister-in-law isn’t exactly a film connoisseur. She’s just your average movie-goer. It’s not her fault.

But personally, I think comparing Titanic & Revolutionary Road is probably the LAST (and silliest) thing you could do. The only thing I liked about Titanic was James Cameron’s obsession with the authenticity of the tragic voyage – from the hull down to its china. The love story was practically like a sinking ship. It was mushy right. So mushy that it felt like a soggy banana mash was being shoved into my mouth. It was “cute” and “nice” the first time but after seeing it again for the nth time (a ‘90s thing to do) you get to realize more and more that there aren’t really any subtexts to be read and there aren’t even metaphors at play to make this film even remotely “deep”. The only depth one could encounter is the bed of the Atlantic Ocean.

And this where the irony begins… While my sister-in-law thinks that Revolutionary Road was just a “boring” husband and wife story compared to the seemingly exciting romance of Titanic, the reality is (as always) what looks spectacular on the exterior is nothing but fluff (Titanic) while the one that has a mundane premise actually has more “depth” (Revolutionary Road).
Unlike Titanic whose love story plot came from the mind of a director who was famous for nothing more than his Terminator movies (go figure) Revolutionary Road was an adaptation of a 1961 novel by Richard Yates. The story is set in the mid-50s – the rise of suburbia – and it’s about a young couple Frank & April Wheeler: About 30 yrs old; Married with 2 kids… and in typical 50s dynamics, the husband goes to work in an office while the wife stays home to bake pies. The problem begins when the wife in the middle of her dishwashing chore gets an epiphany – THERE MUST BE MORE TO THIS DOMESTIC LIFE!

I have always been intrigued with stories/movies set in the 50s. Hollywood has depicted the era many times but the ones that always leave a mark on me are those that center on the paradox that is the 50s Homemaker. The one that I loved best before Revolutionary Road was one of Julianne Moore’s films – The Hours, where she plays housewife Laura Brown who secretly despises her mundane daily life which includes baking a birthday cake for her husband. She lives vicariously through her favorite novel Virginia Woolf’s “Mrs. Dalloway” and then one day goes “Sylvia Plath” – leaves her son and goes suicidal in a motel room. She decides against it though and instead goes home, serves the perfectly pretty home-baked cake to the family, and just when you think everything’s okay; that she has come to her “senses”, she eventually takes the bus and disappears… forever. She quit, just like that.

Frank and April shared the same suburban prison. In Revolutionary Road, the Wheelers, most especially the missus had this restlessness – a desire to be part of the world and not just let it go by, which she translates to Paris. Mrs. Wheeler thinks that Paris would be the best place for them. It’s a place they think where they can exhaust their “potential”. In April’s words that would be “For Frank to be able to think about what he really wants to do while she would work and maybe pursue her acting.” When they told this to fellow suburban neighbors, they couldn’t quite understand what the Wheelers were talking about but nevertheless they took it all politely. So what’s in Paris that’s not in the US? The Wheelers argued that the cost of living there was far cheaper… and most especially it’s where they feel that they can be ALIVE. It really sounded very whimsical but given that they were two idealistic people, it was easy to romanticize everything. Let’s leave suburbia for bohemia! Paris just seems to be only way out of this mundane existence. So at first it was a pretty good plan until came Frank’s big promotion and April’s unexpected pregnancy. Suddenly Paris becomes a question at least for Frank while it becomes an obsession for April which later on causes the demise of their marriage and a couple of precious lives.

When watching the film, one could easily fall into the trap of taking sides – Frank’s or April’s. Whose fault was it? Who really caused the tragedy? As I have told you earlier, I am always curious about the walking time bomb called “the 50s Housewife.” It’s pretty clear that this generation of wives wanted to wear the pants but were the given the apron instead. They wanted to be in the boardroom and not in the kitchen. Remember this was the generation of mothers who smoked, drank beer and took cough syrup even when they’re pregnant. Well of course there was the limited medical information at that time but seriously was “good health” that really unheard of? What I’m saying is these women were clearly very ahead of their time. Abortion was not even THAT big of an issue. So if you think your grandparents are conservative – think again!

