10 Ways to be Intimate in Marriage

Yesterday Sept 19, Joseph and I marked our 5^th month of marriage. Honestly it felt more than that but yes we do admit we’re still basking in the sweetness of the honeymoon stage. That’s not to say that we’re all just saccharine to each other and there have never been any sour moments. God allowed some crises of considerable size to get in the way these past months, and we thank Him for that. Any good product has to go through some strict quality control. Joseph and I are eagerly just waiting on the conveyor belt for the next steps.

Speaking of steps, this afternoon at the Being One Fellowship with our fellow married Young Adults at church we were blessed to have Pastor Jorge de Ramos and his wife, the eternally effervescent Ate Bolen, as our speakers. It was just an intimate affair with only 5 couples in attendance excluding our Pastor and his wife but it was certainly a very enriching session.

Pastor Jorge and Ate Bolen shared to us the 10 AREAS OF INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE that they have also been practicing in their married life. They’ve been married for 20 years now but they only got hold of this exercise on their 10^th year when their pre-marital counselor, the late Miriam Lacanilao, used this as a check-up test on them.

The exercise was for us to individually score our union from 1-10, 10 being the highest, in the ten areas of INTIMACY. Part of the exercise is to keep your score to yourself first. There will be a special instruction later on how to share it with your spouse. For now, let me walk you through the same insightful exercise we experienced this afternoon. The questions should help you gauge your perceptions. By the way, the questions I’ve supplied here are only the ones that I vividly remember during the discussion. The qualifiers for each area are not limited within the questions that I have supplied here. Hehe, disclaimer pa daw. Anyway, you know I’m not an expert; just someone who wants her marriage to go well so here we go…

THE 10 AREAS OF INTIMACY:

1) EMOTIONAL

• Do you feel secure showing your real emotions to your spouse?
• Can you easily open up about being upset, disappointed, or angry?
• Are you afraid of upsetting or destroying the mood of your spouse?
• Do you keep secrets from him/her?

2) INTELLECTUAL

• Does your spouse stay away from talking about politics or economics or any cerebral topic because he/she claims that’s too complicated for him/her?
• Does it affect you when you realize that you’re smarter than your spouse? Or vice versa?

3) SPIRITUAL

• Do you share the same FATH? Beliefs? Are you of the same religion?
• Who’s more spiritual between the two of you?
• Does it affect you that there’s only one of you making an effort to bring spirituality in the marriage?
• Is GOD really in the CENTER of your marriage?
• How do you disciple each other?
• Do you rebuke your spouse when he/she is already committing sin?

4) PHYSICAL/SEXUAL

• Are you sexually satisfied?
• Biblically, your body is now the property of your spouse. Are you still uncomfortable with that?
• Can you open up about how you want things done?
• Do you still enjoy sex?
• Or are you just doing a pro-creation activity?

5) CRISIS

• How do you react to problems? As a spouse? As a couple?
• When your spouse needs help, how do you respond?
• Are you willing to make really painful sacrifices?
• Is your reaction based on the size of the crisis?
• Or are you responsive and helpful regardless of the size?
• Do you ignore the problem?

6) WORK

• How well do you work together?
• Can you be business partners outside the home?
• How does your work ethics match? Repel?
• Or would you rather be in different industries to avoid competition?
• How did you put together your wedding? How involved were you as a couple in your FIRST EVER Project together?
• Are you a DIY couple?
• Do you mix up work problems with domestic concerns?

7) PLAY/RECREATION

• Do you enjoy the same fun activities? Or do you go separate ways on weekends?
• If you’re not into your spouse’s hobby or sport, how much are you trying to learn it? Or appreciate it? Or support him/her for it?
• Do you think that your spouse is more engrossed in his/her extra-curricular activity than being with you?
• Do you consciously plan weekends together?

8) ARTS & CULTURE

• Do you enjoy the same music? Literature? Movies?
• Does your spouse share your sensibilities for these things?

9) PARENTING

• Do you have your own parenting rules or are you adopting your parents’ style?
• What do you like about the way your spouse was raised?
• Would you want the same style for your own (future) kids?
• Do you blame your spouse when something bad happens to the kids?

10) PASSION & PURPOSE

• Do you have a Mission Statement as a couple?
• Have you ever thought about what your purpose is as a couple in this world created by God?
• Do you have guiding principles in living out your married life?
• How do you want to be remembered as a couple?
• Are you still pursuing passions individually or as a couple?

Wow! Did you enjoy that test? We did. After the exercise, Pastor Jorge and Ate Bolen told us to keep our scores to ourselves first. The next assignment would be for us, the couple, to SET A SPECIAL DATE (A ROMANTIC RETREAT) where we will share and talk about the similarities and differences in our answers. Exciting!!!

I can’t wait for us to mark that special date. I’m now looking forward to that weekend getaway. Now that’s certainly going to be part of our prayer items in the coming days. We pray that God will provide us with the resources and time to be able to afford that “date”. We’re not yearning for something fancy. So maybe if you have suggestions where we can have a wonderful, relaxing, inspiring yet affordable overnight stay, just holler back.

My husband & I @ our favorite restaurant Pho Hoa.

Our Sundays are never complete w/o my Chicken Noodle Soup & his Vermicelli Bowl