Becoming Soul Mates

“Sooner vs. Later: Is there an Ideal Age for First Marriage?” – This was the title of the article I recently read on the USA Today website. The topic was already interesting for me but what really struck me was the phrase “first marriage.” I know we already live in the 21st century and divorce is really a reality in the States but it never fails to astound me how their society had become so nonchalant about it. That probably makes wedding coordination and divorce law very lucrative careers over there.

I had a legendary quotable quote back in high school and that was “Marriage is a Myth!” All the while, my peers thought that I was like a Wedding Scrooge. They had it all wrong. The truth was I value weddings and more especially marriages very much. Back when I was a teen, because I thought marriage was sooo holy, I put it on a very high pedestal that it eventually became UNREAL for me. Eventually, I thought no HUMAN BEING could possibly have a LASTING marriage because we’re all so fallible creatures. I believed that we were bound to make mistakes that would sever the sacred bond that God has anointed. Hence, I started saying “Marriage is a Myth!”

Of course that was 15 years ago. I was but a kid disillusioned by her own parents’ tragic split. I got scared of the idea of saying “I Do” and not being able to commit to “Til death do us part!” I knew my parents were so in love at that time and yet look at what happened?

The article on USA Today was actually a study to see if there really is an optimum age to marry that maximizes the benefits of matrimony and minimizes possible problems. The article hits home for so many reasons. As of this writing my younger sister Angelie, aged 23 is not speaking to me because she thinks that I am a kontrabida in her life now by not being TOTALLY AGREEABLE to her civil wedding plans this December. (Note: I didn’t say that I was totally against it ha!)

After our sibling squabble, I realized maybe I was overreacting. As much as there are a lot of reasons why I didn’t want her to get married yet, there are also enough grounds for asking “why not?”

First of all, I don’t believe that there is a RIGHT age in getting married. That’s why her being only 23 is not an issue for me. What I believe in is having the right frame of mind, heart and soul. I am happy that my sister found true love in her fiancé but more than the love, I want them to be prepared.

I know BEING PREPARED can be overrated sometimes. What’s the exact measurement of “being prepared” anyway? Is it by how much money you have in your bank account? Is it by having a home and a car all ready for domestic use? Is it by having a “stable” job? Honestly, I don’t even believe in any of these things because these are all variables of an economy that is far from being secure and solid. How can you build on shaky grounds? Especially now when the whole world is in crisis.

So I told her, it’s not the financial aspect. Even if she has not finished college, with a son born out of wedlock from another man while her fiancé is still a jobless nurse – that’s not what I’m worried about. Though I’m sure most of you by now are seeing red flags with what you have just learned about them. The pressing matter for me is beyond all these things. It’s beyond age, money, education... it’s about SPIRITUALITY.

Despite the elaborate studies and social experiments and countless surveys that those researchers made for that article on USA Today, they still missed out the most important point – How is God figuring in these relationships?

As usual since it’s science even though it’s “social science,” God is once more excluded from the equation. Years of research have yielded popular results such as Financial Problem being the Number 1 cause of divorce… probably followed by infidelity and so on and so forth. Yes they are all true. My parents are even classic examples but I don’t think it will be a “living & breathing” marriage if it doesn’t go through money and third party issues, or any problem for that matter. I even believe that all married couples SHOULD go through all that as part of quality control. The issue is not about whether a couple is having a problem or not. It’s about HOW THE COUPLE DEALS WITH THAT PROBLEM. If we just rely it all to our limited capacities as human beings to resolve matters then that’s when we usually meet a dead end.

I’m still a new wife; I know that so I’m not claiming to be some kind of a marriage expert here! Joseph and I still have a long way to go. But being a Christian and being around people, couples and families who put God in the center of their lives have certainly given me so much wisdom on this matter. In fact, I’d like to recommend this book entitled “BECOMING SOUL MATES” by Les and Leslie Parrott. This book has certainly inspired us to grow our marriage in the soil of prayer. One of my favorite chapters is Section 15: IS PRAYER YOUR STEERING WHEEL OR SPARE TIRE?

I’m sure we’ve all used the term “soul mate” especially back when we were single. Sappy teen flicks have depicted “soul mates” as two star-crossed lovers who by some cruel fate couldn’t be together. Awww… BUZZ! Wrong!

Being soul mates is about being SPIRITUAL TOGETHER! And what does that mean? What else but to put God in the center of the marriage; to pray together and for each other immensely. Two people can only be soul mates when their love has been founded on the mutual exchange of HOLY PLEDGES – that is MARRIAGE. Therefore, when you hear young people gushing “Oh he’s my soul mate!” we know by now that is quite silly.

So to my sister, if you’re reading this, I would like to say that I am happy for you. I want you to be happy too most importantly. I will always be here for you.

I guess being an Ate just automatically makes me protective of her. Plus I’m thinking about Kean, her son, my nephew who I also consider my own first-born. At this point, there’s really nothing more that I could do but to pray for them; pray that they would allow God to fill the soul of their marriage.