It’s just so ironic because while the 50s housewife wanted to be anywhere else but the kitchen, don’t you notice that more and more wives and mothers nowadays would rather stay home? While Frank & April abhorred their manicured neighborhood, more and more couples and families nowadays are buying into the landscaped promises of the Grass Residences of SM and all those Real Estate developments in the outskirts of the city. My husband and I asked ourselves recently “What are we working hard for anyway?” The answer: to buy a house & a car, be able to travel, afford our cable & internet, pay for our insurances, and eventually send our kids to good schools (if we ever have one). In short, we also admit to have our own version of the white picket fence dream. On the flipside, we might be able to fit in the Wheelers’ world more than they could.

You know what I really find problematic about Frank and April’s marriage? I don’t even blame the times. It’s really more about the lack of God in their marriage. Because the truth is, if April & Frank were Christians, and if they were obedient to the biblical portrait of marriage, then the 50s would have been a perfect era for them to play those roles. Submission would have been “natural”. Back then, there was no necessity for a double income household. The husband’s earnings could take care of everything. Aah! How I wish it would be the same today. These days both spouses would really have to work. And interestingly, there are really a lot of women now who are earning more than their husbands. April would have liked to be 30 in 2009 and not in 1955.

I tried to imagine myself in April’s shoes. And while I admit that I’d rather be home and be the “perfect” homemaker, I agree that doing the dishes over and over again could sometimes spark that tiny nerve of dread in my mind. Like April, I also get a lot of my epiphanies while I’m in front of the sink. My kitchen has this large window and a lot of times I’d find myself drifting away in my thoughts (which you all get to read here on my blog site, hehe) while staring blankly at the parking building that’s standing next to our loft.

And maybe that’s why most wives nowadays prefer to stay at home. We all have easy access to the world through the Internet. Who needs to go to an actual office when you can be productive in your pajamas? So maybe if only April had some internet connection at that time, I really think she would not have gone ballistic about doing the dishes every day… because she would probably have a blog where she could just vent out all her rants and raves. Haha. And you know what’s more ironic about it? Frank’s big promotion that made him bail out of the Paris project was actually about selling a very new type of business machine called “the computer”. I really find that funny. If only April knew what that thing could do in the future.

There are times when domestic life especially when it’s new really does feel like “playing house.” And although I still feel giddy in calling myself a Honeymoon Homemaker, life at home can’t be all that sweet. Sometimes after you’ve practically turned the house over for every speck of dust, it’s tempting to wonder if I’m missing out on something out there. Have I really given up my dreams? My ambition? Could I be April? Maybe if I didn’t have Christ in me that would be possible. Frank and April’s problem was just really about the oblivion to THE REAL PURPOSE of their life… Their restlessness was just really about being lost in this world, like any other person out there who has not found the Truth.

The movie was really a reminder for me to stay in the right path. I used to agree that it’s not the destination but the journey that counts. Although Frank and April set their eyes on Paris, it wasn’t really a DESTINATION. It was just part of their prescription for “living.” They didn’t really have solid goals. They just want to LIVE… and FEEL IT. For them it was all about the journey too. But now things have changed for me. When I received Christ, I learned about my ultimate destination – HEAVEN. And I’m happy that my husband, being a Christian himself, shares the same destination too. Of course we do have earthly plans, and we try to enjoy what this life has to offer us as much as we can but we are not going to kill ourselves if we don’t get to do everything. The sweet life doesn’t have to turn sour. God’s word is the spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine go down.

