Where's my Award?

As a kid, I was used to being an Honor Student. I didn’t exactly TOP my class but I was always part of the cream of the crop. I was in the Honors’ Class all through out Elementary and High School. I was bad in Math but I won Spelling Bees, Reading & Writing contests… I was Davao City’s Best Debater for two consecutive years in High School, beating all the other schools in the entire municipality. In my Junior Year, I was the youngest Editor in Chief ever to be appointed in my High School Newspaper. I led the Dramatics Guild; was an officer of the Student Council; and was also even part of the Corps and Staff of the C.A.T (Yes even with my height, I became an officer!)

In short, I have always been competitive, diligent and USED TO getting recognition for my hard work. My mom weaned me on the practice that I could get a new Barbie Doll or any new toy every time I’d come home with a medal or an Honor Card at the end of every school quarter.

However, I kind of slowed down in being competitive as soon as I stepped into college. I got tired being on the front line all the time. I was even reluctant to join an org. I just entered one for the sake of. But despite that, my value for studies didn’t die. I still did my best in turning out good grades. On some semesters, I would get a general weighted average of 1.5 and that would earn me a College Scholar Honor (something like a Dean’s List.) But despite that, I wasn’t very conscious about my grades in college. I wasn’t expecting anything. And yet, surprise – I graduated with a Cum Laude Honor.

I’m blogging about RECOGNITION today because like with everything else in my life, God dealt with me on this matter during the week. I have to confess that lately I have been feeling kind of frustrated with my ministry at Church. There were a lot of times when I felt that I didn’t get some support or appreciation from my fellow ministry workers when it came to my pet project. That led me to doubt whether my ideas and leadership personality even fit with this group.

It was tough dealing with these emotions because I had to rebuke myself and check my motives for being part of the ministry in the first place. Of course as Christians, we are taught that all the services that we do for the Lord should not be to inflate our own egos… it should be for His Glory. Nothing more. Nothing less.

With all honesty, I really wanted to use my talents in church because I want to give it back to its source – God. I felt that I have been using my creativity for pointless endeavors in the past years before I became a Christian. This is why most of the time I would be over-zealous in stepping forward to offer my expertise here and there. I wanted to please God. However, I guess the human in me (that kid who grew up being used to getting praises and rewards for a job well done) would also step forward once in a while to seek some limelight.

We ask... is it wrong to seek approval? I haven’t heard of any child who didn’t long for affirmation from his parents. I guess like me, a lot of people out there also grew up living up to other people’s expectations and measurements for success – the school curriculum standards, opinions of friends, requirements and responsibilities at work, society’s lifestyle norms, etc. And sadly a lot of times, our self-esteem is built upon these values.

In my experience, there were times when it was SO EASY to obtain a round of applause… and there were also times when getting a much-needed simple pat on the back was almost impossible…

It was such a coincidence that this week while I was battling with seeking commendation from my church ministry, I read on the internet that my former TV show won the Best Talent Search Program at the recently concluded 22nd Star Awards for TV. The entry was Season 7 and I was still the Head Writer of that show during that period.

When I read the dated news, I was thrilled and at the same time disappointed that no one from my former show even bothered to text me about the achievement that I believe I am very much a part of. It just struck a sensitive chord in me because I loved that show. It was my bread and butter for 3 years. It was so frustrating that despite my creative efforts all I got was flack and even got a pink slip at the end of Season 7. And now learning that the show finally clinched a trophy, and it was even Season 7, I just felt vindicated. I don’t want to toot my own horn but I really believe that I did my best for that show even if they thought otherwise. Even though they don’t plan on throwing a little piece of the recognition at me, I still feel happy knowing that I contributed to the show’s success in my own way.

With this experience and with my church ministry issues, God told me in 2 CORINTHIANS 10:18 – “For not he who commends himself is approved, but whom the Lord commends.”

I remembered how I was not conscious about gaining awards in college and yet at the end of it all I graduated with honors. I realized that I should go back to being that way. Back then, I just wanted to do the RIGHT THING and that was to study (not too hard) but well enough to pass… I didn’t aim for medals but I got one without even trying too hard…

I realized, that the awards that we receive here on earth are all citations measured by people, who just like the rest of us are also flawed and riddled with personal biases and agenda. Every year, the same award goes out to a different winner. Olympians have to fight for the same title every four years. The recognitions we get in this material world are very temporary and forgettable. Once the speech has been given, the applause has died down and the spotlight is already on a different winner, the award we’ve just received has just been reduced to a trophy that will really do nothing but collect dust on the shelf.

I feel better now knowing that I do not have to get a thumbs up from my employers. I feel better corrected that I do not have to wait for my fellow ministry workers to praise my contributions. The commendation that matters most is the one that comes from God. Whether in church or at our secular professions, we should aim to do our very best not to wait for claps, salary raises or trophies. As Christians, we do our best because our good work reflects God’s faithfulness in us. We aim for the Gold not for ourselves but for His Kingdom’s Glory.

“Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a good soldier gets involved in civilian affairs – he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor’s crown unless he competes according to the rules.” – 2 TIMOTHY 2:3-5