I believe that with God all things are possible. Although sometimes I kind of “abuse” that faithful promise and attempt to drown myself in a whirlpool of responsibilities in my career, ministry, fellowship and family, “expecting” sort of that God will just make things a breeze. This week, I just felt that everything fell apart to the point that my body crashed. As I am writing now, I’m still battling with fever and migraine. But this is so much better compared to how I was yesterday. I was LITERALLY convulsing in high fever. My body was shaking extremely. My muscles ached like “hell” and my heart felt like it was about to pop. Joseph was at work so it was a good thing that my father and Kean were home.I could not begin to imagine how it would have been if my papa wasn’t around. How in the world would a 6-year-old be able to attend to me? I was almost rushed to the hospital but thank God papa, acting on his father’s instinct, dealt with the emergency like he always did when we were still kids. He got some ice and towels for a cold sponge application on my hot forehead and neck, while he rubbed some Efficacent oil on my feet and legs because they were really cold. Kean was holding the ice pack on my head and guess what… the little boy was praying and telling me over and over again to “Hang on, Mom. God will heal you because he’s so powerful!”
At that point, hot tears just streamed down my cheeks. Just when I was about to get disappointed with God because he allowed this situation to happen amidst a gazillion deadlines and obligations, my little boy reminded me to be thankful instead of the love that surrounded me that time.
I had this whole week planned like a real expert. I was looking at a crazy week ahead but I told myself, hey I can do it. God will be with me because I am “prioritizing” him this week. Here’s how my week schedule was supposed to have looked like:
- Monday – Kean’s Food Festival in school. I had to be there to man the booth and do a storytelling session.
- Tuesday – Meeting with Sir Mike for the Mircera AVP & Roche Natcon details. Then in the afternoon with Direk Rich to discuss: MP3’s last 3 episodes to be taped on Thur, Oct 24; Eastern Communications event on Oct 27; and our concept for the MTV VJ Hunt 2009 which we are bidding for.
- Wednesday – Day One of my “Simply the Story” seminar at Greenhill Christian Fellowship Church. Then at the evening, the VO recording for the Mircera AVP will conveniently happen in the building beside GCF.
- Thursday – Day Two of STS seminar @ GCF. Then in the evening, finish the Eastern Communications script and email to Rich.
- Friday – Day Three of STS seminar @ GCF. I had plan on to ask Nick the editor to submit the Mircera AVP on my behalf since I’ll be busy in the seminar.
That Wednesday, everything just started to crumble down. I went to the seminar, feeling like a zombie because I spent the whole night writing the MP3 scripts. Then when I went there, the seminar didn’t look and feel like how I expected it so in a way, the interest was starting to wane, even though I was rebuking myself to pay attention and just let the Holy Spirit work in me. Then to make matters more stressful, Kean’s school was calling up because they were supposed to have a school program at 9AM and Kean was not in school yet. I didn’t have a clue. I was so disappointed with myself because obviously I was too caught up in my work for the past days that I forgot to read my son’s homework notebook. So during the seminar, I could not concentrate anymore. I had to call my father to bring Kean to school earlier than his usual time and put him in costume. Then at the same time, text messages about work came one after another. Slowly, I was developing a migraine.
So during lunch time, I calculated the deadlines and meetings that I had to do until the evening. My migraine was getting worse. Much as I would have wanted to continue the seminar that Wednesday and please God, my body was just screaming for me to go home and take this migraine to bed. So I went home, strapped with some guilt on my shoulders. I took a nap then after I got up I immediately started to work on the remaining MP3 scripts. I really had to finish them that Wednesday because the taping would be on the next day. I still had to email them to my director and then wait for his builds ‘til I can finally send the final versions for printing. On top of all of these I had to step out of the house again because I have scheduled the VO recording in Ortigas at 5pm, then meeting with the editor at around 7pm in the same area.
A couple of days earlier while I was coordinating this VO recording session, I even praised God for putting things in perfect order. My friend’s recording studio was originally in Kalentong so I was worried that I would not be able to get my VO talent to drive there since his schedule was packed that day and he could only do the recording in the Ortigas area. I called up the recording studios in Ortigas and unfortunately, they were all fully booked. So I had no choice but to convince my VO talent to drive over to Kalentong. But guess what? My friend texted me that he had just moved into his 2nd recording studio in Ortigas. Wow, that really blew me away because that development just fit in perfectly in my original plans, which was to attend the seminar in GCF Ortigas until 4pm, then do VO recording in the next building at 5pm then meet the editor in the same area afterwards. I said, “Wow Lord, ang galing ninyo mag-coordinate!”
But that Wednesday, things didn’t happen as planned. On the contrary, my supposedly efficient itinerary didn’t come about. I was not able to save up on taxi fare as previously preferred because I didn’t finish the seminar. I went home then stepped out again. My traveling expenses even doubled. When 5pm came, I headed over to my (suki) friend’s little recording studio in his personal condo unit. He had just moved in so some of the technical connections have not been put together completely. The VO talent came on time. Then when we were just about to get started, my worst nightmare came true. As soon as my VO talent sat on chair in front of the microphone, my friend’s editing machines crashed. I was stunned. “Lord, this can’t be happening, right? My deadline’s tomorrow!” But it was. So for a while there, I kept a straight face, forced a smile here and there, while my friend was trying to fix the problem and calling out SOS to his technicians. When it was taking too long already, my VO talent asked permission if he could stroll around Robinsons Galleria first. So he went and I waited there in agony.