A Dozen Rosy Love Stories

Yesterday, my husband and I were interviewed by Lucy Torres in her show “The Sweet Life”. It was for their segment called “Ordinary People Extraordinary Love” On our way home after the taping, Joseph and I mused that we do have an extraordinary love story. In fact there are too many facets to it that we just cannot tell it in a linear manner. Well I guess reality is indeed stranger than fiction. While it is true that our love story is one for the books, I believe that when it comes to LOVE no story is not worth telling about. So last night, I thought about these young married couples who are close to my heart and their love stories. As I was going through each couple’s story (at least garnering from all that I know about it), I came up with titles to describe the heart of their fairy tales. Read on...

(Sequenced according to year of wedding)

1. Richard & Lucy Gomez (1998) – "A Real Fairy Tale"
The barrio heiress meets the most eligible bachelor of the Philippines in one memorable TV commercial! Now this is a classic fairy tale of two very beautiful people (inside and out). I’ve known Lucy ever since we started working on Shall We Dance together in 2005 and I have nothing but “sweet” words for this woman. We immediately clicked ‘coz we’re both BisDak (Bisayang Dako). I watched their 1998 grand wedding in Ormoc on TV. At that time, I was still nursing my broken heart (Joseph) while in UP Diliman. Who knew I’d actually get to meet the couple. Most people would probably say that they’re too beautiful and their story’s such a fairy tale that it’s too good be true. But you know what Lucy is living proof that one can actually have a rosy sweet life. A real life princess marries her prince… and they live happily ever after. I recently encountered Richard’s Blog on PEP and I am always blessed by reading his stories about Lucy and Juliana.

2. Jomar & Muree Arcega (2003) – "The Blind Date"
It all started with a blind date back in college. More than 10 years later that blind date has already seen enough tests to prove that it was more than just love at first sight – it was God’s will. Today, Mr. and Mrs. Arcega are the most enterprising husband & wife team that I know in my circle. If there’s anything that they’re good at together – money & marriage. When most couples struggle with financial issues, this couple has been blessed with a good abundant life, and the best part is they're taking it all in stride with a lot of faith & love.

3. Jun & Tonette Collado (2004) – "The Love Boat"
They met in 1999 when we were all delegates to the SouthEast Asian Youth Program (SSEAYP). Like us, dancing had something to do with their love story. They were paired to do an interpretative dance as part of our Philippine Cultural Performance on board the luxury ship that carried the 300+ young leaders from all over Asia) and since then Nippon Maru has been their love boat. After 5 years of marriage, they’re now in Japan (a special place for most SSEAYP people and most of all them) Jun & Tonette are now pregnant! They just e-mailed me the other day and I am so thrilled!

4. Junn & Anne Esteban (2004) – "Bohemian Romance"
You know what they say that when two lovers look alike – they must be soul mates? Well, Junn & Anne are so MFEO (made for each other); they look alike so much that they could actually pass off as siblings. Haha. Okay but seriously, I’m really fond of this couple because they’re your typical bohemian people – they’re into the arts, ethnic & folk music. It’s not a surprise when they named their firstborn daughter Himig.

5. Paul & Grace Atienza (2004) – "Opposites Attract"
Actually, I wanted to use "Aso’t Pusa" as their title. Hehe. Just kidding. Paul & Gracey are both so highly-opinionated that we have all grown accustomed to their harmless & sometimes silly “debates”. Well, that’s what you get when you put two very different leaders, coming from the opposite poles, together. But if there’s one thing that connects this couple is their dedication to their two oh-so-cute-chikitings… and most of all to God and His work. Paul happens to be Joseph’s best friend since they were 6 while Gracey is my Shepherd. Their children are our godchildren. Their life has been part of our concerns & prayers. And now that they’re gearing for a life of doing missionary work, their sacrifices have been inspiring and insightful for Joseph and me.

6. Julius & Connie Santos (2005) – "Still Waters Run Deep"
If Paul & Gracey are both verbally expressive people, Julius and Connie are just about the opposite of that. But beneath that quiet and probably for some people mundane surface lies a strength that endures a lot of family heart aches. Julius and Connie are probably the only ones in this list who have yet to get married in church. They were wed only in civil rights inside the prison cell of Connie’s father. They could have done a typical church wedding with all the works but for them it would be pointless if the person who’s supposed to give the Bride away can’t be there. She didn’t wear the gown but I believe that their love is as strong as the steel rods of the jail bar where they made their vows.

7. Vince & Frances Sales (2007) – "Lit, Wit & Love"
Vince & Frances met during college while on their way up to Baguio for a Literary Writers’ Workshop. The bus that took them sort of had a tiny mishap on the road. The vehicle jolted to a stop and threw Frances into the arms of Vince. Whoops, hold it right there. Steady. Hold the gaze as the camera zooms in slowly to capture the brewing romance. Yes, it’s definitely a perfect scene cut for a movie. Fran has been a classmate/friend of mine since our UP Dil days. Then she became my neighbor in Pioneer Highlands. I could not forget that night when Frances in tears fled from their condo unit in Tower 1 and went knocking on my Tower 2 door, with her luggage at hand. I asked what happened. There was sort of an issue with a certain girl. Anyway, Vince called her and asked her to come back. They sorted things out. And finally after 10 years of being together, they finally got married, and now living a very glamorous life as Editors-in-Chief of 2 popular & glossy magazines – T3 and OK!

8. Jon & Peejay Atienza (2007) – "Lovin’ & Leavin’ on a JetPlane"
Speaking of glamorous couples with equally glamorous lifestyles, this next couple’s favorite activity is TRAVELING. And yes folks, I think as of late, Alaska is the last remaining American state that has not been ticked off yet from their itinerary. I love looking at this couple’s travel photos, and living vicariously through them. And as they hop from one destination to the other, I know that the only real HOME that they have is in each other’s arms.

9. Mervin & Bebbet Manlapid (2008) – "The Prayer Partners"
If there’s any relationship I know that has been deeply rooted in prayer – it would be Mervin & Bebbet’s love story. Their wedding was flawless. Their vows perfect. They didn’t have those you-and-me-against-the-world plight and they weren’t your typical star-crossed lovers. But more than anything their foundation is paramount among all – God’s Word.

10. Jec & Apol Casupanan (2008) – "Falling in Love"
Sometimes, most of us would easily pass judgment on people, especially when the person in question is someone who has a big role to play. If Merv & Bet lived their relationship righteously, this couple started with a FALL. I had my first whiff of Jec and Apol’s story when Apol was being formally ushered back into the church community after one year of disciplinary action. At that time I didn’t know what was going on. And then I learned the story. Love can indeed be dangerous and lead us astray at times but Jec and Apol are proof that God’s love flows more upon the fallen. Now their union is under God’s care – Jec has been recently baptized, and Apol is shining brightly as one of our Worship Song Leaders. Apol by the way was my Wedding Singer.

11. Kenneth & Donna Flavier (2008) – "Nourish with Love"
This was the title of the wonderfully made recipe book that they personally put together as their wedding giveaways. Why a recipe book of their favorite food? Well, it all started one day when Donna had breakfast in one of her favorite new restaurants in Makati. Suddenly out of nowhere, the waiter comes out with a free dish. He said it was compliments of the Chef. Ooh seems like the young new Chef has a crush on this Softball belle. A few more breakfasts followed which extended to lunch… then to dinner dates finally… and of course we all know by now that Donna is now enjoying gourmet food everyday in their new home.

12. Dave & Myma Arizala (2008) – "True Love Waits"
To quote Myma when asked how she knew that Dave was THE ONE, “… Nilunod nya ako sa pagmamahal” Indeed Myma was drowned and revived by Dave’s love for 12 years! They were each other’s FIRST. Sigh… in a world that’s stained and wrecked, it’s refreshing to know that two people can still be both pure even for a long period of time when they finally walk the aisle. Their obedience to God is not only worth emulating, it’s a beautiful testimony.

And for our LOVE STORY click HERE...