While I was sitting in that room, with my friend silently panicking in the background, I was also drowning in my own desperation. I started asking, “Lord, are you punishing me for not finishing the seminar?” Of course deep inside my heart, I know that’s not the kind of God that we have. But somehow, I just can’t help but get frustrated with what’s happening. My migraine was working full-time. I was sensing some fever creeping over my body. And worrying that I might not be able to submit all my projects on time just killed me slowly. Then I started to ask myself again… Why am I in this industry in the first place? I wanted to be good at my job and the same time to be obedient to my God.
“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” – MATTHEW 6:24
Writing for TV and Advertising is what I’m really good at, and I could not imagine making a career out of something else. And I know God wants me to excel in my chosen professional field because he is a God of order and my attitude and work ethics would also reflect what kind of a Christian I am. As Christians, shining for the Lord does not only mean doing things for church but also being good and trustworthy co-workers in the secular world. I was so sad because there I was trying to make both ends meet – obedience to God and efficiency at work – and yet I was failing.Thursday came and I was not able to attend the seminar anymore because my migraine and fever were already taking a toll on me. I was supposed to have just rested on that day but my ministry responsibilities caught up and added stress to my already-stressful situation. I had not planned on doing anything yet for OMNI-C Part 2 (My open mic project for the Young Adults Ministry) that week but suddenly I was pressed to get on it ASAP because the one in charge for the church announcements had to leave for missions work in Cambodia and she needed to make Powerpoint presentations in advance. Whew, talk about pressure when I didn’t need one. But because I have committed to this project and in some way it was my brainchild, I ditched bed rest and worked on the poster announcement and some flyers and started calling some of the performers for confirmation.
That Thursday night was supposedly my good friend Anne’s baby shower party. I have been excited about it since the week earlier, especially right after I was able to buy her one of those chic nursing corsierres I found online. I had it perfectly scheduled in my calendar. I was already looking forward to a night of fellowship with my female friends in church only to be stumped by sickness.
So Friday came (yesterday). Since I was too sick to deliver the AVP on DVD to my client, I asked my editor to do it for me. Thank God he agreed. That meant limiting my outdoor activities would give me enough rest so that I could attend that big important meeting at 8PM with Direk Rich and the officers of Eastern Communications.
Alas, my body just went on crashing down slowly but “surely” that day. To make my day even more inopportune, my client for the Mircera AVP project called up to say that he didn’t like the VO used for the AVP and it must be changed. On a normal day, that would have just been a speck of dust that would have been easily brushed off my shoulder but it was far from a “normal” day for me. Just thinking about all the trouble we went through that night just to get that VO recording done then only to be told that it was not favorable at all was just over the top. After that call, sometime in the afternoon I had the worst case of chills that I have ever experienced. It was beyond what I have ever experienced with fever.
Looking back I asked myself, what is God telling me in this episode in my life? Soon I found the answers when I opened my devotional for today:
“Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls – Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.” – HABAKKUK 3:17-18
Just when I have already yielded to the idea that this past week had been a major disaster since not one thing went on according to my plan, I was reminded that God didn’t want me to make those plans in the first place; and that there’s still a lot to rejoice for and be thankful about. I was so caught up in my own frustrations that I missed the little miracles that God performed for me this past week while all these problems cropped up:
- God didn’t allow for writer’s block to happen to me this week, which made me able to write the scripts faster than my usual pace.
- Despite the stress that comes with it, I am thanking God for all of these well-paying projects that He has given me. Not everyone can have as much raket as I have been blessed with this week.
- Because money is good these days, I was able to buy my friend Anne that beautiful corsierre that I would not have been able to pay for if her baby shower happened some time in the financially-dry months of July and August.
- God is so good that he made my assistant writer for MP3 be available for taping on Thursday. Imagine the added stress if I was not able to send a writer that day.
- Praise God that my editor Nick was just in Robinson’s Galleria that night when the editing machines conked out at my friend’s studio. God told me that we could use Nick’s laptop, which he brought with him that day, and patch it to the mic and other sound switchboard hardware needed to record the VO in professional quality.
- God is so great that he opened my director Rich’s heart to allow me to skip the important meeting that Friday night. I had texted him that I was bedridden with fever but I was worried that he might not take it THAT easily since the production’s really pressed for time on this project.
- And finally, this story turned my heart around on how I feel about my father, and for that I am praising God in abundant joy! Remember the blog I wrote about our severed ties? Well, yesterday I became papa’s little girl again. I remembered how he took care of us when we got sick as kids. The smell of efficacent oil and the cold towels with rubbing alcohol brought me to that time when Papa was our hero. We had no mother growing up but papa though emotionally distant most of the time was always physically there when we were sick.
I was obviously not working with the Holy Spirit when I planned my “perfect” week. Even though I was claiming that I was prioritizing God, deep inside, my motivations and intentions had become off tangent. Yes, all things are possible with God… that is if we are really WITH GOD. Without noticing it, I have taken over directing my life again, like how I usually do, and ended up getting frustrated when things didn’t go according to my plan. I would have given myself a pat on the back if I was able to pull through this week without any blemish. The big word to consider was “IF”. As it came out, I didn’t and I realized once again that I AM SO WEAK. But praise God for His grace. Truly, I would still have been in bed right now, in tremors, if he had not showered me with His Grace which I totally don’t deserve after I briefly accused Him for not helping me out. It was a delusion of course because as I have reflected, God did several miracles for me this week. That only goes to show once again that his power can only be made perfect in my weakness.
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